difficult child 3 is moving out,my mommy heart is hurting but its seems to be the right thing.

[Rabbit]

Thanks everyone for the responses. difficult child 3 went to see 2 apartments today. The first one wanted a cosigner and I said no. (yay me). I got some good advice from my friends here. The second one said maybe. UGh
They told her to get the second job and come back with her pay stubs. The manager of the store told difficult child 3 and later me He'll hire her any time for the 5pm -midnight shift. ugh. I have convinced difficult child 3 She will have to have a car first and finish the semester. So difficult child 3 is working on a car first and waiting until June. I will not pay for said car. difficult child 3 has always heard the beat of different drummer. She dropped out of high school at 16.Within 6 months or so She got her GED. Then she took 2-3 classes at a community college. Then She started a 4 yr college. Flunked out. Got a job within 2months. worked full time for while. Then last semester took
3 classes (9credits) and got 2 A and 1 c. She is working part time and taking 2 classes (6 credits) this semester. Then She starts talking to mr Canada. Thanks again all

 

[recoveringenabler]

Good job Rabbit. Your difficult child sounds industrious and determined, so she may indeed find a way to do this on her own with two jobs. I'm glad you didn't co-sign. Keep us posted, I'd like to see how she is doing..........she sounds like an interesting young woman.

 

[gsingjane]

I know this may sound a bit presumptuous and certainly I'm not in possession of the history and the facts with your difficult child... so please take this FWIW which may be nothing for all I know!

As recovering noted, it sounds like your daughter is very strong-willed and can be extremely motivated and focused when there's a goal she wants to attain. These are excellent qualities for future success, although, as I'm sure you've also seen, they can be harmful when focused like a laser beam on the wrong goal!

Do you have any sense of her eventual goals? Would she like to graduate from a 4-year college someday? Does she aspire to a profession or a job that requires training and qualifications? The reason I ask is, she seems to be taking a very scattershot, short-term approach to her progress now. (Don't they all?) The idea of getting locked into an apartment lease, requiring a giant number of weekly work hours, would seem to crowd out any ability to progress towards more education. What concerns me, as I'm sure it does you, is that kids can "bump along" for years and years like this, and then all of a sudden there's a marriage, or baby, or a mortgage, or any number of other conditions that make it very hard to continue to make progress. The person turns 30 and is locked in, resentful and frustrated.

I also understand that Mr. Canada may not even survive a face-to-face meeting. (Let us hope so!). It does definitely sound like the relationship, such as it is, is driving the train at the moment. But, it might be worthwhile to try and figure out where else the train might be headed...

 

[Rabbit]

Jane- Thats exactly how difficult child 3 is- lives in the moment. I like u think school will be the first to go. I think She is only finishing out the semester because she paid for it and she promised me. plus taking 2-3 classes a sesmester it will take forever to finish. She refuses to go full time! How I wish difficult child 3 did things in a more typical way and not to fulfill the whim of the moment. How many times I wished she went to college,lived in a dorm ,and had friends that were not all on the internet. Nothing against internet friends. I can not get through to her. I wish She would get back on medications and therapy. For years yes I have been driven by fear she will run away or hurt herself. Yet She seems to be somewhat on track- some of the time. Sorry if this sounds confusing. Thanks to everyone for the good advice. Hugs Rabbit