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Daughter's conspiracy theories causing estrangement. Help please!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by BusynMember, Apr 25, 2019.

  1. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    It seems like so many parents say their kids were fine before the MMR vaccine. It's scary. I don't support that vaccine. However, I do support getting the chicken pox vaccine, simply because chicken pox can leave scars on the face, which is a big deal for middle school and teenage girls. If diphtheria started making a comeback, I would support that vaccine because diphtheria can cause life long devastating effects. The same goes for the polio vaccine.

    It's not abuse to avoid vaccinations when there are legitimately founded fears of the MMR vaccine. Why would so many parents say there kids changed after getting that vaccine if it weren't true?

    I can tell you from experience that organic food doesn't prevent all health problems, viruses, etc. There are, however, many benefits. Sometimes you cannot find organic food in every type. Also, organic yogurt is so high in carbs that I usually avoid it. I think raw cheese tastes better than pasteurized cheese, but it doesn't come in light or low calorie.
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I dont know that I believe the MMR causes anything. I think things that would have happened anyway often happen after the MMR. I also saw people with measles. Some were extremely sick. But I am not a person that looks at what others do. My kids were all vaccinated and they are immune to measles so there is no threat to them.

    My grandson is not immune to anything but there is nothing I can do about it. He likely wont be exposed much as it will not be possible for him to attend school in their state unvaccinated. Strict state. Homeschooling groups are still less kids than schools.

    I wholeheartedly believe in healthy eating but dont think eating great will shield anyone from all illness. Kay believes this. On the other hand, my grandson eats both well and junk food. I wont eat fast food. My grandson eats all kinds of fast food, candy, fatty foods and Kay and Lee do too.

    Both believe strongly that pot cures diseases so that their pot smoking also protects them. Kay smoked pot while pregnant because Kay and Lee read on the internet from one person that if you expose a fetus to pot, the baby will be healthier and smarter.

    I know that pot can help cancer pain and seizures. But what does pot smoke do to lungs? And pot, from my research, can trigger latent mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, anxiety, depersonalization/derealazation, paranoia and depression. Thats why I am all for pot for things it has been proven to help but not really happy that it will soon be legal probably everywhere for recreational use, especially near kids or while driving.

    Yet Kay and Lee find pot exposure is helpful to my grandson. So they dont shield him from the smoke. I wonder if he gets high :(

    I worry so about my sweet little boy. It also cant be healthy for him to see when Kay and Lee slap and shove one another. This is not all the time, but it should be never!

    But I am powerless over this. I must stop thinking about it all the time.

    Thanks for your point of view, Crayola. I respect it and understand it. I really do. The MMR is the one shot I sort of understand. Did you skip that vaccine if you have kids? I am curious, not critical.
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2019
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    It sounds like either she is under undue pressure from her husband, as you mention, and/or she may be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness, like my son, that are fueling this. If it is either one of these, she has minimal control over changing her attitudes and behavior. They are serving her. As long as she needs these beliefs either to make a difficult marriage work, or to manage feelings, she will keep on. I believe the best thing you can do is to love her, to give her a whole lot of slack, and to try to be non-judgemental of her and her husband, no matter how you dispute their beliefs.

    This is very, very hard. For me, too.

    I don't think this is about the belief, per se, but about how it functions for her.
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2019
  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thank you.

    I am going to leave them alone for now, which means not seeing my grandson too. I am sad, but if she is mentally ill, I cant make her go for help. They both consider even a therapist part of the corrupt medical system and will not see a preacher either because they are atheists. The only person they will see is their New Age Doctor and she doesnt do therapy. I wish she did! I think this means homeopathic doctor. Not sure.

    Its so hard. I am crying while I type this.
  5. ahhjeez

    ahhjeez Active Member

    I think you are doing the best you can with a situation that you can't possible win in. It's unfair of her to want you to wholeheartedly agree with something you just don't. I am so sorry for the pain this is causing you. It has to be just excruciating. It sounds like she is pretty far down the rabbit hole with a lot of conspiracy theories. It continues to amaze me how many people believe this. Andrew Wakefield did a study that was published by the Lancet purporting a connection between the MMR and autism. It has been thoroughly debunked and he has lost his medical license. This has fueled and in my opinion created much of this vaccine hesitancy. The symptoms of autism typically present right around the time a child would be getting an MMR vaccine. I have an autistic child and husband. One vaccinated the other not for MMR. I've also had people tell me that my son is autistic because of the vaccine. Which is bs. It's dangerous and is currently creating a public health hazard with the recent outbreaks.

    You've been on my mind a lot and I hope that eventually your daughter will be able to let go of some of this. Sending you many, many hugs.
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  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Yes, I am very lucky because he truly appreciates that I came into his life when I did. He is much more kind and respectful than my biological daughter. He was a terrible kid in school, but he has never been any trouble for me. Even as a teenager he was a good kid in our home. To this day, even when we disagree, he is never rude to me. He's extremely intelligent, but has lots of issues he can't seem to get past. But I certainly understand having a child who is disrespectful, belligerent and won't have a rational conversation. That's my daughter much of the time.
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thank you ahjeez.

    Its pretty bad when you have no idea how to talk to your kid so you rather not. But my grandson is important to me so I have no choice unless she cuts me off. That would mean not seeing my grandson either.
  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    You are in a tough spot with your daughter. When she calls can you redirect the conversation to another subject at all? I am in fear of losing contact with my grandson because my ex daughter in law has full custody of him. I won't go into detail but i told her that there was certain issues that i would not discuss with her. When i did that i new there was a chance that she would not let us see him and we had to accept that as a possibility. She however agreed to not discuss that issue. She is a very vindictive and manipulative person so we know that she could change her mind but enjoy him while we can. I agree with the others that you can't change how she feels. She may change her mind on her own. I also agree that your son in law probably influences her. Can you let her know that you respect her right to make her own decisions but would rather talk about other things.
  9. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I already did say just that but she says she should be able to discuss it with her own mother. That means monologued hour long speeches to educate me on vaccines and foods that keep you from never ever getting sick. I cant say anything like "Nothing can stop anyone from never getting sick."

    That comment is considered being close minded and not respecting her intelligence because she did her research. It is stressful. Her response to that comment, which I will never make again is "No, you never have to be sick if you build up your immune system. THEY (not sure who they is) just don't want you to know. They want you to get sick so that they make money." "They" must be those killer doctors and Big Pharma maybe? I dared not ask.

    Daugter knows the secret to eternal wellness.

    I said nothing after her sharp scolding and never will make an opposing comment again.

    I cant win. Not with Kay. Crying all day. Realizing this is our new relationship and hating it so much.
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2019
  10. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    She is dictating to you what you are allowed to say. That is not right you have rights too. You need to draw some boudaries if she says i should be able to talk to my mother about it .tell her that you should be able to discuss what you want at least part of the time as well.
  11. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    If she gives me grief on purpose, assuming she calls at all, I am prepared to have my husband knock on the door which will make my dog bark, and tell her somebody is here and I have to go.

    I am going to start a life that is not all about my kids, especially this one. We have time to do things just for us now and we are making plans.
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