Miss LULU Boy I so know how you feel.
It just shows how universal our feelings are. I could have written your exact words. I do check my son's Facebook page once and a while. It helps to see if he is alive but also sometimes gives me more worries. It funny sometime I am OK not hearing from him and then I get who knows what in my head and think and worry about him constantly . I have started to turn off the ringer on my phone as every time I heard it my stress level would go up. Now I can answer it if I want ,when I want. I too do not want my son around for any period of time as the stress is just to much. I stopped feeling bad about this just sad. He has chosen a life I just don't get for whatever reason , all I know is I can't control it. I have tried and tried to do whatever I can for the last 12 years and nothing has worked. I hate to say I have given up but I am now trying (trying) to give it to him. It's just hard when he calls and wants something. Always the decision of what to do.He can't come here because of the restrictions and in some ways that's a blessing. I would like to hear from him and to know he's okay, but that's out of my control. Even so, right this minute my stomach is in knots because I texted and he hasn't replied. I need to distract myself and try to think about something else.