tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Just checking for an update...
As I Sit Here - UPDATED FROM COURT
- Thread starter Janna
- Start date
Hanging-On
New Member
Oh Jana, I'm so sorry. I feel for you. The one thing I would like to say is, "Thank you for this post". I feel like your sentence about "if you are thinking about putting your child into the system, then don't..." was meant for me. G-d sends messages in many forms....Thank you. But for you my heart is hurting. I can only imagine what you're going through, and my thoughts are with you. I hope you make it through the day, and things are better. Big {{{HUG}}}.
Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
Janna,
I'm praying for you that the outcome of today was not as bad as you thought it would be. My thoughts are with you. Please update us as to how it went.
Love, Esther
I'm praying for you that the outcome of today was not as bad as you thought it would be. My thoughts are with you. Please update us as to how it went.
Love, Esther
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Janna,
I must be blind, hon. I saw other posts, but I missed yours. I'm with ya. If you need to talk afterwards, I won't be home tonight, but tomorrow I'll be home. Hey, you did the right thing at the time, not knowing the system. These people tell you they'll help you, and we tend to take them at their word. I hope it went well, and I'm here for you. You can drop an e-mail too!!! I'll be home around 9CST.
I must be blind, hon. I saw other posts, but I missed yours. I'm with ya. If you need to talk afterwards, I won't be home tonight, but tomorrow I'll be home. Hey, you did the right thing at the time, not knowing the system. These people tell you they'll help you, and we tend to take them at their word. I hope it went well, and I'm here for you. You can drop an e-mail too!!! I'll be home around 9CST.
Janna
New Member
Thank you everyone. I saw the post in WC, too. I can't express how much gratitude I have to you guys for your support.
Court today was, well, typical.
difficult child 2's attorney spoke first. Reitterated difficult child 2 wants to come home and is willing to do family counseling. Then difficult child 2 got to speak, but didn't really. The judge asked him a few questions, and he answered them politely (yes, sir, no sir, etc), but wasn't specific about anything other than wanting to come home.
Then the judge got the last 3 months of history from the CPS attorney. Not the caseworker. The caseworker relays all the information to her supervisor who relays it to the attorney for CPS. So, third person information is always 100% reliable, you know? :rolleyes:
What kills me about this is, they only relayed the last 3 months history. NO TALK AT ALL about the K's (the previous foster care), why he isn't there, what happened in the school (all the suspensions, detentions, etc). NOT ONE WORD! This judge has not seen us in 14 months, and obviously doesn't really care what has happened.
Then my attorney (NOT ME) but my attorney gets to speak. He tells the judge I am seeking reunification with interventions. I am willing to do family counseling. My counsel notices in the addendum from CPS they are requesting a psychiatric evaluation on me. He asks that be removed, they ask every time we go to court, and the judge agreed, no need for that. Nobody can give a good reason why I need one (maybe they'd be scared my current state is their own fault and I'd slap a lawsuit on them? hmm).
Then he goes to the foster mother LOL! Friggin right past me. Typical. "Oh, difficult child 2 was tough the first 2 or 3 weeks, but he's been great the last 3 weeks. I took all his good clothes away from him and made him earn them back and now he's an angel" :rolleyes:
Alrighty then.
I got a minute to speak, and that was it. I asked, only asked, about something on the addendum. It stated CPS wanted us to have IFS (Intensive Family Services), and I wanted clarification on what this is. Well, the judge got irate - started rambling about how it didnt matter, and I was going to do it irregardless, and if I didn't, difficult child 2 would not reunify :nonono: WTF?
From then I was shrugged off, my chance to speak was over.
difficult child 2 will stay in the current foster care placement with the mother from Hades. We are, however, looking at reunification when the school year is over, so that's a good thing.
I will need to set up family counseling again. Gee, how fun.
Then find out what this IFS is, where I can obtain it, and if we can get services here. Nobody seems to understand where I live. Just because the services are available an hour away in the city doesn't mean they are here.
So, court was demeaning and depressing for me, as always. I just hate going. I'm tired of it all, and didn't really want to argue anymore.
I just don't understand how a judge, who may I say I have been in front of a dozen times in the last 5 years, that cannot even pronounce my name or remember anything about the last hearing, can decide my son's fate and tell me what I have to do to make my family work.
This whole system here is completely screwed up. I will regret the decision to place difficult child 2 for the rest of my life. If they would have offered this IFS, if they would have offered interventions 4 years ago, maybe he'd be home now. NOW, NOW they want to do stuff, now that they're just so tired of me. Why didn't they do anything all this time before?
Just unreal. I hope none of you ever have to walk a day in my shoes.
Thank you guys all for your thoughts. MWM, I am definately calling you tomorrow over my lunch. I miss you.
Hugs, friends.
Janna
Court today was, well, typical.
difficult child 2's attorney spoke first. Reitterated difficult child 2 wants to come home and is willing to do family counseling. Then difficult child 2 got to speak, but didn't really. The judge asked him a few questions, and he answered them politely (yes, sir, no sir, etc), but wasn't specific about anything other than wanting to come home.
Then the judge got the last 3 months of history from the CPS attorney. Not the caseworker. The caseworker relays all the information to her supervisor who relays it to the attorney for CPS. So, third person information is always 100% reliable, you know? :rolleyes:
What kills me about this is, they only relayed the last 3 months history. NO TALK AT ALL about the K's (the previous foster care), why he isn't there, what happened in the school (all the suspensions, detentions, etc). NOT ONE WORD! This judge has not seen us in 14 months, and obviously doesn't really care what has happened.
Then my attorney (NOT ME) but my attorney gets to speak. He tells the judge I am seeking reunification with interventions. I am willing to do family counseling. My counsel notices in the addendum from CPS they are requesting a psychiatric evaluation on me. He asks that be removed, they ask every time we go to court, and the judge agreed, no need for that. Nobody can give a good reason why I need one (maybe they'd be scared my current state is their own fault and I'd slap a lawsuit on them? hmm).
Then he goes to the foster mother LOL! Friggin right past me. Typical. "Oh, difficult child 2 was tough the first 2 or 3 weeks, but he's been great the last 3 weeks. I took all his good clothes away from him and made him earn them back and now he's an angel" :rolleyes:
Alrighty then.
I got a minute to speak, and that was it. I asked, only asked, about something on the addendum. It stated CPS wanted us to have IFS (Intensive Family Services), and I wanted clarification on what this is. Well, the judge got irate - started rambling about how it didnt matter, and I was going to do it irregardless, and if I didn't, difficult child 2 would not reunify :nonono: WTF?
From then I was shrugged off, my chance to speak was over.
difficult child 2 will stay in the current foster care placement with the mother from Hades. We are, however, looking at reunification when the school year is over, so that's a good thing.
I will need to set up family counseling again. Gee, how fun.
Then find out what this IFS is, where I can obtain it, and if we can get services here. Nobody seems to understand where I live. Just because the services are available an hour away in the city doesn't mean they are here.
So, court was demeaning and depressing for me, as always. I just hate going. I'm tired of it all, and didn't really want to argue anymore.
I just don't understand how a judge, who may I say I have been in front of a dozen times in the last 5 years, that cannot even pronounce my name or remember anything about the last hearing, can decide my son's fate and tell me what I have to do to make my family work.
This whole system here is completely screwed up. I will regret the decision to place difficult child 2 for the rest of my life. If they would have offered this IFS, if they would have offered interventions 4 years ago, maybe he'd be home now. NOW, NOW they want to do stuff, now that they're just so tired of me. Why didn't they do anything all this time before?
Just unreal. I hope none of you ever have to walk a day in my shoes.
Thank you guys all for your thoughts. MWM, I am definately calling you tomorrow over my lunch. I miss you.
Hugs, friends.
Janna
Lothlorien
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry that you are feeling so defeated right now, Janna. I hope this works out. I did pray for the right thing to happen. I sure hope this is the right thing. Hopefully, after the school year, reunification will happen and things will go well. Saying more and more and more prayers for you.
Hugs!
Hugs!
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
I am so sorry... you did what you thought was right... Reading your agony and pain just rips my heart out I am so sad for your pain right now and in the future. I beleive most of us would do the same thing in your situation... it sucks how little we are given to work with yet how much they expect us to produce...
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Janna,
I'm so sorry you had to go through another day of H*LL!!! I'm so upset by your situation that I just can't find the words to let you know how badly I feel for you. I want you to know I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers :angel:...
I believe that everything happens for a purpose. The problem is I can't find the purpose in this absolute H*LL you've had to endure for so long...
Please don't dwell on the fact that you wished you had done things differently years ago. You did the best you could with the information you had. You had your son's best interests at heart. Let the past go. You've got too much on your plate!
You're a great :warrior:!!! I'm praying that you and your son will be reunited in June. Sending many cyber hugs :flower: WFEN
I'm so sorry you had to go through another day of H*LL!!! I'm so upset by your situation that I just can't find the words to let you know how badly I feel for you. I want you to know I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers :angel:...
I believe that everything happens for a purpose. The problem is I can't find the purpose in this absolute H*LL you've had to endure for so long...
Please don't dwell on the fact that you wished you had done things differently years ago. You did the best you could with the information you had. You had your son's best interests at heart. Let the past go. You've got too much on your plate!
You're a great :warrior:!!! I'm praying that you and your son will be reunited in June. Sending many cyber hugs :flower: WFEN
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Oh, Janna. I'm so sorry you got a crummy, overworked judge.
But as you said, you will begin to work this out at the beginning of the school yr. You can look forward to that.
And, you got the psychiatric evaluation. thrown out. Two plusses. (I'm trying to look on the bright side!)
Stay with-us. Keep us informed.
But as you said, you will begin to work this out at the beginning of the school yr. You can look forward to that.
And, you got the psychiatric evaluation. thrown out. Two plusses. (I'm trying to look on the bright side!)
Stay with-us. Keep us informed.
busywend
Well-Known Member
You know, Janna, I have read some stories where the system was helpful. I know you thought it would be. And it SHOULD be. I wish it were guaranteed.
You can NOT beat yourself up forever about a decision that seemed like the right one at the time, and it was at the time I am sure. It is not likely a decision made lightly. I am sure you were at the end of your rope and had no other tricks up your sleeve to help difficult child 2.
I think if I were you I would take a few weeks, write up a history summary for the judge and send it on so he is more informed for the next hearing. I know, it is probably pointless, but I think it would make me feel better. For a day.
You can NOT beat yourself up forever about a decision that seemed like the right one at the time, and it was at the time I am sure. It is not likely a decision made lightly. I am sure you were at the end of your rope and had no other tricks up your sleeve to help difficult child 2.
I think if I were you I would take a few weeks, write up a history summary for the judge and send it on so he is more informed for the next hearing. I know, it is probably pointless, but I think it would make me feel better. For a day.
Stella Johnson
Active Member
So sorry you are going through this. Hopefully they will really help this time. :crying:
Steph
Steph
Marguerite
Active Member
Janna, you made what you thought was the best decision you could have. It was a hard decision and really, what options did you have? I'm sorry the judge was such a PITA. Did your lawyer get to say anything about the IEP and the last meeting where FM vilified you in front of difficult child 2? Surely this is where this should have been raised by your lawyer. That was definitely in the last three months.
Marg
Marg
things I heard when ant was in the system (from the placement people as well as one judge):
well if you and your husband had done your job then you wouldnt be here.
you are over anxious and over protective (DUH you think so??? how about how I am scared from all my son's actions?? how about how I am quivering each time the phone rings or doorbell bringing bad news???)
your son thinks he is above the law (well, when I asked you people the first thousand times to enforce the law and make him accountable...you dropped the ball)
I found it horrid to be a parent in the courtroom and it got worse as he got older. I always felt like trash. the judge never asked me to speak. the first time he was in court my brother went there with me to hold me up. I fainted when I got home.
I am sorry you had to go thru this. I suspect they are going to let your son out of the system soon as he is getting older and they have lots of younger kids coming up. they try a few yrs and when they run out of options they spit them back out if they have no success with the child. they make money on each child in the system. I would bet you pay child support while he is in there. I had to. I also had to fight to get ant back out of the system. it became a holding tank with no help after a while.
part of the blame is on our kids too. they do not get it when they are in trouble and the problem grows until they get in waaay over their heads dragging us into the mire. I am sure there are kids out there who learn from the mistakes they make and are truly helped by the system. perhaps it just wasnt the right path for some kids though. again...when the decision was made to put him in there, you made that decision based on his behavior and with the best intentions. dont beat yourself up over it. he is still your son and one day this will all be behind you. God bless.
well if you and your husband had done your job then you wouldnt be here.
you are over anxious and over protective (DUH you think so??? how about how I am scared from all my son's actions?? how about how I am quivering each time the phone rings or doorbell bringing bad news???)
your son thinks he is above the law (well, when I asked you people the first thousand times to enforce the law and make him accountable...you dropped the ball)
I found it horrid to be a parent in the courtroom and it got worse as he got older. I always felt like trash. the judge never asked me to speak. the first time he was in court my brother went there with me to hold me up. I fainted when I got home.
I am sorry you had to go thru this. I suspect they are going to let your son out of the system soon as he is getting older and they have lots of younger kids coming up. they try a few yrs and when they run out of options they spit them back out if they have no success with the child. they make money on each child in the system. I would bet you pay child support while he is in there. I had to. I also had to fight to get ant back out of the system. it became a holding tank with no help after a while.
part of the blame is on our kids too. they do not get it when they are in trouble and the problem grows until they get in waaay over their heads dragging us into the mire. I am sure there are kids out there who learn from the mistakes they make and are truly helped by the system. perhaps it just wasnt the right path for some kids though. again...when the decision was made to put him in there, you made that decision based on his behavior and with the best intentions. dont beat yourself up over it. he is still your son and one day this will all be behind you. God bless.
dreamer
New Member
Janna, I am sorry you all have to go thru this. I am aching for you, but I am REALLY aching for your child. If it makes YOU this stressed, he lives with these people daily.........I know you talk about him and go back and forth about what to do, and I know it must be so hard to know what the right thing to do is. DOnchya wish ya had a crystal ball? Its hard to fly with eagles when you soar with turkeys. I worry for him that some of his "issues" might be related to all the weirdness in these foster hmes he has been in.
I wish there were answers for what we are supposed to do with these kids to help them properly. I hate how too often we get judged becuz we did not have the answer and then when the professionals and courts and whoever do not have any better answers, they just turn it all around again. They cannot face it and admit they did not have The Answer any more than we did..........
I wish I could think of something to help ease your stress and pain. ALl I can think of at the moment is a hug. (((Janna))))
I wish there were answers for what we are supposed to do with these kids to help them properly. I hate how too often we get judged becuz we did not have the answer and then when the professionals and courts and whoever do not have any better answers, they just turn it all around again. They cannot face it and admit they did not have The Answer any more than we did..........
I wish I could think of something to help ease your stress and pain. ALl I can think of at the moment is a hug. (((Janna))))
Surely that will help? If we have a crystal ball? Then maybe we will know what to do how to do it etc?Thanks for your post. My difficult child is difficult and lately I have thought about giving up and maybe he would be better off in some other home after reading your post it sounds like a whole new set of problems arise. I feel for you.I feel for him. What he is getting out of all this. He has to be confused. Especially the part of all these people have their judgements and have not a real cue. They have never spent a week with this kid and they feel they know. My heart and thoughts are with you.
