Difficult Child had his phone taken away in school today ...

[TerryJ2]

but at least this time, he stayed in the bldg and went to the rest of his classes. (Last time, he walked out.)
The phone was returned at the end of the day. Why did it take them 4 yrs to do this?
(I have no idea whose phone it is. He said it is not H's. And all he does is play games on it.)

Okay, this isn't nice, but I'm going to say it anyway. You know the girl in Columbia, SC, who was being disrespectful and the school couldn't handle her, so they called the police? And the deputy flipped her over her desk? Why couldn't that have been my son???? He needs that kind of discipline.
I want that deputy to come and live at my house!
Our kids know the law and they recite it back to us from the moment they hit puberty. "I'm calling social services!!!" (Because I'm making you go to bed?)

The teacher emailed me today, and also attached Difficult Child's classwork, homework and testing grades. He's got an F in class. Makes me sick, because he got 100 on two tests. He CAN do the work, and he loves govnt. He'd just rather play games on his phone, and get high after school.

I made him do a worksheet tonight. I don't think he finished but at least he worked on it. It's about a month old. (eye roll)

Okay. Vent over.

 

[GoingNorth]

Terry, at his age, and with his behavioral history, what good do you think "making" him do a worksheet is going to do?

It isn't going to turn him into a good, supportive, responsible father.

It isn't going to cause him to quit abusing drugs.

It isn't going to get him out of H's clutches, though I suspect H isn't guilty of anything your son isn't encouraging. And, it isn't going to stop him from using/taking advantage of the mother of his child.

It isn't going to find him a proper job and somehow turn him into a responsible, young adult who places working, raising a family, and contributing to society, above having "fun" and doing what he damned well pleases.

The time has come to detach and let the chips fall where they may. The usual parental consequences aren't working. They never have worked with your son.

It's time for him to face society's consequences. You did your share. You raised him to adulthood. He has shown repeatedly that he wants to play adult games. Let him go and let him face adult consequences for his actions or lack thereof.

His history has shown that you and your husband can't change him. Nature vs. nurture, and in his case, nurture wasn't enough. Nature shines through. in my opinion, his only hope is to force him to grow up by turning the responsibility for his future over to him.

Hopefully, it'll be rough enough to turn him around. It'll be hellish for you and your husband, but hard decisions often are.

 

[Lil]

Our kids know the law and they recite it back to us from the moment they hit puberty. "I'm calling social services!!!" (Because I'm making you go to bed?)

I will never forget one of Jabber's friend's response to that statement.

"You better dial fast, because I'll be beating your @ss while you do it!"

Admittedly, I didn't think much of her parenting, but I loved that response.

 

[AppleCori]

Ugh....

How is the baby doing?

And how is the mother? Is she back in school?

Is Difficult Child seeing the baby regularly?

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree, it may not change much, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something. And frankly, I got husband to stand by while I got Difficult Child to do the worksheet. I was hoping that husband would actually take action, would actually parent ... but no, he just stood there.
He gave up when Difficult Child was about 7.
In that sense, I have two Difficult Child.

Yes, Difficult Child is seeing the baby. And she and D came over for dinner Tues. eve. The baby slept most of the time.

 

[A dad]

I am surprised at your son that among all the lets day not good things he does there are some that he does well like his attitude with his child.
Lets say in those moments you see the potential he has. Well I imagine at least.

 

[TerryJ2]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrghhh! Just after I posted at 11:47, Difficult Child walked into my office. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
He got into it again with his gov't teacher about the phone.
He took a test, and the teacher told them all that when they finish, they can just chill out. No more teaching. So Difficult Child pulled out his phone and played a game.
"Even when you know that teacher has a thing about your phone?!" I said.
"But he said we could relax and do anything!"
And this time he walked out of the bldng when the teacher called security.
So Difficult Child walked home, took a clonidine, smoked a cigarette, and met with his girlfriend, H, in the driveway.
He said that he's going to switch to a computer mod gov't class. I doubt that they will let him.

Not. My. Problem.

So why do I keep taking deep breaths?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sometimes it's our challenging kids. But... sometimes, the teachers are just as challenging as the kids. The whole range of people problems exists in teachers just like it does in every other profession.

I'm guessing you'd like to smack BOTH of them up-side the head!

 

[TerryJ2]

True. I told this teacher that Difficult Child takes everything literally. Live and learn. Both of them.