Becoming involved again...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Nov 2, 2015.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Little house is off the market. They took the other offer. :(

    Arbys didn't call today. Hopefully he can get the manager on the phone tomorrow.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Ahhh Lil and Jabber, so sorry about the house.
    Guess it wasn't meant to be.
    I must confess, the no inspection clause made me a bit nervous for you.
    Didn't want to write it earlier and jinx you guys.

    Crossing fingers for your son and the Arbys job.....
  3. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    There wasnt a no inspection clause. the realtor just kept balking at letting us do a full inspection. Thing is, we KNEW there were a lot of issues, just wanted to identify exactly what they were.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    ahhhh ok, thats not good either, not having a full inspection. thanks for the clarification. best of luck to you both in finding a place for your forever home.
  5. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Our daughter is going through this right now. In fact, the home inspection was today and daughter is convinced the deal will fall through because of all the problems found during the inspection.

    daughter was so in love with this house. She is feeling sad this evening.

    But, you know, that inspection can be such a blessing.

    Sometimes, it is just better to walk. Wait for the better house that WILL be coming down the pipe.
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well thing of it is, we knew it was a serious fixer-upper. As in it needed a number of windows, probably a new roof, plumbing, some electrical and basically just gutted! Inspection was just to see what kind of money we were talking about to make it habitable.

    I'm a little concerned Arbys is going to fall thru. Time will tell.
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    The problem that i can see is that insurance companies may require that the new roof,the electrical and plumbing issues, etc., be inspected by a company req before you can insure the place.

    I was forced to sell my nice litle mobile home up in Rhinelander for a pittance when a insurance adjuster got up on the roof and decided the roof needed replacing NOW! I was given 30 days to replace the roof, a 4K-5K job for which I hadn't the money, or the ins co. would drop my HO ins. I also discovered that if you'v ever been dropped from owner's insurance, or let it lapse while living in the home,that too can make it very difficult for getting a new policy.

    In my case, i knocked the 80 percent of the cost of a new roof; cost being determined by calling several roofing companies and averaging out the balance of their qoutoes. I also sold the home with full disclosure, including providing copies of the massive amount of plumbing work that had been done on the hosue since ipurchased it.

    I had them sign off on a created document listing all the defects I had shown them, and then,at the bottom,they acknowledgedthe roof issue and that it had to be done ASAP,as in, I sold the house on Friday evening. They were to be starting on tearing off the roof on Saturday AM, and replacing it with a metal roof. They also quite willing stated that they waived their rights to a private inspection, and held the seller harmless if any issues were to arise after date of sale.

    You CAN do this one your own, including hiring an inspector, but it;s best to have a lawyer specializing in real estate code transactions. It also wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to a good title firm just to make sure property lines are correct, and there are no leins or other encumbrances upon the property
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    LOL Really - we knew ALL of this! We're not 20 years old and this isn't our first house! :D

    We'd talked with the insurance company (who has had our business for 20+ years) and as long as there was no knob and tube (which we could tell there wasn't) they were okay. Of course there would be no claims for pre-existing broken pipes or roof repairs. It was OK. Really. We KNEW the problems and had already checked it out. The bank would of course require title search and insurance and that would have been done. I'd already checked for tax liens myself. The bank would also have had an appraisal. The inspection was strictly to determine if the house was habitable and if not, to get an estimate of what we'd have to pay right away to be able to live in in. I don't mean fixed up - I mean habitable! Fannie Mae often sells fixer-uppers "as is". There was no problem there.

    Really guys - it was a good deal assuming there wasn't $20,000 to make it habitable and I'm expecting we'd have had to spend about $10k...but even then, $55k total for a house, finished outbuilding and 10 acres is a good buy. Why do you think we kept getting outbid? :p

    But it's all academic now anyway - it's off the market. I doubt it will be back on.
  9. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hey Lil that's like one of my favorite HGTV shows, "fixer upper"
    The house sounds really cool.
    Meh, on to the next opportunity girl.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I don't blame you for wanting that property. I love field stone structures. I could totally see 10 acres of land as being the perfect size for hobby farming/ ranching or a small commercial operation. a good friend of mine bought a small piece of land in the hill country and turned it into a very profitable herb business. There will be other opportunities.
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    We didn't have plans that grand. We both still have full-time jobs for the next 10 years or so. But...a pretty garden spot to grow veggies and herbs, a little orchard with some apple, pear and nut trees, a few fat hens giving us fresh eggs, and woods for foraging for mushrooms, blackberries, and Jabber to hunt in...that's what we want.


    We looked at some unimproved acreage yesterday, but nothing that really ticked all the boxes. He'd have hunting land and I could go look for mushrooms and berries in season - but we'd still be living in town and even if we could build, they were really too far away or had other issues. The best of the three for a house was actually too small to hunt. It may be we need to just stop and wait until we have more money and are ready to move. After all, different things will be on the market next summer.

    So...yesterday I asked my son via Facebook message how he liked the pizza I sent him. He immediately responded.

    Then, I told him that if he called Arby's tomorrow (now today) if he needed to go back to talk to the hiring manager, to let me know and I could get him there. No response.:unsure:

    Then I said, "Or did you get hold of them today?" No response. :frown:

    Then I said, "Well it's your business, ask for help if you need it or don't." No response. :sigh:

    Then I asked if he also got the pasta with the pizza and he immediately responded.:919Mad:

    So...who wants to take bets that he called and they aren't hiring him for some reason? I may be jumping to conclusions.

    I'm also starting to work harder than he is to get him re-employed. :( I have to quit that. Bad dreams all night, mostly focused on him and work and ... tired today.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I remember those days all to well (yesterday) and then waking up ticked off over something in the dream and not based on reality. That is what I would call being way to invested in my kiddo's life.
  13. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hey Lil just a quick thought before I go off to work. You will do what you need to do in your heart for your son, as it suits you. When it doesn't suit you anymore, you won't. This is everybody's own process here. Do what you have to, for you, Jabber and your boy, for your situation. Nobody can travel your path.
    Sending hugs and good thoughts.
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  14. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I hate this. :( I just want so badly for him to find work again. I told him I wouldn't go get the girl unless he had a job. That's just over a week away. She already sent him money for an apartment deposit. I'm sure he hasn't told her he quit Taco Bell.

    I catch myself looking at my phone, checking for messages. My nerves are on edge...and it's so WRONG. I know that this is his problem to solve. I know I can't make him do the right thing.

    I don't seem to be able to keep myself from thinking about it. I'm obsessing and I know it. I don't seem to be able to stop. :(
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The closer they are to doing it right, the harder it is for us to not let them mess up again. Just part of parenting a challenging kid, I guess. Doesn't make it any easier!
  16. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Exactly. So stop.

    I have been there and done that. I was checking Craig's list for job openings in her state and even sending resumes. It was crazy. Luckily my therapist pointed that out. Since I became totally hands off, she has found quite a few jobs on her own.

    The less I did for her, the more she did for herself. But, of course, you have to be at the point where you can really let go and let the consequences for his behavior fall on him. Everyone gets there at a different point.


  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    They called! Want him to come in by 5! Maybe I was catastrostrophizing a tad. :p
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  18. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

  19. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    That's fantastic Lil!
  20. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Still not a done deal. I'm going to take him there to talk to the hiring manager. Fingers crossed. I know, I KNOW, I've been all freaked out. There comes a time you have to step back. I just am so ready for him to get his act together and have a job and pay his bills...and I get too involved.

    I really don't WANT to be involved.

    I want him "settled". When it looks like that might happen and then it gets torn away I get like this. I HAVE to figure out how to stop this stuff!