myfirstandlast
Member
He says the reason he is doing it, is because I took away the mid-week visit to Grandma's house. But the major problems did not start until last night and this morning, and I told the kids about not going to Grandma's during the week back on Tuesday.
Last night he wouldn't get off the Wii until more than a half hour after his time was up and he was told several times. He just kept saying he wasn't at a "save spot" ... I told him it didn't matter, his time was up. Finally I went down and turned off the TV. He stormed to his room.
This morning, he got on the computer early and when I told daughter-10 she could get on, as she doesn't usually get morning computer, he blew up again. He threw all of his books and some other stuff from his room on his floor. At some point, he had encopresis. I told him he had to clean up his things, or I would box them up and give them away. I had just cleaned his room completely, very recently. I said, after that, you need to take a shower. He smelled very bad.
He fought and argued, but did pick up the books (very valuable to him) and not the other stuff. I tried to talk to him, and he raged at me. I walked away to cool off. He barricaded his door with his mattress and some other stuff. I was able to get through and put things back, and told him he needed to shower. I went out and he barricaded it again, with more stuff this time. I had to leave to take daughter-14 somewhere, so I left him with his stepdad. He never came out of his room.
I told him he was going to lose his door for the second offense; I'll just take it off the hinges. We finally unblocked the door. It took another hour to get him into the shower after that. When he finally came out of the bathroom, there was shampoo and toothpaste and water EVERYWHERE ... on the walls, the mirror, allowed it to run down the drain, wet toilet paper in the sink, who knows if the drain is clogged full of it.
Don't know what to do. He says he's on a hunger strike until I give back the midweek visit. He says he will continue to do things to make me mad until I kick him out of the house. He is very, very stubborn. He put his hands on me last night, and I growled at him to NEVER, EVER lay a hand on me. He backed down, but he came at me again today. Didn't touch me, but screamed at the top of his lungs, stomped, etc.
*whew*
What's up with the midweek thing, you're probably wondering. His father had a midweek visit as well as every other weekend. His father's mother ALWAYS picked him up from school and took him to their house; dad wasn't even always there for HIS parenting time. Grandma and me have a long and painful history ... stuff I will only share in private ... she has done horrible, hurtful things to me. Now she thinks that I am ending midweek visits to hurt her, and I'm not ... I'm doing what I believe is in my kids' best interests. Their father passed away in September. I didn't change "his" parenting time schedule until now ... trying to keep some consistency in the kids' routines. They had quit almost all of their extra-curriculars when he died. Grandma was a link to their dad. But I'm feeling now, it's too much of a reminder that he's gone, besides being inconvenient (she won't even provide transportation back to my house) and the kids are now involved in MANY after-school activities, meetings, appointments, games, etc. to where scheduling anything is a nightmare. I wasn't planning to take away the every-other weekend visit ... just trying to smooth out a stressful and hectic schedule.
Now what? He's determined to do everything he can to make me mad or annoy me until I send him to live with his Grandma. Hubby is trying hard to be patient but he's at wit's end and wants to ground him for eternity at this point. I'm just not very far behind him ... haven't dealt with raging since early '05 when we were going through a lot of other changes. I have the book "The Explosive Child" and I'm trying to catch a few paragraphs here and there as a refresher. We have company coming today of all days, no I can't reschedule ... they are coming from four hours away and they're 1/2 hour from here. All my husband's family. *sigh*