FINALLY, difficult child IN INPATIENT REHAB - sigh (of relief!) . . .

[SONS GONE WILD]

Hello everyone. I've been around here and there . . . difficult child is finally in a 3-6 month inpatient rehab. husband and I flew with him to Oklahoma on Saturday to check out the facility and enrolled him on the spot. I did a lot of research and instincts tell us it is a good place/good fit for him. I haven't stopped praying since. Just hope he likes it and agrees to stay. We've already told him if he doesn't complete the program, he can't come back home. I can't tell you how relaxed I am at home without him - not worrying about who he is bringing in my house, the smell of his cigarette smoke, worrying about where he is, with who, and what he is doing. But, of course, I can't stop thinking about him, miss him and am constantly worried that he will call and tell me he hates it there! Anyway, just wanted to post this newest development. Sure wish we had done this sooner. We'll be in the poor house by the time it is all over, but I don't regret this decision one bit. Please add us to your prayers if you can, I am sure it will be a long few months!
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[katya02]

Congratulations on finding a good program for your difficult child and getting him admitted! That's a huge step. You've given him the environment, the therapy, and the education that will come with the program - now it's up to him. Even if he doesn't completely 'get it' during this admission, he will receive important information that may come back to him at a critical time later. Telling him that coming home depends on completing the program is a very, very good thing too - though he will probably test your resolve. At some point he's going to be unhappy with the program, since they bring up a lot of concepts that are uncomfortable; he will probably call you to say he hates it and try to convince you to let him come home.

Again congrats! Now you can take a deep breath, do some things for yourself and your husband and other kids, and have a peaceful holiday.

 

[recovering doormat]

I'm right behind you in the same boat with-my 15 yr old difficult child. We are looking at those places but our problem is that he is already telling us that no matter where we take him, he won't go. We have two chances to place him in a rehab/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program for his sub abuse and ODD behavior and juvenile court says if he refuses both, they will place him in juvie for an undetermined amount of time.

He says juvie is a piece of cake. He's known kids who have gone,but they've only gone a week at a time for school fights, etc. My son was arrested for knocking over a TV at my house and being in possession of drug paraphernalia. Had he complied with his supervision at the time of his arrest, he would not have been placed on probation and then referred to the court. But he wouldn't do his community service, continues to smoke week despite being drug tested last week, refuses to go to school, and when he's there cuts class. He failed his entire first quarter due to cutting class.

I'm sick about having him go to juvenile detention with no way of knowing how long he'll be there. No one I've met thinks kids do better in state detention. But he is stubborn like no one I've ever met before, and smart. He knows that he has the final say over entering the treatment places we picked out for him.

Some parents use escort services (pair of burly guys who break into the kids' bedroom at 4 a.m. and drag them into a waiting car, take them to facility, telling them, cooperate and we'll be gentle) but I'm not ready to go that route just yet. Maybe I'm being naive.

I wish you the best and would love to hear how things are going on both ends, your home and where your boy is. I am craving that relief you are finally getting knowing that he can't victimize you all in your own home.

I hope this experience makes an impression on him. At the very least, you and your family get to heal for a while and you will be stronger and better able to deal with him when he is finished. Kudos to you for telling him to his face that if he doesn't finish, he can't come home. Tough love is so hard but you are doing what a loving parent does, set boundaries and limits for himself as much as for you.

Sending you prayers for continued strength...

 

[DDD]

Way To Go, SWG!! I know that feeling of relief combined with cautious optimism. Ditto the other replies. He will learn something. I hope he
"gets it all"....but he will benefit at least in some way.

Fingers crossed that he steps up to the plate and takes control of his life in a positive way. I'm adding a prayer or two to yours. Hugs. DDD

 

[susiestar]

Way to Go!! If it is the facility I emailed you about, he has a really great chance. They do very good work. They will work to make him take responsibility for his actions. Honestly, if they can get through to my bro, they can reach almost anyone.

I will add my prayers for his recovery. If it is a different facility in OK, well, I am sure it is a good one and still add my prayers!

 

[SONS GONE WILD]

Thanks everyone for all of your support. Susiestar, it is not the facility you told me about, but one I believe is a good fit for him. And thanks for the comments about him learning at least something from this experience. That is a good thought that I will certainly keep with me. Its been a long haul; I know its not over, but feel much better being to this point. Everyone else hang in there with your difficult children!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Oh I will be praying that this is a good thing for him!

 

[bran155]

Sorry I am so late to this. Congrats!!! Good for you and him. Take this time to enjoy the peace, take care of you and husband. He will be just fine. He is where he needs to be. You now have the opportunity to live your life. So, go live it!!! Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. You are a good mom for doing so, no you are a great mom!!!

I will keep you and your family in my prayers!! God bless.