Back again

[Helpless29]

It’s been so long since I been on here. I’ve read many posts but haven’t posted.
I can’t even remember what I last posted last. My son moved back here to Chicago from Florida a year and half ago . His dad bought him a condo and he’s been doing good , got himself a good job cooking at a restaurant , found a good girlfriend and paying his bills on time . He did quite all the hard drugs but alcohol is still a problem, more like a functioning alcoholic. He is a angry drunk & many times his girlfriend is at the other end of that , trying to calm him down etc
2 weeks ago he got drunk again but decided he was going to open car doors in his complex where he lives , he didn’t break into them just opened the handles , nothing was taken because no one left any valuables inside but one of cars was a unmarked police car , he took a bag which apparently had a gun & badge inside . The gun was never recovered & my son says it was only a badge inside the bag not a gun but I don't know
Anyway US marshals got him going to work & searched his place only thing they found was the badge .
Now they are trying to indite him & give him
3-7 years . I’m devastated. This past year & half he’s done so good! He tells me he dosent even know why he went into the cars , he’s said his mind went back to when he was living on the streets & not sure why when he was drunk his mind resorted to doing that .
Me & his dad did split the cost for the lawyer but it’s still not looking good.
I had peace for so long & now I’m back to worrying and the pain I use to feel inside .
I’m just so hurt because he was doing so good. They want to charge him with 3 counts of Burglary. Next week he will have court, they currently put him on house arrest & not allowing or giving him permission to work.
And the US marshals posted this all over FB it’s been shared on so many community sites & acting as if he was a fugitive.

 

[So Very Drained]

It’s been so long since I been on here. I’ve read many posts but haven’t posted.
I can’t even remember what I last posted last. My son moved back here to Chicago from Florida a year and half ago . His dad bought him a condo and he’s been doing good , got himself a good job cooking at a restaurant , found a good girlfriend and paying his bills on time . He did quite all the hard drugs but alcohol is still a problem, more like a functioning alcoholic. He is a angry drunk & many times his girlfriend is at the other end of that , trying to calm him down etc
2 weeks ago he got drunk again but decided he was going to open car doors in his complex where he lives , he didn’t break into them just opened the handles , nothing was taken because no one left any valuables inside but one of cars was a unmarked police car , he took a bag which apparently had a gun & badge inside . The gun was never recovered & my son says it was only a badge inside the bag not a gun but I don't know
Anyway US marshals got him going to work & searched his place only thing they found was the badge .
Now they are trying to indite him & give him
3-7 years . I’m devastated. This past year & half he’s done so good! He tells me he dosent even know why he went into the cars , he’s said his mind went back to when he was living on the streets & not sure why when he was drunk his mind resorted to doing that .
Me & his dad did split the cost for the lawyer but it’s still not looking good.
I had peace for so long & now I’m back to worrying and the pain I use to feel inside .
I’m just so hurt because he was doing so good. They want to charge him with 3 counts of Burglary. Next week he will have court, they currently put him on house arrest & not allowing or giving him permission to work.
And the US marshals posted this all over FB it’s been shared on so many community sites & acting as if he was a fugitive.

I am so sorry for you.... I hear and understand your pain. Such heartbreak after a time of doing well. It can be so hard! Blessings....

 

[ksm]

I wish we had a hugs emoji. It doesn't feel right leaving a thumbs up, a laughing emoji, a heart or rainbow. And I'm not even sure why there is a tool and a paint brush.

It seems like the police person should be in more trouble for leaving a gun and badge in an unlocked car!!! Would he consider getting help for alcohol addiction, especially if he is not in jail? My great grandsons dad (info on old posts on this site) went to jail twice this fall. (Drunk, domestic violence, interference with law enforcement. The second time it happened, his attorney tried to get him sent to rehab, but the judge said no, he didn't seek help after the first incident. His family said he had no recollection of hitting his wife with a high chair! His wife is not my granddaughter.

I understand how all this is such a strain on us emotionally and physically. It's all so stressful!

Hugs. Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Helpless. So many times I wondered how you were doing. While I'm sad you have to be here again, selfishly I am glad you're back. I will just put in a few of my thoughts about what you've told us.

First, I agree with ksm that the cop is at least partially responsible by leaving his gun in the car. What your son did was like a childhood prank, although his judgement, if he did in fact find the gun, and take it, was impaired to say the least.

But the thing is, your son as you say was a functioning alcoholic. Alcohol is a "worm at the core" that makes us vulnerable. I guess for all or most of most of us, there is always there a pain or flaw within, I don't know.

But the thing is, it illustrates how these are our children's lives and there's no "one and done." I know living my life, I've always been forced to return to deal with what had been buried, "the worm at the core." Until your son does the same, he will be vulnerable. And he will bring you down with him, if you let that happen.

There is a good side to this. As ksm said, he could choose right now to go into some sort of treatment for alcoholism, even on the internet--there are lots of AA meetings.

So, I will end with this: This is your work, helpless. Not just emotional detachment, but acceptance that this is your son's life to live. I have written it so many times, how he is a born leader, lands on his feet, always renews himself, has tremendous gifts, blessings, etc. And in a sense each time he blows it, he resurrects himself. This is a pattern.

You can look at it two ways. He keeps undoing himself, yes. But with each disaster he is presented with the need to change himself, to begin anew stronger and better. Let's hope he does the work he needs to do.

Meanwhile, I am stunned by his strength and ability to go forward. Most people would be defeated. Love to you, Helpless.

ps You don't have to stay gone so long. You can visit us in good times too!