Bump in the road...

[Calamity Jane]

PG,
Help me through this...I'm confused here (like Detective Columbo lol.)

A-hole has been in jail for a while. If difficult child vouched for him for the $20K, why didn't she go into hiding as soon as A-hole was picked up by the police? She visited him in jail, he gave her his blessing to go into treatment, and she mentioned nothing about a cartel chasing her. A-hole even said he wanted to get himself clean, too.
She goes into treatment, things are looking good, she's getting along well. She is not having an anxiety attack that she's in fear for her life. She develops some kind of attitude problem, tries to work that out, then relapses. Then....a cartel is looking for her and she has to run off? I mean, anything is possible with drug users, dealers, and the people they associate with -I know this from my own difficult child, but the timing seems weird. If she hadn't relapsed, but got threatened by the cartel while in treatment, I'd say OK. I could be blowing smoke out of my you-know-what, but it seems like when she wants to just get away, have no contact, etc., she mentions "cartel" and goes under the radar and is out of touch with you. Could she be doing that to use drugs and get you off her trail?

 

[Nancy]

My concerns are much the same as cj's. On the other hand drug people are nothing to fool with. I think you need to tell husband. If she is really in danger he should know. If she isnt the truth will come out. In either case you cannot carry this alone.

One of the reasons I suggested you call the police was to check out her story.

What if you asked her to let you take her for a drug test. That would give you some answers.

 

[Kathy813]

I don't even know what to say. One word of caution . . . my difficult child made up fantastic stories when she first went to a sober house about meth heads poking out their eyes and people threatening her life if she "snitched" about others using drugs in the sober house. Even though I knew they were not true, I was scared with the "what if" that kept going through my head.

Just sending {{{hugs}}} for your scared and worried heart.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

Let me ask...MS13? Juraz cartel? These are mostly being MS13 is not likely to go after family. The cartels are being infiltrated by military members that are either getting out or they are attempting to join our military to get trained and then pilfer stolen items. Wouldnt be too awfully hard to intercept shipments of opium from Afghanistan or weapons heading into war zones.

I wouldnt completely believe her that these people are coming after a low level user/dealer. Its not worth their time and risk. That amount may sound huge to you but in reality its not to a large operation. They certainly wouldnt want to blow up a multi million dollar pipeline just to get 20K. Now I wouldnt want to mess with a MS13 one on one but if you dont bother them they arent going to come looking for trouble. They used to come in and get coffee and snacks at the 7/11 Billy worked at all the time.

 

[pasajes4]

I would tell husband. This is too much for you to deal with by yourself. I think a drug test is a good idea. She may refuse. Either way you will have a bit of the puzzle.

 

[recoveringenabler]

PG, thinking of you, sending good thoughts your way..............

 

[Kathy813]

Me too, PG. Let us know how you are doing.

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

I'm thinking about you too PG. I hope everything is OK.

 

[Nancy]

up, please update us PG, we are worried warriors.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Thank you for checking in - I am still processing. I do believe what she told me. difficult child told me that they were who she went and lived with when she left home. She did bad things for them. She was a part of their family. (Drug shipments, sales, etc.) I don't think she is lying. We had a very long heart to heart where she finally filled in missing holes of her life after she left and how badly she regrets not living a normal life - how badly she wished she stayed in school and went off to college. She regrets ever touching meth. I can hear it in her voice. I honestly think if she could go back in time, she would do it all so differently. Normally, I can at least sense BS from my child. I may normally want to believe her, but my mommy instinct usually knows better or at least suspects something is up. She told me how her heart dropped when that man called and gave her the address of where she is staying, telling difficult child that they know she sent letters to A hole in jail. I could hear the fear in her voice.

So, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I told her she needs to check in with me daily - even if it is just a text, so I know she is okay. She is totally and completely willing to submit to a drug test and I may pop her with one just for my own peace of mind. If she relapses, I will be able to tell looking at her. I could tell after she relapsed last time. I didn't want to believe it was true, but it was confirmed later. She stands firm that she absolutely hated the feeling when she relapsed. I told her as long as she is not active in her addiction, I wanted her in my life. But if she becomes an active user again, I will need to distance myself from her again.

Of course this could all be a total snow job by difficult child and if it is, she should win an academy award for it. But no matter what, we are protected here. We believe in our right to bear arms and I am applying for my license to carry.

Anyone have any advice on this one? My boundaries are up - I have not given her anything, nor do I plan to. But I don't want her out of my life if she is truly not using...I feel she deserves the benefit of the doubt until/unless she proves me wrong. I just don't know what else I can do. If she is telling the truth, that they know where she was, I am certainly not going to take the chance on forcing her to go back.

 

[Nancy]

I'm glad that you are both OK. It's so hard to know what to think with the stories they tell. The drama they surround themselves with is hard to comprehend by a sober rational person. The truth will come out, it always does, just not always in the timeframe we want.

How does she expect to keep herself safe?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

How does she expect to keep herself safe?

I don't know. She doesn't know. That is why she admits she made the stupid, poor choices and she claims she now has to deal with the consequences that come her way. She admitted she was dumb and wanted to impress her boyfriend by introducing him to these people.

I want her to have a way to protect herself if need be.

 

[Calamity Jane]

PG,
I can hear the fear and concern in your note. I don't know anything about undercover stuff, but could she go to the police, feds, whomever, and get protection? I don't know if that would hurt her or help her, but it just seems crazy to think she'd outrun these people. Alternatively, could you alert the people at the sober house...they may have some ideas? Ugh, I'm so sorry about all this, but it looks like she hasn't relapsed again, and you know you can confirm that if necessary.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

The thing about police is you just don't know who to trust and that is a sad fact here. We have a lot of crooked cops here. How else would these people have known she mailed letters to a hole? She tells me can't outrun them. That they are everywhere. I am really praying that I did get snowed - I would be thrilled. Ticked off, and done with it all, but thrilled. She was trying to get a hold of the program director. She told me that the director used to be involved with bad people, too, and was hoping she would have advice for difficult child. I certainly don't.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She claims she had to move places - that they showed up where she was last night. I asked her how she got out of there and she said she borrowed a 12 gauge shotgun from a friend. And I asked and then what and she never responded.

I asked her if they could be tracing her phone and she said she received a message saying her Blackberry was now registered to a secure network - she didn't do anything to the phone. I asked her why she doesn't toss the thing and she said because she will never make the amount of money she needs to without one. I asked how in the world she was going to make 20k anyway and if they knew she was even trying to get up the money. She said no, she will need to arrange a meeting and try to reason with them if they don't kill her. She said they will then give her a week to come up with the money. I told her I don't want her doing those things and I want to hide her out somewhere. She tells me again there is nowhere to hide and she is scared, too.

God, please let this not be true...

 

[Nancy]

Are you paying for her cell phone PG? Can you go online and check the calls she is making and receiving? What on earth is she doing on her phone that will raise 20k? It all sounds a bit far fetched to me, how did she find a friend to bring over a 12 gauge shotgun after they showed up. Can you call the sober house and ask them if this all could be true? What would she say if you told her you were hiring a security firm to keep her safe?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Are you paying for her cell phone PG? Can you go online and check the calls she is making and receiving? What on earth is she doing on her phone that will raise 20k? It all sounds a bit far fetched to me, how did she find a friend to bring over a 12 gauge shotgun after they showed up. Can you call the sober house and ask them if this all could be true? What would she say if you told her you were hiring a security firm to keep her safe?

I don't know....this is why I am praying so HARD that she is not telling the whole truth. I do pay for the phone and I saw the blocked number before. Didn't think anything of it until she told me about the call. She has been on the phone and texting back and forth with various people. I Google the numbers and find nothing. If I was sure she relapsed and is back in that world, I would shut it off. I just have no way of knowing if it is true or not. If there is a sliver it may be true, I can't get rid of the phone - it is how I can check she is alive every day.

She was not on the phone all night like she does when she uses. Though, I am actually praying for a relapse instead of what she told me is going on...

 

[HaoZi]

I have one idea I can toss out there if you feel she's on the up and up and needs somewhere safe - could she BS her way into a woman's shelter that would hide her?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I have one idea I can toss out there if you feel she's on the up and up and needs somewhere safe - could she BS her way into a woman's shelter that would hide her?

I didn't think of that!! Thank you!! I just texted her with that one...

I did ask her about security and her answer was no, she had enough security.

 

[Nancy]

If I even thought my daughter was being chased by a drug cartel I would pay for one of those services so I could get the name and address of who those calls belong to and be doing a drive by to see who they are. I would be paying a private detective to see what was going on. That is if I felt she was telling me the truth.

You own the phone, have the telephone number changed. These drug people can't have connections in every phone company to find out what the new number is can they?