I've been gone from CD for several weeks. This site has been a source of education and comfort to me, but there are times when I need to step away. Three weeks ago, I called our oldest son, J, on his 29th birthday. It's hard to think of him as almost 30 and his life being what it is. So many hopes have died a painful death in the last six or seven years. Anyway, I called him, and he told me to F** off and hung up on me and then followed that up with some nasty text messages, to the point I had to block him. That was painful, of course, but I told myself it was just confirmation that detaching from him is the best thing for now. It served to firm my resolve, I guess.
Less than a week later, he texts me and my husband, telling us how sorry he is for what he has done to us the last year and how he appreciates what we have done for him all his life, etc., that he loves us, etc. I called him and spoke with him. He was completely nice and "normal" for the first time in over a year. However, he said he "was at peace no matter what happens and that he wanted us to know he loves us." Well of course, that scared me and I told him so. He assured me that he would never harm himself but that "something had happened" but wouldn't tell me what. My husband called him, and he confessed to my husband that he had slept with someone who might have put him at risk for HIV. He had gone to a public clinic and gotten tested but wouldn't know the results for a month. So I guess he was feeling scared of what might happen.
I spoke with him again the next day and he said he needed to drive to our former state of residence to try to get an ID. He had lost his driver's license from that state and actually had no ID. If you've never been without an ID, it's pretty serious. You can do NOTHING without a picture I.D. He confided that he was trying to make his upcoming rent in two weeks. Long story short, my husband and I priority mailed some letters with his name on them to our youngest son, who lives in the town and state J had to drive to, as a form of ID verification he needed. I also sent $400 of money I had earned from a part-time job to help him with his rent. He was able to drive to our son's apartment, get the money I had sent, and obtain an ID. He also saw his brother, whom he had not seen for two years. Okay--all good, so far.
Yesterday, less than a week later, just out of the blue, he starts up again with his angry, malicious text messages, especially targeting my husband this time, although at one point he did take the time to call me a "stupid B****h." So here we are again. For just that week, we had the hope of having a relationship with our son again, despite knowing he is sick. But now--I don't know what to think. His "niceness" was like a switch being turned on and then turned off. I suppose it's a matter of his deciding to be that way. My husband asked him in a text message yesterday not to go down that negative road again, and J commented that "I was scared before. F**k off." Anyway, it was disappointing. The money I sent him could have been used for two months of a car payment. I don't know if I did the wrong or the right thing. Just trying to figure this out in my mind.
Less than a week later, he texts me and my husband, telling us how sorry he is for what he has done to us the last year and how he appreciates what we have done for him all his life, etc., that he loves us, etc. I called him and spoke with him. He was completely nice and "normal" for the first time in over a year. However, he said he "was at peace no matter what happens and that he wanted us to know he loves us." Well of course, that scared me and I told him so. He assured me that he would never harm himself but that "something had happened" but wouldn't tell me what. My husband called him, and he confessed to my husband that he had slept with someone who might have put him at risk for HIV. He had gone to a public clinic and gotten tested but wouldn't know the results for a month. So I guess he was feeling scared of what might happen.
I spoke with him again the next day and he said he needed to drive to our former state of residence to try to get an ID. He had lost his driver's license from that state and actually had no ID. If you've never been without an ID, it's pretty serious. You can do NOTHING without a picture I.D. He confided that he was trying to make his upcoming rent in two weeks. Long story short, my husband and I priority mailed some letters with his name on them to our youngest son, who lives in the town and state J had to drive to, as a form of ID verification he needed. I also sent $400 of money I had earned from a part-time job to help him with his rent. He was able to drive to our son's apartment, get the money I had sent, and obtain an ID. He also saw his brother, whom he had not seen for two years. Okay--all good, so far.
Yesterday, less than a week later, just out of the blue, he starts up again with his angry, malicious text messages, especially targeting my husband this time, although at one point he did take the time to call me a "stupid B****h." So here we are again. For just that week, we had the hope of having a relationship with our son again, despite knowing he is sick. But now--I don't know what to think. His "niceness" was like a switch being turned on and then turned off. I suppose it's a matter of his deciding to be that way. My husband asked him in a text message yesterday not to go down that negative road again, and J commented that "I was scared before. F**k off." Anyway, it was disappointing. The money I sent him could have been used for two months of a car payment. I don't know if I did the wrong or the right thing. Just trying to figure this out in my mind.
