easy child wants to come home

[Jena]

Lisa

She did want to come back, it was me who wasn't ready for it. I didn't like the way she presented, the thoughts and words she had. I just wasn't feeling it.

husband wasnt' either. she's trying to fix her whole word in 2 days so to speak. it takes alot more time than that to clean up the mess she has made. so she's begging teachers for xtra work to be able to graduate, she did state she wanted therapy and she wanted medications. which is great. yet those take a long time, and i don't know how willing i am to have her here while she goes thru that.

 

[AnnieO]

Good for you... Stick to it!!!

 

[donna723]

You're on the right track! Good for you, Jena!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I could have my difficult child come back home at this point. It has been four months since she was "living" here and it has been nothing but peaceful. We do still talk and while I don't approve of her lifestyle, I know it is beyond my control. I desperately wish she would live the way I want her to, but she has never been one for compliance... It is just far easier on the rest of us now that it is not a daily part of our lives, or in our face anymore. husband swears she will wise up one day.....he is usually right about everything else, so I have to believe him.

Good for you Jena for standing your ground and not being manipulated. I am SOOOOO proud of you!!! You have come a long way baby!

 

[susiestar]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

I am glad that you and husband reached a decision that will work for your family. That will also continue to place the responsiblity for her actions on easy child's shoulders.

 

[DDD]

Sounds like you and husband are on the right track. DDD

 

[Jena]

i really have come a long way since my days of crying daily that she left just a short what 2 mos ago maybe?? to be honest it had alot to do with what i have going on with-me. I saw myself getting so overwhelmed by her in just a half hour. i do love her, yet i won't close door on this i just know it isnt' something i'm willing to do tmrw or next week or next mos.

i'm mtg with-my therapist today to discuss it, we meet like every other week now. when i can afford it. i've been spending so much of my money on natural supplements and vitamins lately

 

[hearts and roses]

Coming in a bit late to this discussion, I've read every post and your outcome. I'm happy to see that you're thinking with a clear head, allowed easy child to have her say and tell you her plan and then state your priorities...and then follow through. That is GREAT for YOU. When my difficult child moved out for a few weeks just before her 18th b'day, I think it was a total of 8 weeks, (6 with her dad on LI), I missed her terribly. Just as H and I were adjusting to a home with less daily stress, fighting, late night screaming matches and harsh words between H and difficult child, she called crying to come home. I told her I'd think about it...waiting another couple of weeks. We finally did allow her to come home and I can tell you, it was great for a couple of weeks, then the honeymoon ended and it was even worse than before. The Great Manipulator snaked her way back into our home only to drive us to the brink of ruin. She FINALLY, after quite a few blow ups, dumped Monkeyboy (the most horrible worst boyfriend ever) and almost over night, her life began to get on track...nothing is perfect, but I can honestly say that moving out and into an apt with her current old man E, we are much better. I have the patience to listen to her fantastic tales, I can empathize with her, but not be manipluated by her, we can meet for lunch, coffee, a movie and enjoy ourselves together, she kisses H and me hello and goodbye, tells us she loves us, and her boyfriend is a sweetheart to us. Do I wish she went to college and earned a degree in something stable that can support herself? Yes. Do I wish she'd take better care of her health? Yes. But she doesn't drink or drug anymore and she's actually pleasant to be around. I have told her that if things go sour with E she can always come home, but my fingers are crossed that it never happens. It's better with her being out and on her own, even if she does live above E's parents in their home, really that's okay. lol.

I just want to say that I personally do not think there is an age limit on how long our kids can live at home. If they contribute and help around the home, respect the rules and support themselves, I don't have a problem with my adult daughter living at home. easy child lives with us, she pays us rent, she helps with chores, respects our curfew and schedules and is pleasant most of the time (she's a moody Scorpio). Would it be nice for her to move out? Sure, but she's working full time and going to school full time, she can't afford her own place. I have never believed in pushing the kids out at 18. If they're unruly, yes, but otherwise, what's the rush? Just my .02.

 

[mrsammler]

The kids leaving the home at 18 or after college is not a global norm--it's an American norm. In many European countries, kids live at home deep into their twenties, usually until they marry or cohabit with someone or their careers lift off enough that they can easily afford their own place. And parents don't mind this, as it's the norm and, after all the trouble that kids typically are in their teens, it's nice to enjoy their company once they settle down and become young adults. And adult kids are expected to pull their weight, help out financially and with chores/errands, etc--i.e., they don't just keep on living dependently as if childhood had never ended (as difficult children seem to expect and insist upon). A good example is Rafael Nadal: in mid-20s, very rich and accomplished in his career as pro athlete, but he lived at home (in Majorca) with his parents until very recently (when they split up) and no one thought it odd or even notable.

The problem is when they *insist upon* living parasitically at home despite terrible behavior, treating parents like dirt, violating household rules, making no contribution, etc etc. This seems to be entirely the province of difficult children rather than a cultural norm.

 

[Malika]

Yes, I echo that - though I would say it is more of a continental European norm for young adults to remain at home with their parents until they marry or cohabit. The UK has become a bit more like the US in that regard so that it now seems "abnormal" for someone in their mid-twenties, for example, to be still living at home. In Italy, however, it is de rigueur, I understand...!