Bothered me so much I can't sleep (long)

[meowbunny]

The first time the police visited my home, she was 7. My neighbors were afraid I was abusing her when she went into one of her 4-hour rages. By the time she was 10, they were a weekly occurrence. They did help me get her under control. It amazed how she could go from a totally out of control rage to a very calm child within 10 seconds of a police officer being around her. My favorite time was when they knocked and she ran to open the door and told them she was better now so could they please go away. (She was 8.)

When she was younger, they never really scared her but she would stop raging when they arrived. The police told me they could hear her as they were driving up so did understand why they were called (either by me or a neighbor -- if they saw a light being flashed twice it was a signal to call them and meant she had the phone). It was very rare for her to start raging again after they left.

by the way -- You can always scream into a pillow to get the mad worms out. As I said, it won't work every time but it does work if you can catch it early enough.

 

[DazedandConfused]

I didn't read all the responses, so I will respond to your intial post. That is one very articulate 7 year old difficult child you have there. Her anger is very powerful and that she can articulate it words the way she does makes it very scary for a parent. However, being seven, she doesn't understand the obviously powerful impact they have.

I'm a big fan of, "because I say so". There is no reason that exists in the world that would satisfy my difficult children when they are in that "I want" mode. Took me years of attempting to reason with them to get THAT through my skull. Now that it has, it's much less stress on me. They still throw tantrums, but I walk away.

Son just came up to me a few minutes ago demanding that I give him a five bucks. I said a firm, "no", but Son wasn't done with me yet. He threw all he could at me: "Ok, how about three?; I don't WANT to use MY money; What did I ever do to you?; I'm your CHILD!"

I responded with, "I gave you my answer. The discussion is over". He then stormed out yelling over his shoulder about what a horrible mom I am.

Yeah, I'm horrible until the next time he wants something.


I've certainly had my moments where I stooped to their level-very embarrassing. In the moment, when I scared and frustrated with them, I get lost in the muck of the overwhelming fear of "oh no, not again". I don't beat myself up, I just resolve myself not to do it again.

This I found to be extremely odd:

MWM, I did take her to a neuropsychologist. He said that she was not "bad" enough to be evaluated.

The point of having a neuropsychologist evaluation is to connect the brain to the behavior. Sometimes there are obvious neuro explanations, and sometimes there are not. There is simply no way of knowning unless the evaluation is done. Both of my difficult children have benn evaluated by different neuropsychs, and I have never heard about a kid having to reach a behavioral threshold before being deemed being qualified for an evaluation. Find someone else, if possible.

 

[DammitJanet]

BBK....

I often dont quite know how to answer your posts because you are dealing with a little girl...alone. I havent been in that situation before so I feel a bit out of my element. However, I was a little girl once and I was a precocious lil twit who thrived on drama so maybe I can help.

I was always one who went for the jugular too. If Tink is this bad at 7, she is just gonna get worse as she grows older. Time to get some detachment answers down pat. Borrow some from SLSH...I like her Law and Order ones. "asked and answered" is good. One of my favorites when kids start whining about how unfair parents are is to just calmly state that we must be doing our job and they can write it down to tell their therapists when they grow up because a parent hasnt done their job if their kids cant whine to a therapist when they grow up...lol.

When it comes down to it...No is a complete sentence and you dont have to give an explanation. If you feel you must the rest of the sentence is...I am the mom, I say so, thats the way it is.

I do think parents of only kids tend to want to be friends with their kids and it blurs the parenting roll. It makes the kid see you as her equal who she can engage in 7 year old tactics with when that is just so not the case.

 

[Charmedpea]

Mine is older than yours. Will be 14 in a couple of weeks. she will threaten me with I'm not coming home, I dont care if I die. Which she has only used once since her as she puts it wanted to mello out a month ago.

I have used I'm the mom and I said so. I am finially learning not to engage in that any further. Since she cannot stand me giving her the silent treatment. It drives her nuts. She would rather have a bad conversation that I know is not going anywhere then none at all.

I dont look ahead it would drive me nuts. I have to take one day at a time.

good luck.