Food suggestions...please help!

[Josie]

When difficult child 1 was a toddler, her pediatrician told me to make something I thought she would like and she either ate it or not. I think that I spent too much time thinking about what she would like instead of expecting her to eat what husband and I were eating.

She was picky so I made food for her that I thought she would like, like macaroni and cheese or leaving her spaghetti without sauce. She did not even like pizza because of the sauce. I ordered a lot of pizza in those days when I didn't feel like cooking so there was no way I was going to give that up or even make her something else on those nights. Eventually, she did learn to eat pizza with the sauce. She still will not eat sauce on spaghetti. (Then she complains that it is too "plain". LOL)

She is now 13 and eats very few foods. Sometimes, she complains that she eats the same thing over and over. I just make whatever we are having for dinner and she makes herself a hamburger and rice. She is trying a few more foods now when she is out with her friends.

Another problem she has is that she will eat the same thing over and over because that is all she likes and then get tired of it and never eat it again. So the problem gets worse instead of better. I have tried bribing her with a dollar to try new foods. She still won't do it as often as you would think. She could probably make $5 a day doing this! Many weeks go by without her trying anything new.

Since your son is still so young, I would make what you want to eat, send him a reasonable lunch that you think he might eat, and let him be hungry if he doesn't eat it. I wouldn't keep serving him the same thing over and over, wheter he ate it or not. I would think that eventually he will be hungry enough that he will eat something that isn't his first choice.

I agree with the book Smallworld recommended, "Child of Mine".

My daughter doesn't seem to have any sensory issues, so I am ignoring that aspect. Based on my experience with difficult child 1, though, I think letting them dictate the menu perpetuates the problem. Sometimes, they have to eat something that isn't their favorite. I just wish my daughter would learn this.

 

[DammitJanet]

Since he will eat hamburger and rice, I have something we call "porcupine balls" that we make here. All it really is is rice meatballs. You take hamburger, instant rice and some salt and pepper and onion salt if you want...mix up, form into meatballs...place in an oven bag with tomato sauce and bake. Doesnt take long at all and my kids loved them. They would travel well to school.

I love eating cheese sticks dipped in applesauce.

How about those new oatmeal cookie bars for breakfast? Or those bagel bars with cream cheese inside? You just heat them up for a few seconds and YUM! You could heat one up before you send it and it would be room temp when he went to eat it. They have a strawberry one that is to die for. Keyana loves it.

 

[Marguerite]

Another problem she has is that she will eat the same thing over and over because that is all she likes and then get tired of it and never eat it again.

Oh boy, do we know this one! easy child 2/difficult child 2 again, she was a terror for this. She would ask for a certain food, I would happily make it because at least she was eating soemthing - then she would refuse to eat it on consecutive nights (I cook in bulk because I had a full house which would eat in bulk. Sometimes we had leftovers, especially if she didn't eat her dinner or said she wasn't hungry).

Or I would cook chicken a lot (because it's cheap and because BF2 likes chicken A LOT!) and then easy child 2/difficult child 2 would say, "I've gone off chicken, we've had it too much lately." But she won't eat beef! Pork was too much like chicken and she was sick of chiecken. Basically, I was expected to do the thinking for her and work out what to feed her... a grown woman legally an adult.

She has now left home and living with BF2. They have to take responsibility for their own meals. BF2 cooks a lot of the time (chicken, of course!) and he still requests chicken when they come visit (I ask him to make the choice). easy child 2/difficult child 2 is now cooking more and AT LAST! using the cooking techniques I taught her (I also taught easy child, but she has since had to teach herself to cook, she never learnt from me).

A surprising aspect to easy child 2/difficult child 2 cooking - she makes a lot of soup, especially going in to winter.

What "rang her bells" with soup, was the story of stone soup. If you can get Jim Henson's "Storyteller" DVDs, look for "Stone Soup".

We acted out the story of stone soup and actually made some. We used rubbish - the chicken carcass almost picked clean; carrot peelings; onion peelings; some fresh herbs picked from the garden; some salt; water, of course. And of course, a smooth river stone to start it all off.
We did it together as I told the story. Soon easy child 2/difficult child 2 was scampering around the kitchen (like the miserly oldman in the story, who doesn't want to share anything, who is always trying to get something for nothing and who boasts that he will NEVER allow any freeloaders under his roof). She would rummage in the cupboards and in the fridge asking, "Will we put this in? What about that?" I actually did this once while we were on holidays, when the larder really was meagre because we had the bare minimum. THAT was a challenge!

You start with a pot of water, and the stone. You declare that you are going to make soup out of the stone. All you need is water. Of course, a bit of salt would be useful... and any old rubbish not likely to be needed (such as the chicken carcase, or an old ham bone, or scraps here and there...) the end result can be a delicious soup and it's always a little different depending on what you put in it. If your child is watching you make this, he/she knows exactly what has gone into it and so shouldn't be worried about the hidden nasty surprises (that used to be my problem as a kid).

Sipping the broth shouldn't be too difficult - any yucky bits deliver up their flavour but don't have to be ingested. So your kid doesn't like onion or garlic - no problem, they don't have to eat it. But the soup benefits from it with the flavour. And the child can drink just the broth, even strained if they insist, and they're still getting all the nourishment.

Never allow it to boil madly; it is best left with the surface barely moving, a very gentle simmer. And especially if boiling a chicken carcass, don't boil it for more than an hour (unless it's a whole boiler chook). This actually works to your benefit, when teaching a child, because they don't like to wait for too long.

Tasting as you go is also good - you ask yourself and also ask the child (as they do in the story) - "Is there anything else this soup could use?"

WHen easy child 2/difficult child 2 left home, she took the stone with her.

I don't think 5 is too young for this story/lesson.

Marg

 

[Steely]

Matthew was a pretty picky eater as well. However he liked Mexican food which it sounds like Sammy does as well. So for lunch I would send with him a hot thermos of refried beans, and corn chips. I am sure every other kid in preschool thought he was bizarro - but it was the only thing he ate for months. The other thing he would eat for lunch was tuna. The truth be told - Matthew rarely ate his lunch. Rarely. It was usually just a waste of my money to pack him anything (but of course you have to).

I don't think you have to be a great cook to help Sammy eat - just start choosing random things at the grocery store and see if he will eat them. Pistachio nuts, fruit roll ups without sugar, healthy treats from the health food store, fancy salmon - whatever he finds intriguing or interesting he will probably try at least once - and if he likes it - then it is a home run.

 

[Marguerite]

Look for patterns in what he likes and dislikes. For example, difficult child 3 dislikes creamy textures. easy child 2/difficult child 2 will ONLY eat creamy textures (it was like living with Jack Spratt and his wife!). easy child 2/difficult child 2 hates "bits" in her food. She wouldn't even eat home-made biscuits with anything in them, especially not nuts. She would allow choc chips, that's all. So I stopped making biscuits.

Marg

 

[therese005us]

I don't mean to be rude or cutting, but everyone seems to be making suggestions to keep the peace with this child. I realise he has issues, and some are so similar to my son who is now 19... he still has problems with his eating habits. However, we as parents still have a right to keep a modicom of control in our family lives. Therefore, even if you do try to find things which your child will eat, I think it would be important to let them know that you, the parent is still in control... else don't you think the child will try it on again, when they feel like they want something better? Today it might be cheese he won't eat, so you'll find something else... tomorrow it will be the something else they won't eat... it will end up being a vicious circle with mum and dad dancing to their tune all the time. maybe the other children might mimic the behaviour to get what they want.
I've fostered for nearly 13 years and had all sorts of behaviours to deal with, not the least were the eating habits. Lots of children used the dinner table to assert their need to feel in control of a situation for a change... one child used to refuse to eat the food, but then sneak it to his room, to eat later... he never was sure where the next meal would come from...
Others used to gag deliberately for the attention she/he got... they wanted to be loved....
Others refused to eat vegetables, or particular color foods...
We managed to get through it, and eventually they learned that they didn't have to finish/like the food before them, but they just had to try a little and eat a particular amount to satisfy our rules. It never became a huge issue.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my humble opinion, we as parents need to make sure that the child realises we are the parent, we love them dearly, we are in control. Going down the road of cooking special foods, buying special foods, etc. to me seems a little extreme, pandering to a whim.
Now I'll duck, in case anyone wants to shout at me....

Good luck with it, it's really not an easy one I know...

Sorry if I've offended.... I'm saying it in love...

 

[Marguerite]

Trish, it's a matter of finding a happy medium. We do need to avoid bending over backwards to accomodate a child who is simply being picky. But we also need to be aware that with sensory integration issues, the usual parental authority when imposed, can lead to warfare. We should never become a slave to our child's faddishness because that is the way to create a spoilt brat and a kid who calls the shots. But there are times when we need to give consideration to a child who has big problems with certain tastes and textures. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 refusing to eat chicken because she's had it too much lately - too bad. I would accomodate her but only as far as I could plan ahead and avoid it. I wouldn't rush out and buy something special just for her, if it was just a matter of "one gets so tired of chicken..." However, neither would I buy bulk chicken and expect to feed it to my family every night with no change.

Cooking with variety is something to aim for, not only to avoid the boredom factor but also to keep up enough variety, to challenge kids who prefer sameness and predictability. But if you have a kid who has already 'shut down' in terms of narrowing their food choices (which generally only happens with a kid who is a serious difficult child in terms of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) etc), you need to work back towards variety, not simply go into "I am the parent" mode.

I grew up with a mother who would not compromise. We also couldn't afford to waste food, which was plain and budget. Her method of trying to get me to eat, was to chop unliked vegetables up into tiny pieces, so I wouldn't find them. But it only made me even more finicky about hunting for everytiny little piece. Capsicum, for example. I hated it. The flavour was just too strong. I was still made to eat it and found that if I avoided biting into it, I could avoid inhaling the fragrance of it (hence the taste) I vividly remember hating it (I quite like it now). I would find every piece and cut it small enough for me to swallow it whole. Despite having a mother who was definitely the boss of the menu and who never catered to me separately, I still had very strong likes and dislikes, and mealtimes were battlegrounds. She could have so easily made life easier - giving me raw vegetables instead of cooked, for example. That is something I will do for my kids even now - if my kids will happily eat a raw carrot, that is what I give them instead of going to the trouble to cook all of it. I simply separate out some of the carrot before cooking, and put the raw carrot sticks on the kids' plates.

Some food faddishness can become worse if you pander to it, but in a lot of cases with difficult children especially those with autism-related issues, the more you force it, the worse you can make it.

So we found a compromise - when there is a different food, or one previously rejected, we ask difficult child 3 to have a taste. We have a glass of water handy at his request (to rinse his mouth out, washing away any unpleasant taste) but the rule is, he MUST have a taste. If he doesn't like it, we have his requested alternative available. I won't serve up something entirely new to him and not have something familiar also available. But he also knows that we won't waste food, nor allow it to be wasted by anyone else. So he can have his raw carrot, but I will ask him to taste my steamed honey carrots too. I know he will like it.

For example - he loves spaghetti bolognese (my recipe). He would eat it exclusively. But maybe I've cooked a new curry. I'll get difficult child 3 to have a taste of my serve and to then decide - will he eat a serve of curry? Sometimes I can tempt him with the promise to give him a small serve of spaghetti bolognese after he eats a small serve of curry. If he knows he can have what he knows he likes, he is more likely to take a chance and have a taste.

By pushing the "have a taste, no obligations", we are keeping his palate challenged and his tastes as broad as possible.

However, often the problem goes way beyond a child trying to use food to control us.

Trish, your methods sound similar to ours. However, we did have to modify what we cooked on a regular basis, in order to have enough "win" cases. For example, if I cook steak-and-kidney, although we might like the overall flavour, nobody will eat it. I buy corn on the cob and cook it, but I know that husband won't eat it. So I make it for me and difficult child 3. When the girls had braces of the kids were going through the tooth fairy stage, corn on the cob was off-limits to them. Whether we like to admit it or not, we do modify the menu to meet the varying tastes and preferences of the family.

But you are right - we mustn't let it get out of control and become the main focus for the family dinner table. We have done our best to keep it all as low-key as possible, to reduce the chances of the kid using it to control.

Marg

 

[AnnieO]

If he is having issues with bread, you may want to try pita or tortillas. If you use tortillas though make sure you cook them in a hot skillet for about 10 seconds though as most of the prepackaged ones north of Amarillo are undercooked and therefore taste doughy.

You can put all kinds of stuff on tortillas. Cheese... butter... PB&J... and you may want to try Nutella (which is hazelnut butter with cocoa... Sounds awful but it's quite good).

Also a thought is... Take him to the grocery with you... Say... "We need vegetables. What sounds good?" Then when cooking get his help. Even at 5 they can wash or tear apart.

 

[Dara]

We are not bending over backwards for him. He is really trying to like food and he just doesnt. My concern is that he doesnt eat and then turns into the beast because he is starving and hasnt eaten anything substantial. We usually get in one good meal a day. Yesterday I made eggs for lunch he kind of ate that and for dinner I made tacos and rice and guacamole. He ate a bite of rice, a bite of taco and a whole lot of guacamole. I really think it is the medication doing this because we never had this problem before the medications. It is just frustrating all around and I really ran out of ideas. We have gone through the grocery store and he has picked stuff out and tried it and not liked it. That is the real problem. When you ask him what is your tummy hungry for he really doesnt know. Nothing entices him. The good news is that he likes cereal so we always have that... Thank you for all of your ideas!!

 

[AnnieO]

Well, at least he likes the guacamole! Avocados are good. My kids won't touch it, though I love it.

Pudding maybe? Thinking about the texture of the guac... maybe tapioca, though a lot of people don't like the lumps. Fruit smoothies?

If it's the taste that puts him off, it could be the medications. Since I started taking Lexapro I've found I don't like fruit much anymore. It all tastes funny unless it's citrus.

 

[DammitJanet]

Guacamole is good for him at least. Will he eat just plain avocado? Maybe sliced on a hamburger since he seems to like hamburger. Or heck...guac on a hamburger.

This may well be medication related. Lots of medications change taste buds. Wellbutrin made my beloved Diet Coke taste yucky.