I'm right behind you in the same boat with-my 15 yr old difficult child. We are looking at those places but our problem is that he is already telling us that no matter where we take him, he won't go. We have two chances to place him in a rehab/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program for his sub abuse and ODD behavior and juvenile court says if he refuses both, they will place him in juvie for an undetermined amount of time.
He says juvie is a piece of cake. He's known kids who have gone,but they've only gone a week at a time for school fights, etc. My son was arrested for knocking over a TV at my house and being in possession of drug paraphernalia. Had he complied with his supervision at the time of his arrest, he would not have been placed on probation and then referred to the court. But he wouldn't do his community service, continues to smoke week despite being drug tested last week, refuses to go to school, and when he's there cuts class. He failed his entire first quarter due to cutting class.
I'm sick about having him go to juvenile detention with no way of knowing how long he'll be there. No one I've met thinks kids do better in state detention. But he is stubborn like no one I've ever met before, and smart. He knows that he has the final say over entering the treatment places we picked out for him.
Some parents use escort services (pair of burly guys who break into the kids' bedroom at 4 a.m. and drag them into a waiting car, take them to facility, telling them, cooperate and we'll be gentle) but I'm not ready to go that route just yet. Maybe I'm being naive.
I wish you the best and would love to hear how things are going on both ends, your home and where your boy is. I am craving that relief you are finally getting knowing that he can't victimize you all in your own home.
I hope this experience makes an impression on him. At the very least, you and your family get to heal for a while and you will be stronger and better able to deal with him when he is finished. Kudos to you for telling him to his face that if he doesn't finish, he can't come home. Tough love is so hard but you are doing what a loving parent does, set boundaries and limits for himself as much as for you.
Sending you prayers for continued strength...