Copabanana
Well-Known Member
What you are describing is an impulse control disorder. There are effective treatments. I know people who have been helped.
Help! Is this normal for a private Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?
- Thread starter Baggy Bags
- Start date
Tired out
Well-Known Member
That doctor wants to talk on the phone and not put it in writing for a reason. if he puts it in writing you have proof of a scam, or he has to actually have the test done. Just my opinion. This whole thing sounds like a mess.
there are a lot of explanations for your son's actions and reactions. a brain tumor sure that could cause crazy actions. A brain deformity? He would have had behaivor problems before age 16 if he had a brain deformity and probably a lot more problems than just behavior.
The he can take care of himself but won't. He's threatened to kill you?
When you talk to your son can you ask him what he wants from you? Can he put it into words, what he actually wants. He told you he isn't coming back to where you are. His bio dad said he isn't staying with him.
Some of the kids on here just sound like spoiled brats that act off the wall when they don't get their way about everything and are actually asked/told do something (my son included) the entitled generation.
it sounds like you family has money, your son knows it, the doctors know it and they all want to figure out a way to get it.
maybe I am way off base..I doubt it.
there are a lot of explanations for your son's actions and reactions. a brain tumor sure that could cause crazy actions. A brain deformity? He would have had behaivor problems before age 16 if he had a brain deformity and probably a lot more problems than just behavior.
The he can take care of himself but won't. He's threatened to kill you?
When you talk to your son can you ask him what he wants from you? Can he put it into words, what he actually wants. He told you he isn't coming back to where you are. His bio dad said he isn't staying with him.
Some of the kids on here just sound like spoiled brats that act off the wall when they don't get their way about everything and are actually asked/told do something (my son included) the entitled generation.
it sounds like you family has money, your son knows it, the doctors know it and they all want to figure out a way to get it.
maybe I am way off base..I doubt it.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
There are huge developmental changes at adolescence and neurological problems that had been dormant, latent can be triggered at that time.
I am not saying this is the case. I am not saying to believe or trust this doctor. He may or may not be trustworthy. What I am saying is that what he is suggesting, that there could be brain abnormality, could be so.
Right now there is no other ready or reasonable option except to work this through. Learn what he suspects and why. Learn about each test and decide. Look at results.
This mom is terrorized at the idea her son would come home. He has attacked her husband. He has threatened to kill her and tried. He has been actively suicidal. He has been psychotic. He has run away repeatedly. He is not safe at home. She is not safe with him home. For now.
I vote for one day at a time. And more information. $400 for safe tests is not a lot of money. Meanwhile he seems safe. He is where he could be diagnosed and treated. (Again. I am not endorsing this doctor.)
$3000 a month for intensive therapeutic residential is not alot. The biodad is financially responsible for now not B. There seems to be a discount in the works.
This is my question. During the time L was with his grandmother there seems to have been no running away, self harm or aggression. How does this make sense?
I am not saying this is the case. I am not saying to believe or trust this doctor. He may or may not be trustworthy. What I am saying is that what he is suggesting, that there could be brain abnormality, could be so.
Right now there is no other ready or reasonable option except to work this through. Learn what he suspects and why. Learn about each test and decide. Look at results.
This mom is terrorized at the idea her son would come home. He has attacked her husband. He has threatened to kill her and tried. He has been actively suicidal. He has been psychotic. He has run away repeatedly. He is not safe at home. She is not safe with him home. For now.
I vote for one day at a time. And more information. $400 for safe tests is not a lot of money. Meanwhile he seems safe. He is where he could be diagnosed and treated. (Again. I am not endorsing this doctor.)
$3000 a month for intensive therapeutic residential is not alot. The biodad is financially responsible for now not B. There seems to be a discount in the works.
This is my question. During the time L was with his grandmother there seems to have been no running away, self harm or aggression. How does this make sense?
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Baggy Bags
Active Member
That's what we thought because she (my mom) wasn't saying anything about what he was doing, which was pretty much whatever he wanted. Someone says they saw him with a "gang" in an area very far away from my mom's house, when people at family services told her that he needed constant supervision. He was drinking and smoking cigs and weed in her house, with her. He stole money from her at least a few times. She recently confessed.
I called the center again tonight. L basically told me to stop calling because it's against the rules.
So, I'm going to try and relax a little for now.
The psychiatrist asked me to write L's story. It was 7 pages long after lots of chopping. We'll see what he responds and I'll ask more about the tests.
I called the center again tonight. L basically told me to stop calling because it's against the rules.
So, I'm going to try and relax a little for now.
The psychiatrist asked me to write L's story. It was 7 pages long after lots of chopping. We'll see what he responds and I'll ask more about the tests.
Triedntrue
Well-Known Member
I know when they discussed the tests on my son they were looking to see if there had been an injury that had caused damage to his brain as well as a tumor. I don't know if it is the same. I would not trust having him home again. If you can set him up in a buisness can you set him up in an apt or home so that he is not with you but is safe. I know he is only 16 and am not sure if the laws there would permit this.
Baggy Bags
Active Member
No. Legal age is 18 and I just don't think he would be able to live in a healthy way by himself anyway.
But maybe that's what he'll learn in the place. Hopefully.
But maybe that's what he'll learn in the place. Hopefully.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You know B he could grow out of this. I'll try to relax too. I'm worried about my son too.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
My son just wrote he can't sleep anymore in the truck in the big metro and he's moving to a city near me, homeless. I don't want him back near me. But I'm frantic with worry and sorrow. I would see him with a therapist but I told him not to come here.
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BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
Baggy Bags, just want to say I am very sorry for what you are going through right now. I agree with Copa, one step at a time. How old is your son and what is the legal age of majority in your country?
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Your son wont live a healthy life with you either. He wont listen. He will leave. He will do drugs if he wNts to do drugs. He will do criminal acts. He will literally make you or husband sick or die.
How are you going to stop him from doing dangerous things if he lives with you,? What would your plan be? You cant call the police. So you said. You will be HIS prisoner.
I wouldnt let him back with me if he threatened to kill me. Sorry. Never.
There is nothing tou can really do. I dont know anyone who was here in the last ten years who has been able watch and control an off the rails kid over 16. Including me. But we did have police in emergencies.
How are you going to stop him from doing dangerous things if he lives with you,? What would your plan be? You cant call the police. So you said. You will be HIS prisoner.
I wouldnt let him back with me if he threatened to kill me. Sorry. Never.
There is nothing tou can really do. I dont know anyone who was here in the last ten years who has been able watch and control an off the rails kid over 16. Including me. But we did have police in emergencies.
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You could get ongoing help to pay the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) through a GoFundMe campaign. It's really easy to set up a page.
Think about it. If only 100 people worldwide gave $20 a month, with a fee reduction by the place, it would pay for L. To stay.
In the past week I donated $120 to help somebody I know take a sabbatical.pfft. It is too easy to donate. My friend has gotten 150 or so donations in 2 weeks. With all the people you know....
Think about it. If only 100 people worldwide gave $20 a month, with a fee reduction by the place, it would pay for L. To stay.
In the past week I donated $120 to help somebody I know take a sabbatical.pfft. It is too easy to donate. My friend has gotten 150 or so donations in 2 weeks. With all the people you know....
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Baggy Bags
Active Member
Yeah, we were talking about that last night. I need to find out if there is a private way of doing crowdfunding, so that it only reaches the people we trust enough to handle that kind of information about L. How can you do something public like that with a mental health case and not stigmatize the person for life? I'm sure there's a way. Need to figure it out.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You could not use hls real name. You could tell people you know and trust, the anonymous name. I am sure there's a way. I mean...Everybody in our lives knows already. I used to be worried about stigma. But now I recognize it is reality. His life will not always be this way. But this period will always be a real part of it.
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My friend has A Go Fund Me for her grandson with cancer. They use pictures, updates and info on how to donate to other cancer sites.
I dont know if strangers will be so interested in donating if it were ananymos. There are fake Go Fund Me Accounts.
You can try it but dont expect to be completely funded. Even this little four year old with cancer and a well known family cant cover everything. His grandparents, my close friends, have a lot of money and the family helps a lot during this tragedy. Both sets of grandparents I should say. I dont think Go Fund Me would be enough!
I hope it works for you. I am a dedicated realist. Most people live paycheck to paycheck and are more apt to make one small donation because that is all they can afford?
Also I believe words like cancer get more interest than any mental health problem.
Having said that, you can try. Nothing lost by trying. In the end your son will be writing his own story. You cant fix him. None of us csn fix another person. So think about what you need too. Including the means to care for yourself.
Love and light!
I dont know if strangers will be so interested in donating if it were ananymos. There are fake Go Fund Me Accounts.
You can try it but dont expect to be completely funded. Even this little four year old with cancer and a well known family cant cover everything. His grandparents, my close friends, have a lot of money and the family helps a lot during this tragedy. Both sets of grandparents I should say. I dont think Go Fund Me would be enough!
I hope it works for you. I am a dedicated realist. Most people live paycheck to paycheck and are more apt to make one small donation because that is all they can afford?
Also I believe words like cancer get more interest than any mental health problem.
Having said that, you can try. Nothing lost by trying. In the end your son will be writing his own story. You cant fix him. None of us csn fix another person. So think about what you need too. Including the means to care for yourself.
Love and light!
CareTooMuch
Active Member
Copa, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, it never ends.
Tired out
Well-Known Member
Start a thread to let us know what is going on with you and your son. I am sure we all want to listen and support you!
Maybe (fingers crossed) this is a step towards your son going to a therapist. At least he is realizing the city he is in isn't safe.
Hugs.
B.B.- I hope you come up with a way for your son to stay where he is for now.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Thanks tired. I just posted a new thread.
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Baggy Bags
Active Member
Got a call from the psychologist that is seeing my son in this center. She was wondering if we could talk about some of my "worries" and help me "trust" the staff more. So, of course, staff is already talking about the overbearing, over-controlling mother who demands to be notified before they give him any medications. I told her that I am not alone, that I am with hundreds of other mothers, experts and researchers all over the world. She was implying that understanding medication was beyond me and I should leave it to the professionals. I wanted to jump through the phone. I told her that in Latin America doctors want everyone to trust them blindly, ask no questions, don't get in the way... but that that wasn't going to work for me and that they were not going to mess with my kids brain in any way without my authorization.
She told me that L is under the impression that he can't come home. I told her to please clarify that with him. She told me to call him today, so I did.
He got on the phone and started (to my suprise) saying that he knows I love him and that he loves me. He confessed to all the drugs he used. He hadn't mentioned cocaine before. My 14yo son was snorting cocaine. I knew about LSD, DMT, MDMA, but he told me that it was more times than he had said previously. Then he went on to say that as much as he knows he messed up, that he cannot ever live with me again because it's unhealthy for both of us. It sounded like an adult was putting this in his head. I wrote to the psychologist to tell her about it. We've only spoken once, and she has seen my son once. She responded: remember that you know your son and that he might say things like that to hurt you. I was impressed. I'm still unconvinced that someone didn't put that in his head, but maybe not. Maybe he said all of that, even the I love you part, to set me up and then stab me with the "but I can't live with you again". Anyway, I'm glad she sees the possibility of that, but I told her all the same to remind the staff that he has nowhere else to go, so it is essential that they work with him on taking the steps needed to fix his relationship with us.
I'm worried that they are orchestrating this so that the outcome is L staying with them until he's 18, and getting lots of money from us. But maybe I'm just being paranoid.
She told me that L is under the impression that he can't come home. I told her to please clarify that with him. She told me to call him today, so I did.
He got on the phone and started (to my suprise) saying that he knows I love him and that he loves me. He confessed to all the drugs he used. He hadn't mentioned cocaine before. My 14yo son was snorting cocaine. I knew about LSD, DMT, MDMA, but he told me that it was more times than he had said previously. Then he went on to say that as much as he knows he messed up, that he cannot ever live with me again because it's unhealthy for both of us. It sounded like an adult was putting this in his head. I wrote to the psychologist to tell her about it. We've only spoken once, and she has seen my son once. She responded: remember that you know your son and that he might say things like that to hurt you. I was impressed. I'm still unconvinced that someone didn't put that in his head, but maybe not. Maybe he said all of that, even the I love you part, to set me up and then stab me with the "but I can't live with you again". Anyway, I'm glad she sees the possibility of that, but I told her all the same to remind the staff that he has nowhere else to go, so it is essential that they work with him on taking the steps needed to fix his relationship with us.
I'm worried that they are orchestrating this so that the outcome is L staying with them until he's 18, and getting lots of money from us. But maybe I'm just being paranoid.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Id be very suspicious. From what you told me, I don't trust them. I have been in.an exceptional psychiatric ward when I was 23 and none of what is happening there happened in my university hospital and nobody lived years in a paychiatric hospital.
I would be very cautious with my money, what I told them, or what YOU want to do after his stay.
Maybe it is just that American psychiatric wards are different. But that one your son is at gives me the the creeps. Do they do therapy with the patients? We did! Lots! It was not just about medication. I took medications....I wanted to and consented.....but we were busy in therapy, art, athletics, socializing all day. We were not allowed to lay in bed all day....that doesnt help mental illness.
And nobody told me where to go after I left. I actually ended up very educated in there and at the end I felt it had really been worthwhile, even fun. The staff from top to bottom was amazing. The doctor changed my life. He was very bright and kind and way ahead of his time.
I would be very cautious with my money, what I told them, or what YOU want to do after his stay.
Maybe it is just that American psychiatric wards are different. But that one your son is at gives me the the creeps. Do they do therapy with the patients? We did! Lots! It was not just about medication. I took medications....I wanted to and consented.....but we were busy in therapy, art, athletics, socializing all day. We were not allowed to lay in bed all day....that doesnt help mental illness.
And nobody told me where to go after I left. I actually ended up very educated in there and at the end I felt it had really been worthwhile, even fun. The staff from top to bottom was amazing. The doctor changed my life. He was very bright and kind and way ahead of his time.
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I'm traveling in my own level of hell. Will get back to you. I hope.
