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[InsaneCdn]

A LOT has changed, even in the last 5 years.

Sorry it's such an uphill battle. We've been there. Among other things - you need to start addressing safety for your two younger daughters - and the older one if she is still at home. If you aren't careful... they can pull the DAUGHTERS out of your home, and blame YOU - when the real problem is that you need help for you SON.

I would put safety at the absolute TOP of the list. And that likely means fighting for out-of-home placement for your son - ideally, immediately.

You will not know everything that is going on, while he is there. Trust me. Even though he isn't a bad kid, he's a kid with multiple severe challenges and not getting what he needs from the system... you still have to put your daughters first.

 

[Michele223]

Yeah. I keep expressing to all the counselors my concerns. Why do they just blow it off. He talks it in front of them. I won't let him alone with them.

 

[AppleCori]

Michelle,


What you have described here sounds like sexual abuse, of both yourself and your daughters. Does he ever touch your girls inappropriately?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Their focus is on HIM. Not on the rest of you. They will push their theories until it all falls apart, and then they walk away and blame you. (yes, I'm cynical... been through too much)

I don't know how things are where you live. Whether this is a good idea depends on where you live. But... here (I'm in Canada), I'd be calling social services, and asking for help getting him placed into residential care of some sort (even solo foster, or all-male foster), for the safety of you and your daughters, due to his hyper-sexuality. He has both mental health and developmental issues, and you will not be able to handle this on your own.

 

[AppleCori]

Michele,

Your son's doctors will almost certainly be looking at things from your son's point of view and best interests, not the best interests of the rest of the family.

Is there a father or other relative (with no minor children in the home) that can take your son temporarily?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Is there a father or other relative (with no minor children in the home) that can take your son temporarily?

But be warned that this arrangement may NOT be temporary. If YOU have another solution... the system will likely NOT step up and provide what he needs.

On the other hand... sometimes, being an "only" kid makes a big difference. But only if those involved have a really good idea of what they are dealing with and how to deal with it.

Some of his behavior will have been learned at school - a different form of bullying, where the bullies teach these kids to do this stuff that they don't dare do themselves - and then get their jollies from watching it happen and/or from watching someone else get in trouble for it. These challenged kids don't "get" that these kids are not their friends.

 

[Michele223]

Once when he was littler my daughter was 5 she said he touched her when she was going potty. I told mrdd and they reported it to children's services. It was checked out and it was dropped. My attorney had told me we could press charges on him to get him out of the house. That seems so nasty to me. I am trying everything to get him help.

 

[Michele223]

I just can't believe these counselors all put on these giant smiles and act like everything is awesome! Nobody listens to what is truly happening!

 

[InsaneCdn]

My attorney had told me we could press charges on him to get him out of the house. That seems so nasty to me. I am trying everything to get him help.

You're his mom. If you don't care about him, then nobody does. I get that.

But you are also mom to three daughters. And THEY matter just as much.

Do you have any disability advocates where you are?

 

[AppleCori]

Michelle,

I understand your decision.

He was 10.

But now he is 14 and getting bigger and stronger and more out of control.

Now is the time to decide what the next move will be.

I hope that more people will throw out some ideas on what that next step could be.

Have a talk with your daughters to find out what they may be witnessing/subjected to that you don't know about. None of us know everything that our children are doing. Even when we think we do.

Consider getting yourself and your daughters into counseling. You need an advocate for the rest of you.

I have to leave the computer for a while, but I will check back later.

Keep posting. Stay with us. We care.

Apple

 

[GoingNorth]

I would agree with the advice you've gotten from the other posters: your son should be placed in an environment where both he and minor children are safe from his hypersexuality.

Also, I do not think YOU should question your daughters about contact with your son. I think you should leave that to a counselor specializing in sexual abuse of children.

I am estranged from my sister because I could not substantiate the information she revealed to me re: her being sexually abused by my father.

I believe her, but I literally have no memory of anything happening, and I was never abused. My sister feels that, as her older sister, I should've protected her.

Best to have a counselor handle it. They will be experienced in the family dynamics end of things, and in handling the emotions that likely will come to the surface.

 

[BusynMember]

I agree with Apple. Also I wouldnt trust a student's evaluation. Has this child maybe been abused at one time? I think Going North has the best idea of how to approach abuse questions. Often our kids wont tell us, even if we're sure they will. Sometimes it is shame or to protect the perp or fear of the perp. My family has walked this scary turf. Please take your girls to a good psychologist (skip the plain therapist for this serious issue). Good luck.

 

[Michele223]

Earlier today I saw a link on a post here about cussing and how it is habit forming. Now I can't find it! Err. Anyone know where it is at? The Social worker came to the house. He didn't want to talk to her. Rude. On the way into the school for scheduling he kicked my butt grabbed my boob and called me cuss words. Them he came home and started cussing at my 9 year old. Then I sent him out with a friend to a game I know it is a reward but I needed the break and he was fine for them. Just picked him up and he is angry again and yelling.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Then I sent him out with a friend to a game I know it is a reward but I needed the break and he was fine for them. Just picked him up and he is angry again and yelling.

Just my experience here but...
There is more to this than him "being fine for them".
You sent an Aspie out into a social situation, when he was already stressed. Yes, he enjoys that particular activity, perhaps. But it takes a LOT of mental energy to hold it together. And then he comes home, stressed out and over-stimulated and... takes it out on you.

I get the tough divide between doing what they need and doing what we need - and I really do get the need for a break. But what you are seeing as a "reward" for him, may not be so much of a reward.

 

[Roxona]

Whew! This is so tough, and I feel bad for all involved! You need to take your son for a neuro psychiatric evaluation at a children psychiatric hospital immediately. He needs desperate help. You are not going to be able to fix this on your own, much less control it. This is so important for his future, and should not be neglected.

In the meantime, is there someone in your family who could take your 9 year old daughter to keep her safe?

 

[Michele223]

He is obsessed with basketball and it was the finals. He saw LeBron James. That is his favorite player. I am sure it was a reward. He had a great time. I don't get any help. My kids are always here with me. They have no relatives that take them. Before school he was talking about bush and hairy and pubic hair and penis and it being hard and pussy and hair. Tonight is another counselor. I said stop we don't talk like that in this house and I never heard these words before. Where did you hear them? He said my daughter which I know is a lie. He usually likes to talk to the counselors about all of us and how bad we are to take the focus off himself.

 

[Michele223]

I will try to get the neuro psychiatric evaluation. I don't know if I need a Dr. To refer it?

 

[InsaneCdn]

said stop we don't talk like that in this house and I never heard these words before. Where did you hear them?

What is his school situation like?
There is a VERY high probability he is learning this from fellow students. It can either be neurotypical boys (it's almost never girls) who get their jollies out of teaching challenged kids all this stuff, or it can be other challenged kids. It may be only at break times - but school is still responsible.

 

[BusynMember]

Actually, IC is spot on about the words. I worked at a preschool on the bus and we were not allowed to reign in horrible language. There were always, regardless of route, some kids for reasons unknown who would shout about sex and use loud cuss words in front of every child on a packed bus.

Obviously ALL the children heard the language and somehow knew it was naughty, so the horrific language spread to all. The kids giggled at it.

A few bus drivers tried to defy the ban on censoring bad language, but difficult kids do not respond to reprimands so it continied.

We suspected some kids saw too much and some were abused and their outlet was to spread their anger this way. Hearing sexuality from a three year old was not a reason we could report it to cps. We needed proof of abuse or nothing would change. Words were not proof.

THIS WAS PRESCHOOL. IT WAS SOMETHING ALL THE KIDS HEARD, NOT JUST THE ONES WITH CHALLENGES. in fact, being honest, the challenged, disturbed kids were most apt to talk this way.

Your kids WILL learn this at school, public or private. That's how they learn what we never say in our homes. Sad.

 

[Michele223]

He learned a lot at the last special needs school. He didn't even know what they meant. Like writing he was getting laid on the bus in a picture he took. He had no clue his youth pastor told him It waS bad.