Countdown to Job Corps...Will he make it?
- Thread starter Lil
- Start date
Lil
Well-Known Member
Yeah...I mean, it's an hour or so out of my day and right down the street. So I'll go. Just annoying.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Pity I can't re-title this thread.
I called him when I got off work. He's not going. Not next Tuesday, not at the end of June, probably not ever.
I said, "Well that's fine honey. Have you told them that?"
Of course not. He's been "trying" to call them.
No he hasn't. Know how I know? They called here again today; there's an answering machine message. I reminded him that if he calls them, he keeps the option open at some point in the future. If he just blows them off, he may not ever have that option again.
I must admit to being tempted to call them myself just because I hate other people being inconvenienced and he's inconveniencing them.
Anyway, I asked him if he's still working.
Of course not.
He apparently quit with no notice, instead of giving them as much notice as possible and continuing to work until next Tuesday. Because why would he ever do that, earn another weeks wages and have money to spend? I mean, it's not like I TOLD him to do that so he could earn as much money as possible before he left or anything like that.
So I said, "I guess you need to do your community service then. Do you still want to do the church? Or do you want to just find your own way?" He said the church. I told him who the new custodian is and he said, "Yes, you texted me that." I said, "Yes, but I didn't give you her number, so if you want that let me know."
"Okay."
Uh huh. So....when will he let me know, I wonder?
He said he's going to get another job and save up some money and move to this town across the state where this girl he's "in a relationship" with (according to Facebook) lives. Oh, but they've never met face to face. They Skype. But he's going to move there. Uh huh.
Well, no worse than any other plan he's had.
I reminded him that he either has to get together with me before Friday (which is SO not going to happen since I have to work overtime every darn day) or with Jabber to clean out that apartment before June 1.
He said, "I'll text you."
I said, "Okay."
I reminded him that it would be polite to at least send me a "K" when I text him so I know he gets the text.
"Okay."
"Okay. Well, I love you honey."
"Love you too."
And that was that.
I didn't ask where he's living. He didn't volunteer.
You'd think he'd want off, wouldn't you?
I called him when I got off work. He's not going. Not next Tuesday, not at the end of June, probably not ever.
I said, "Well that's fine honey. Have you told them that?"
Of course not. He's been "trying" to call them.
No he hasn't. Know how I know? They called here again today; there's an answering machine message. I reminded him that if he calls them, he keeps the option open at some point in the future. If he just blows them off, he may not ever have that option again.
I must admit to being tempted to call them myself just because I hate other people being inconvenienced and he's inconveniencing them.
Anyway, I asked him if he's still working.
Of course not.
He apparently quit with no notice, instead of giving them as much notice as possible and continuing to work until next Tuesday. Because why would he ever do that, earn another weeks wages and have money to spend? I mean, it's not like I TOLD him to do that so he could earn as much money as possible before he left or anything like that.
So I said, "I guess you need to do your community service then. Do you still want to do the church? Or do you want to just find your own way?" He said the church. I told him who the new custodian is and he said, "Yes, you texted me that." I said, "Yes, but I didn't give you her number, so if you want that let me know."
"Okay."
Uh huh. So....when will he let me know, I wonder?
He said he's going to get another job and save up some money and move to this town across the state where this girl he's "in a relationship" with (according to Facebook) lives. Oh, but they've never met face to face. They Skype. But he's going to move there. Uh huh.
Well, no worse than any other plan he's had.
I reminded him that he either has to get together with me before Friday (which is SO not going to happen since I have to work overtime every darn day) or with Jabber to clean out that apartment before June 1.
He said, "I'll text you."
I said, "Okay."
I reminded him that it would be polite to at least send me a "K" when I text him so I know he gets the text.
"Okay."
"Okay. Well, I love you honey."
"Love you too."
And that was that.
I didn't ask where he's living. He didn't volunteer.
You'd think he'd want off, wouldn't you?
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lil, I am so sorry. You have done everything you can do. What else is left except court?
I would not call Job Corps. He is an adult. They are used to dealing with irresponsible adults, some of them with caring and responsible mothers.
There is a bright side, now. Nothing more is your responsibility. It's all his.
He has chosen this path. Now, let him follow it.
He is a slow learner. He wants autonomy, freedom, independence. Without responsibility. Without consequences. Fine. Let him learn, now.
Let it be. Lil.
Today, I am hopeful, for both of us.
I would not call Job Corps. He is an adult. They are used to dealing with irresponsible adults, some of them with caring and responsible mothers.
There is a bright side, now. Nothing more is your responsibility. It's all his.
He has chosen this path. Now, let him follow it.
He is a slow learner. He wants autonomy, freedom, independence. Without responsibility. Without consequences. Fine. Let him learn, now.
Let it be. Lil.
Today, I am hopeful, for both of us.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Lil, definitely time to step back...you are putting way more work and worry into his life than he is. Only he can change a thing and it doesn't sound like he wants to change a thing. I know this breaks your mommy heart. I am so sorry!!
JKF
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry Lil. I have been in your shoes so many times I've lost count. I know how you're feeling and I'm so sorry you're hurting. Like the others said it's time to step back and let the chips fall where they may. Your son has made it clear that he wants to do this his way (like mine - the hard way) and you have to try to accept that and let it be. Sending you lots of positive vibes and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Lil
Well-Known Member
Thanks all. Really, I am pretty much done. There's nothing more I can do. Court isn't going to happen because there's no need. He's not going so he has to get the community service done by June 10. If he does, good. If he doesn't, HE has to go to court and tell the judge why.
I'm not upset he didn't go to Job Corps. I am upset he is so utterly irresponsible that he not only isn't going to Job Corps, but hasn't told them he isn't going and he quit his job on top of it. Really...just kind of mind-boggling.
He's on his own. He doesn't want to tell me what he's doing and where he's living, etc., so be it.
His chips will fall where they may. But it doesn't feel good.
I'm not upset he didn't go to Job Corps. I am upset he is so utterly irresponsible that he not only isn't going to Job Corps, but hasn't told them he isn't going and he quit his job on top of it. Really...just kind of mind-boggling.
He's on his own. He doesn't want to tell me what he's doing and where he's living, etc., so be it.
His chips will fall where they may. But it doesn't feel good.
dstc_99
Well-Known Member
I think it is time to walk away Lil. Just step way back and don't do anything. You can text if it keeps you sane but I wouldn't go to court or drive him somewhere or even let him come over for Game of Thrones. He needs to pull his butt up off the ground before you do anything else for him.
tishthedish
Well-Known Member
I think you'd want off and deserve to be off. I can't pretend to know what my two difficult child sons want. I just know that putting so much effort into their lives is like trying to fill a sieve with water.
It was like that when they were 20 and it's like that now that they are 26 and 30. You can look at it 2 ways...your son is young so maybe there is still hope...or you can spin your wheels, so to speak, and lose more years of your life.
Had I known what I know now, I would have gotten off the wheel a lot earlier. Up until about 2 years ago I really did believe that the next prod, push, suggestion, manufactured opportunity would make all the difference. If it did made any difference it was only to weaken them through my machinations and enabling.
Rest now Lil. I am so sorry you and Jabber are dealing with this.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
It doesn't feel good. It about killed me to make my sweet daughter leave because of the drugs. She fortunately had a place to go and straightened out.
Your son has the same option. He seems to sabotage every chance he gets and that isn't your fault.
He doesn't have to tell you where he is. He's of age. Understand, he has learned how to use people and survive on the streets. He will not die.
Maybe eventually, as he matures, he will learn that there are consequences to not growing up. Not everyone loves him li ke you do and if he skips community service, I assume there will be disciplinary action taken. Maybe he thinks, "My Mom is a lawyer and she can get me out of any trouble I'm in."
In my opinion only, and obviously I could be wrong, I feel you've down your share of lawyering for him and he needs to face the music himself.
It is what it is. My Dad always says this. It's true!
Hugs and I'm so sorry you are hurting.
Your son has the same option. He seems to sabotage every chance he gets and that isn't your fault.
He doesn't have to tell you where he is. He's of age. Understand, he has learned how to use people and survive on the streets. He will not die.
Maybe eventually, as he matures, he will learn that there are consequences to not growing up. Not everyone loves him li ke you do and if he skips community service, I assume there will be disciplinary action taken. Maybe he thinks, "My Mom is a lawyer and she can get me out of any trouble I'm in."
In my opinion only, and obviously I could be wrong, I feel you've down your share of lawyering for him and he needs to face the music himself.
It is what it is. My Dad always says this. It's true!
Hugs and I'm so sorry you are hurting.
Lil
Well-Known Member
I don't know about that. I don't think it's intentional. He's not that devious. He's not sitting around thinking, "Okay...I'm going to make mom crazy and she'll let me move in or take care of this because I'm upset."
I think he's just - him. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by a project, housework, office work, yard work, etc., that was such a HUGE job that you just couldn't figure out where to start and so you just kind of sat and did nothing and looked at it numbly? I think that's him. I think that's how he sees life in general a lot of the time.
I said to Jabber the other night...I think he's terrified of taking a big step.
So he does nothing and the choice is made for him.
I'm as done as I can be at the moment. I'm not calling or texting. Next move is up to him. I have bigger fish to fry.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Well, I ended up calling them, both local and Chicago. I got a call on my office phone today! I don't remember even giving anyone that one!
So I texted him and said, "You have 10 minutes to tell me if you want me to call Job Corps. They keep calling looking for you and I'm tired of it." He wanted me to, said, "he's been trying to call Chicago" - bull - and that his phone is acting up - bull. I made sure he wanted me to say he wasn't going EVER, as opposed to not going next Tuesday and going later in the year and called.
I left messages for both local and Chicago telling them that he was NOT coming. That I didn't know why he'd changed his mind, but he had, and that he wasn't answering my calls either other than to tell me he wasn't going. That he was 20 years old, didn't live at my home, and I couldn't really get a hold of him either, so they needed to stop calling me. I can't help them. I was sorry they wasted their time, but he wasn't coming so they should really give up now.
Or words to that effect.
Hopefully the darn calls will stop now.
So I texted him and said, "You have 10 minutes to tell me if you want me to call Job Corps. They keep calling looking for you and I'm tired of it." He wanted me to, said, "he's been trying to call Chicago" - bull - and that his phone is acting up - bull. I made sure he wanted me to say he wasn't going EVER, as opposed to not going next Tuesday and going later in the year and called.
I left messages for both local and Chicago telling them that he was NOT coming. That I didn't know why he'd changed his mind, but he had, and that he wasn't answering my calls either other than to tell me he wasn't going. That he was 20 years old, didn't live at my home, and I couldn't really get a hold of him either, so they needed to stop calling me. I can't help them. I was sorry they wasted their time, but he wasn't coming so they should really give up now.
Or words to that effect.
Hopefully the darn calls will stop now.
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Lil
Well-Known Member
That is not the point! He's 20 freaking years old and I told that man he didn't live at home!
But it's done now. Maybe they'll give up.
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Sorry Honey, I was just commenting on how they got your work number.
Lil
Well-Known Member
I wasn't upset with you silly.
I just am so frazzled at work today that the phone call really annoyed me.
