Disowning adult children - when is enough enough ?? any thoughts ?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jisduit, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Barbara, that was beautifully written and so very true, you articulated it wonderfully, thank you.
     
  2. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Oh, thank you, recovering! I came back just now to check it and see whether it was too dark. It's alright, I suppose. We really can't write honestly about painful things without feeling badly about what we have to say. What I would like to add though, is that as our son began coming back to who he was brought up to be, my feelings for him have come out of hiding.

    Painful and confusing times, for all of us.
     
  3. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    You couldn't have said it better - I want to respond but busy making dinner for my kids - THANK YOU
     
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Excellent post Barbara....just excellent.
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Jusduit....83 huh? Well we must have been there at the same time sometime...lol. I grew up on Devonwood Rd and I know that Catholic church. In fact, I had girl scouts there when I was younger. When I was born I lived on Wylmoth Drive over near that Lutheran Church. The name escapes me right now..lol.

    I remember Chesterfield Towne Center when it was Chesterfield Mall and Cloverleaf Mall was the place to go. Chesterfield Mall had what....a movie theater, a game center and a couple of stores? Now look at it...lol.

    Since I dont give a darn...my real name is Janet and I hung out with the stoner crowd with a few people named Laurie, Greg, Cindy any of those ring a bell?
     
  6. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    Barbara -

    You gave me the much need Gibb Slap - WOW - I dont know how to thank you. Those light bulbs just kept turning on if you know what I mean. I hope you don't mind but I plan on sharing alot of what you replied with my counselor. Reading and thinking about your words helped me let go of some stress and was able to actually enjoy a day with my 2 kids - your wonderful

    Janet - I knew of one janet but she was younger than me - email me at this screen name at yahoo - we can maybe figure it out - you may have known me as Deborah or Debbie
     
  7. GlassPaws55

    GlassPaws55 New Member

    When is enough enough? Today I clearly wanted to end my relationship with my 24 year old son. He is so combative, argumentative and difficult. I know he has issues but his father and I are so tired of dealing with him. Trying to complete the paperwork for Social Security for my son today.It's like being in a room with a caged tiger with only little bars separating me from the abyss. I had all to not to throw him out of the car when it was moving in traffic. I know it sounds awful as his mother, but most of the time I can't take him, stuffed or otherwise. I am so demoralized I simply cannot sleep.
     
  8. jisduit

    jisduit New Member

    I have talked t all out and made firm decisions. I wrote him a brief letter today just to say that I wont be writing or visiting. Any letters that I get from him will be returned refused a friend pointed out that if I read them I may fall for his sappy story again. I need to work on me and be there for my 21 and 6 year old and I will not tolerate his manipulation and temper tantrums. My doctor put me back on an antidepresent - I think I need it. Sentencing is scheduled for this Tuesday. Now if I can just shake this dam cold everything will be peachy.

    Glass - it doesnt sound terrible - to me it sounds healthy
     
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  9. cw_mi

    cw_mi New Member

    Great words, thanks for sharing. I sent them to my wife, since it also fits our situation.
    To the OP , I am very sorry for all that has happened.
     
  10. Estranged2015

    Estranged2015 New Member

    I'm new here tonight, grateful for all of you. Thanks especially for Barbara's long post,which is what made me join. It is so good not to feel alone.
     
  11. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Wow, I can't imagine having to go through what you have been through with your son. I agree you not only have a right to dis-own him but a responsibility to yourself and your family to do so as well. Sounds as though thorough very bad genetic DNA make up he will never be safe to be around again. I also agree that you should see a lawyer to make sure you write up your will and wishes that meet your state guidelines. My heart breaks for you having to go through this tragic situation.
     
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    2m2r, just pointing out that this is an old thread from a year ago.
     
  13. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Oh, OK, any idea how it popped up today? Coincidentally, I happen to know someone who's family member is a recent victim (December 2014-January 2015) of the same type of predator who is currently incarcerated. He has not gone to trial yet but wow what deviation to the victim and family of the victim.
     
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The threads come back to life when someone posts to it now, so the poster just before you responded and brought it back.

    Geez, I'm sorry about that person you know, that is really terrible.
     
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jisduit and tiredof33,
    I totally agree with the others, and I love the way Scent of Cedar flipped the coin--HE disowned YOU by his behavior.
    People who say they could never disown their children have never gone through what you have. And they're probably speaking from a point of view of a parent with-small children. Once you've got an older child who preys upon the little ones, you have to protect the younger ones. No questions, no discussion.
    Jisduit, you have been through a lot. Your son is mentally ill, defiant, and in denial, still hell-bent on blaming you for everything. I don't see him getting better. I agree with-the others, get a lawyer, and make sure everything in your will is ironclad. Make sure your locks have been changed. Maybe even your phone number, although nowadays you can block specific numbers.
    {{Many hugs}} Now it's your turn to take care of yourself.
     
  16. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Recovering: this post did go make me look up the laws on civil commitment for sexually violent predators- which at least we now know that this monster will never taste freedom again,
     
  17. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I was like, "How did I miss this thread?' until I saw my own post.

    I wish we could know how this mom is, today. I hope she is well and happy.

    Cedar
     
  18. Estranged2015

    Estranged2015 New Member

    Didn't find your detachment advice, will try searching for it as sketch word. Thanks.
     
  19. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I moved your post onto it's own thread, "new member needing support" in Parent Emeritus.
    At the bottom of my post here is a link, click on it and that will take you to the detachment article.
     
  20. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Did you guys notice how many views this post has?

    There are alot more of us coping with these kinds of issues than just those of us who post in about it.

    Cedar