borderline personality disorder

[Copabanana]

You know as I read your posts, each of you, radams, acacia and southern, I hear the strength and the liberation in each of you.

All of these children are adults. Let them live as they wish. I wish each of you all that life has to offer. I agree with everybody else. Let them stew, each of them in their own juices. Each of you deserve lives of simplicity, nurture, openness and support. With their malicious plotting, cruelty and vengeance, and venomous hostility...these people do not deserve a place at your table.

Every person deserves respect and civility. No more said. Whatever they do or do not do is their business. Your business is to protect yourselves. I would think seriously about cutting all contact with each of these people.

 

[southrngirrrl]

oh my sweet lady, i'm so sorry that this is your situation! betrayal by a loved one is probably one of the most devastatingly painful things on this earth! i have no advice or understanding of this kind of behavior because i don't understand my own daughter. if my son turned on me too i would feel the same! however, my heart & prayers are with you!

 

[Mabel]

Hi

hello everyone, somehow out of desperation i googled "how to disengage from daughter with borderline personality disorder" and i was directed to this website. after reading many helpful comments i knew i needed to sign up, so i did..now i cannot find that thread! i would appreciate any help, my daughter is 36 & i'm almost 60.. she's literally killing me emotionally/mentally or i should say i have allowed her to all of her life & i'm just unable to go on. i need real help on how to just really let go & disengage, i now know i can't argue or state my my feeling, hurt etc. to her! i love her with all my heart, however my youngest daughter is profoundly autistic & she is just overwhelming & heart breaking for very different reasons (she is innocent). i cry everyday now at the prospect of disengaging with my older daughter, she will be livid, cruel & filled with rage! however, i know i have to do this if i'm gonna ever have a chance at getting mentally well. my youngest needs me! thank you for any help suggestions! oh, the deal is that i'm going up north to be with my youngest daughter for her birthday next month & i have chosen not to tell my oldest daughter (she lives only 10 miles) from her younger sister, yet has nothing to do with her at all..this is her recent behaviour since last september when i flew up there along with my son who flew from texas so we could have a family reunion. i bought 4 tickest to see rod stewart for all of us including her partner & stayed at her new house. mind you this was all at her begging & invitation. i was more than elated & happy to be with all 3 of my children at the same time! as soon as we got there & i mean immediately she turned on me. would not allow her younger sister at her house ( used her dog as an excuse), so my son & i had to get a hotel room last minute for 2 nights so we could spend time with her. my oldest daughter made it very clear that my presence in her home was unwanted. she treated me very poorly & cruel..as always i didn't see it coming, it just broke my heart! she wanted to have complete control & changed all of the plans to her liking..anyway the whole trip was ruined & i've cried everyday since..now i just want to go up & spend time with my autistic daughter..no more hurt/drama/bullying/cruelty..i know she'll find out eventually, hope not until i leave. but she will just crucify me when she finds out that i came & didn't let her know..please help me with how to deal or not deal with the fall out! thank you so very much for letting just say all of this & get out there!

 

[Mabel]

radams, mother who has given up! I am so sorry that you have had to suffer all this especially with your son too. I am sure your daughter is so clever that she has manipulated him and he cannot get out of her grip which means he didnt have what it takes to stand up to her and probably fears her wrath. I know one of my sons is afraid of my daughter's wrath but doesn't admit it - she didn't go to his wedding , give him a gift or bother meeting his new wife but she has no problem using him to get her cheap car rentals on holidays etc. Luckily my other two sons support him in dealing with my daughter. What saves me is believing in just living the moment, when I am at my wits end or torn with grief I have pulled myself out of it thinking I have only have this moment and in this moment I am here say walking the dog , alone and that is all that is required of me. The book Stop walking on Eggshells definitely helped me as did shutting off my heart. I think every time my daughter abused me a tiny bit of me died in my relationship towards her. Things have been peaceful for a while now because I detached and drew back but stay in touch for grandchildrens sake. This is not what I thought my older years would be or what life would bring but my Dad used to always say to himself and to me "it could be worse!!! So I suppose seriously it could be worse, we could have had twin daughter with Borderline (BPD)!!! Not to be flippant, take good care of yourself - people think I am mad sometime when I say that I will heave a big sigh of relief when I draw my last breath and don;t have to wake up again.A big hug from an oul Irish granny. xx