BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
As promised I am beginning a new thread to mark the next phase of our journey with my Younger Stepson (YS). I will continue using that nickname for him.
Many of you know that YS was not the "troubled child" in our family. That distinction went to his older brother, Difficult Stepson or DS. And as such it was DS who commanded the interventions, the therapy and support which ultimately had little effect on him. YS was in the background most of the time. He was quiet and kept to himself, and did his best to escape the many dramas circulating around DS.
I must also say here, to remind myself as well as explain to all of you, that in many ways YS was the light of our family. DS is much brighter intellectually; YS was the life of the party. He was funny, irreverent, and almost kinetic with his energy. He loved to clown and make us all laugh, and he was a master of the one-line zinger. He was, and is, absolutely adored and beloved by everyone.
I had a special relationship with YS as our temperaments and personalities were similar. Unlike his older brother who was always aloof, YS desperately craved mothering and I did my best to provide that to him. He always seemed somewhat younger than his age because he sought out hugs and cuddles well into his tweens.
We are both sensitive and the issues in the family affected him more than he let on. He was the truth teller in the family, and he recognized the many layers of dysfunction that characterized his young life. He was brave and honest, but it didn't pay off for him. Unfortunately, the adults who could have done something to address his valid concerns and complaints, never did. When pushed "I'm good" was his standard response and because DS was so often in crisis, it was easiest for us to accept him at his word.
Now, in the midst of the worst kind of tragedy, it is obvious to that YS was much more deeply troubled than we ever knew, and he needed much more attention than he received. He made a suicidal statement in school last spring, and it was reported to us. He was taken for therapy but glossed it over.
Unfortunately it may now be too late for YS to receive that kind of attention.
To summarize for those who may not have read my previous thread detailing this situation, after apparently debating for about a day, on Labor Day evening around 9:00 pm, YS texted his girlfriend, wrote a suicide note (which contained no specific reason for his decision), and consumed what we now understand to be 50 tablets of a calcium channel blocker prescribed to his father, called Cardiazem (the generic name is long and I always misspell it so I am using the brand name here). He was honest and told his girlfriend what he had done. She contacted her mother who called the police, who picked up YS and took him to the hospital. He was eventually transferred to a leading children's hospital in our area which saved his life more than once.
The medication slowed his blood pressure to practically nothing and eventually caused cardiac arrest. He was clinically dead for a short time. He received CPR which kept him going long enough for him to be placed on life support. He remained on life support for six days.
At present he is still in the pediatric ICU, being weaned off a ventilator and receiving treatment for continuing arrhythmias in his heart, for which he is receiving treatment. Early neurological signs are not encouraging thus far. He is displaying very primitive brainstem reflexes, but little else. Once he is completely weaned from the mind-bending narcotics and paralytic drugs he has been on since his admission, his current neurological status will be more clear. If they were to give him a neurological diagnosis today he would be considered to be in a coma.
I am preparing for a poor prognosis. I have been reading the stories of other families online and apparently many times, given enough care and months/years of rehab, poor prognoses can turn into more positive outcomes. It is possible to eventually emerge from a vegetative state into something more human. So this is helpful.
He is having a brain MRI today. After he is physically stable, he will be transferred to another facility. A best case scenario would be rehab. A worst case scenario would be a nursing home.
He succeeded in murdering who he was. The question is who he will be. If there is even a small piece of him left after this ordeal I will celebrate.
I will continue to update this thread. Thank you all.
Many of you know that YS was not the "troubled child" in our family. That distinction went to his older brother, Difficult Stepson or DS. And as such it was DS who commanded the interventions, the therapy and support which ultimately had little effect on him. YS was in the background most of the time. He was quiet and kept to himself, and did his best to escape the many dramas circulating around DS.
I must also say here, to remind myself as well as explain to all of you, that in many ways YS was the light of our family. DS is much brighter intellectually; YS was the life of the party. He was funny, irreverent, and almost kinetic with his energy. He loved to clown and make us all laugh, and he was a master of the one-line zinger. He was, and is, absolutely adored and beloved by everyone.
I had a special relationship with YS as our temperaments and personalities were similar. Unlike his older brother who was always aloof, YS desperately craved mothering and I did my best to provide that to him. He always seemed somewhat younger than his age because he sought out hugs and cuddles well into his tweens.
We are both sensitive and the issues in the family affected him more than he let on. He was the truth teller in the family, and he recognized the many layers of dysfunction that characterized his young life. He was brave and honest, but it didn't pay off for him. Unfortunately, the adults who could have done something to address his valid concerns and complaints, never did. When pushed "I'm good" was his standard response and because DS was so often in crisis, it was easiest for us to accept him at his word.
Now, in the midst of the worst kind of tragedy, it is obvious to that YS was much more deeply troubled than we ever knew, and he needed much more attention than he received. He made a suicidal statement in school last spring, and it was reported to us. He was taken for therapy but glossed it over.
Unfortunately it may now be too late for YS to receive that kind of attention.
To summarize for those who may not have read my previous thread detailing this situation, after apparently debating for about a day, on Labor Day evening around 9:00 pm, YS texted his girlfriend, wrote a suicide note (which contained no specific reason for his decision), and consumed what we now understand to be 50 tablets of a calcium channel blocker prescribed to his father, called Cardiazem (the generic name is long and I always misspell it so I am using the brand name here). He was honest and told his girlfriend what he had done. She contacted her mother who called the police, who picked up YS and took him to the hospital. He was eventually transferred to a leading children's hospital in our area which saved his life more than once.
The medication slowed his blood pressure to practically nothing and eventually caused cardiac arrest. He was clinically dead for a short time. He received CPR which kept him going long enough for him to be placed on life support. He remained on life support for six days.
At present he is still in the pediatric ICU, being weaned off a ventilator and receiving treatment for continuing arrhythmias in his heart, for which he is receiving treatment. Early neurological signs are not encouraging thus far. He is displaying very primitive brainstem reflexes, but little else. Once he is completely weaned from the mind-bending narcotics and paralytic drugs he has been on since his admission, his current neurological status will be more clear. If they were to give him a neurological diagnosis today he would be considered to be in a coma.
I am preparing for a poor prognosis. I have been reading the stories of other families online and apparently many times, given enough care and months/years of rehab, poor prognoses can turn into more positive outcomes. It is possible to eventually emerge from a vegetative state into something more human. So this is helpful.
He is having a brain MRI today. After he is physically stable, he will be transferred to another facility. A best case scenario would be rehab. A worst case scenario would be a nursing home.
He succeeded in murdering who he was. The question is who he will be. If there is even a small piece of him left after this ordeal I will celebrate.
I will continue to update this thread. Thank you all.
