daughter-taking frustration out on others

[ctmom05]

My daughter is 21. What's bothering me is probably something most of you are familiar with; the abundance of excuses and a sharp tongue that bites.

She twists logic like crazy to make it look as any issues she encounters that have a difficult or negative impact are someone else's doing.

She lives on her own, but hasn't worked in almost a year. She is living off funds that she inherited. The list is very long as to why she isn't earning an income, "because I don't drive, because I lost my ID, ...." While it is a great deal of money, $25,000 isn't hard to spend.

She can draw a path from each of those problems to someone other than herself.

Today's outburst was aimed at me. We made a trade; she helped the family move some furniture in exchange for a ride to a concert. With a big storm on the way, I asked her to be access information that will tell us if the concert gets cancelled. She blew up.

I wish she could see or hear herself when she acts like this. Since we were on the phone, I didn't have to listen for long...but this is a pattern that repeats and it is disheartening.

 

[hearts and roses]

Hey Chris,

Your daughter sounds so similar to my 18dd - everything is always someone else's fault, someone made it turn out bad for her, everyone always asks her to do more than her fair share, no one ever wants to do anything for her, everyone owes her something. It gets old.

Did you hang up the phone or try to explain your question? I have learned that it's not worth explaining anything to my daughter anymore as she's not listening anyway. She's usually forming her next verbal assault and won't hear what I'm saying to her anyway.

If you ignore her will she go ahead and call to see if the concert has been cancelled and let you know? Or will she make another plan to get there in an effort to make you feel bad for not taking her as agreed? My daughter would make another plan to get there so she can then tell me that I reneged on my half of the deal.

I feel for you - know exactly what you're dealing with.

 

[Star*]

Just sending hugs -----so sorry.

You should hear it come out of a 17 year old BOY! I told someone else today I think he was born with PMS.

With a TON of therapy - he has been able to accept some blame - not all - but some.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

 

[rejectedmom]

I can relate my difficult child daughter now 33 is like this although she is doing better after four years of therapy. The difference is mine got physical and almost hurt her fiancee badly while in a rage. That was when she voluntarily entered councilling and she has been going ever since with her fiancee turned husband. She actually callsme sometimes just to talk and see how I am doing. When she was your daughter's age I never would have believed this possible. -RM

 

[carolanne]

My 14 yr old daughter is like this. Her crappy marks in school aren't her fault it's the teacher cause she can't teach properly. It's my fault she doesn't have $$ the day after allowance because I insist she buys her own razors instead of stealing mine(this one still boggles me), it's her sister's fault the room is a sty cause she won't let her throw stuff on sis' side, yada yada yada....I am soo sick of it! She is rude, disrespectful and downright nasty but it's never her fault when people get upset with her....she says we just need to realize she's more important than others and deal with it...

Carolanne

 

[Suz]

Chris, I know it's discouraging.

Rob was the king of denial and aggression.

And he mastered in diversion.

It took a lot of repetitive actions on our part for it to reduce (it doesn't always stop)..........but I walked out on him when he'd start being abusive......or I'd hang up the phone. I'd always forewarn him that it was coming ("Honey, I'm going to hang up/leave if you don't calm down...") and I learned that if I said I was going to do something I really had to do it (leave/hang up).

I wish you well. It's exhausting.

Hugs,
Suz