Found His Stash

[pasajes4]

I had my sister in law come over and mow the yard while difficult child is in psychiatric hospital. He found a baggie with weed in it and told me that the outer window was broken. The window was probably his latest damage done the night he went to the hospital. It just gets better and better. I have to wonder if his latest spat of aggression is related to drug use mixed with his prescribed medications. I will have to mention this to his doctor and therapist. He will of course deny it and because I did not find it until now, he will no doubt say it is not his and that he did not break the window.

I wish I could be more optomistic about his progress and future. Why would someone go out of their way to be so self destrutive. He can be the sweetest most loving kid you could ever meet. Even at his worst he can be so darn likable and yet at the same time be destructive and manipulative.
I am in a constant state of not knowing what to make of all of this. He is such a contradiction.

 

[DDD]

Since he can be volatile I would suggest that you tell him that you found his pot and destroyed it...while he is in placement. The only time our difficult child#1 displayed anger directed at us was when he was around 15 and I found his stash. His stash was more than a baggie. When he found out that I had fed the weed into a half full bottle of Clorox and then gotten rid of it...he went ballistic. Your bag was likely for personal use only but he "knows" it is there at home and when he returns you might have an explosion of temper. Better he learns about it in a structured setting.
Hugs DDD

 

[Zardo]

Great advice - while he is in a supportive setting - that's the time to present things that you KNOW he ill react to. Use the professionals to help him process. How about insisting - let me correct that - requiring that he particpate in an outpatient program? Even if he thinks you're ridiculous, the program directors have ways of reaching them. He can just sit and listen until he decides where he stands. As I usually say - those programs run in a "group therapy" way - nothing reaches teens like other teens. I have heard many people say "he's just not willing to go" - OK - what do you have that he wants?....car keys, computers, cell phones, etc. Again - while in treatment - present it as a condition for his release - they call it a discharge plan. They will help to get his commitment to doing it. Good luck.

 

[pasajes4]

We did it in therapy today and of course he was full of "not me, it was someone elses"...His plan is drug test and outside counseling....complies he has his phone...no compliance or a "dirty" no phone.

 

[Zardo]

Good for you! In my town, I have had a lot of parents come to me for advice as my story is fairly well known due to my son's very public unraveling. It is so frustrating to give the same advice over and over and see parents afraid to take the tough steps that are the only way to break through. God forbid they don't have their phone or car for a while. While I understand how scary it can be sometimes to stand firm against a defiant teenager, you must be strong to break through. By confronting and holding him accountable to YOUR (which are also society's by the way) conditions, you are helping him. Don't back down on the counseling - again - groups are better if possible. I have heard of lot a parents say "he won't go to counseling" - WHAT - doesn't he want stuff from you???? You were strong - now be calm and carry on!

 

[InsaneCdn]

On finding the stash... just be aware that there may be more than one stash...

 

[Zardo]

I agree with that too.

 

[pasajes4]

I also contacted the juvenile court system to see about court compliance drug testing and low and behold not only will they draw up an order, they will send him to a wilderness camp where compliance with the structure and others determines wether or not you sleep in a tent or under the stars and so on.

 

[Zardo]

WOW - the COURT system will pay for that????? OMG - do it!!! We just spent $30K on a 90 Wilderness program. After one month home - much improvement - not perfect - but improvement. What I would say is it puts them in a frame of mind where you can actually work with them. Before Wilderness - every day was a complete stuggle. Many kids are there to come to terms with their substance use, anger and defiance of rules and authority. Strike while the iron is hot!!!!! Good luck!

 

[pasajes4]

Yes mam, I hate to say it but i hope he gets a "dirty".

 

[Zardo]

He probably will - I am sorry to say it, but it usually works this way - they just can't stay away from the stuff until they feel enough pain. While you are waiting, there are some books you should read so that you know what it's all about and feel ready when/if it happens. Start with "Intervention - Anything but My Own Skin" by Chad Hepler - that book was written by Chad and details the story of his Wilderness rehab intervention, starting with him being taken in the middle of the night by a transport service. Then, there are two books written by John McKinnon - "The Unchanged Mind" and "To Change a Mind". John is the founder of a well known TBS. He is a psychiatrist who has dedecated his career to helping teens with "global failure" such as our kids. He describes so well why this is happening and in To Change a Mind, his gives much insight and tools to help you deal with a struggling teen. They are all quick reads.

 

[pasajes4]

Thank you for the "reads" I most certainly will. When all is said and done, I will be able to open my own practice....LOL

 

[pasajes4]

difficult child is home fro psychiatric hospital and trying to get money out of me to buy more weed. I am now a fake "b" and every other name but Jesus. He started to hit the wall but stoped when he saw I had my cell phone in hand ready to speed dial the police. I do not want him in my house.

 

[Zardo]

I would reccomend a very short leash on calling the police for any physical outbust. The more you call, the sooner he gets help. It sounds like he needs a long-term stay at a rehab facility of some sort. The pot will take time to clear out of his system (any whatever else he has been using). Until that happens and he gest some perspective the anger thing will continue and you will be living minute by minute. Just make sure you don't stand for it so that he sees that it is unacceptable behavior.

 

[pasajes4]

Well this morning is already off to a wonderful start. He walked in my room and startled me. I went off. This is something that just sets my teeth on edge and I screamed at him as I know I should not have after all I am the adult. This was after him sneaking two kids in the house last night that he knows i do not want in my house and then asking me to drive them home. I am so on edge I called in to cancel my job for the day. I work with special population kids and they pick up everything and I would just be setting them up for a no good awful day. I agree that he needs long term placement but my ins. is maxed out on his care. I could use a vacation from all of this. I wish I could go somewhere and have nothing to worry about other than myself.