Dear son

[rebelson]

"I explained way way way too much. Way too much talking, I did. I was trying to be different from my father."

@Childofmine - I did the same exact thing. Too much explanation. [emoji17] Wanted to be different than my mother, but my pendulum with son went too far the other way.

 

[BusynMember]

One thing i feel babyboomers and milinians did wrong is talk to our kids often as though they were our friends. They did not learn respect. And that shows,even with P Cs.

I also think we shower our kids with way too much free material things that they didnt work for.

Dr. Spock confused parents. We are still confused.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Dr. Spock confused parents.

That is what my husband says. Him, and Dr. Lee Salk. You can guess which books were my go-to parenting guides.

Ahem.

Cedar

 

[BusynMember]

I didnt read them, but was influenced by my natural tendency to be gentle and by what I warltched others do.

 

[Albatross]

I did the same exact thing. Too much explanation.

I did the same thing as well. Explanations always worked until around age 12 or so. Then when they didn't anymore I think it was too late to expect him to respect our authority.

 

[ColleenB]

I hope you both stay... I learn so much from all of you.

When I first found this site back in December I couldn't believe how much I could relate to so many of you and I felt such a sense of relief that I couldn't stop crying when I read my first post and all the support it produced. We were at an airport at the time heading to my sisters for Xmas and we had just found out my son was dealing.

I thank each and every one of you for the unwavering support these past months.

If my son read my posts I think he would be angry too, but in some ways I wish he could see the amount of love here and desperation of the parents to help their children navigate the scary world of drugs, addiction and unhealthy behaviours.

I hope you find some peace with this issue, take care... Both of you.

 

[A dad]

One thing i feel babyboomers and milinians did wrong is talk to our kids often as though they were our friends. They did not learn respect. And that shows,even with P Cs.

I also think we shower our kids with way too much free material things that they didnt work for.

Dr. Spock confused parents. We are still confused.

The reason is because they must have disliked how their parents raised them I mean lets be fair is the relationship of you baby boomer with your parents better then the one you have with your children? At best is the same. Maybe baby boomers where thinking that they wanted a better relationship with their children and the other way around.

 

[Lil]

I don't think I'm going anywhere. At this point, things are okay and I don't see the need to hide anything. He may read, he may not. But it is what it is. Maybe it would be good for him to really see in black and white what we feel?

Right now, things are pretty good. If it gets bad again and I decide I want privacy...I'll open a new account. I'm going nowhere. Where else can I let my pirate skirt fly???

We as parents do second guess ourselves so much. But you know, our son said the other day when he found this site and I said something about "You probably complain about us to your friends, we need someone too." that HE has no problem with out parenting (which I tend to think means we were too lax, ) and that it was always his friends who complained about us - not letting them come over, not letting them stay over, etc....not him complaining. I wonder if he realizes that, if we were such great parents, then what has caused his (our) problems?

We all do our best. The rest is up to them.

 

[Copabanana]

Where else can I let my pirate skirt fly???

Yeah, I know, Lil. I have been tired, and sick and overwhelmed. Too much so to even summon up the energy to post. But I know you guys are here. I do find the energy to check alerts a couple of times a day.

And knowing you guys are here helps me tolerate whatever indignities there are at work. I feel like somebody is in my corner even if it is only me (and M). Which is a great deal more than I had before.

I am glad you are here Lil. Your son is handling this well--following your lead.