Hi I'm new to all this....

[fedupinMn]

Thanks all for the help, timerlady we are in Isanti county...what is a SMRT'd? I'm sure things have been done that I am unawhare of...yesturday confirmed that...had no idea anyone reccommended a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement....I asked the SW yesturday if I had any way to appeal her bosses descision..she didn't know and said she'd get back to me...would LOVE to have any info you have...I feel we are getting lost in the system...

emilyislost..I do keep a journal..but social services says that what I say counts, just isn't enough? whatever that means...I started journaling AND taping his tantrums and such about 6 months ago....I tried to get the prosecutor and SW to listen to atleast PART of one of the tapes...they didn't have time...

DDD...I DO call the police...they don't do anything accept tell us they'll write it up and MONTHS later we get a court date...we just concluded the last court hearing several weeks ago..took from last summer and 4 court hearings to have them put him on probation, ect...he's supposed to have a couple days juvy and community service but that hasn't happened yet and since I have NO paperwork of court descision, police show up and just leave...

Our apt manager is about to evict us, we have a clause in our lease that ANY criminal activety( put there because of past issues with difficult child) and we are out, the manager is sick of the police being here...plus we have two lease violations for difficult child going on other tenants porches and stealing cig butts...

This is the 4th apt we have lived in in the past 3 1/2 years..we have been asked to leave because of difficult child criminal and violent behavior from last 3 places...all in writing...I have lost $1900.00 in security deposits due to his rage, drug use, and violent behavior...he destroyes his room and punches holes in walls...he burns stuff too..although not in the past 8 months, with the exception of cig buns in linolium...the new apt, moved in last August, already has much damage, especially to his room...police say they can't do anything since it's "our" apt, if it was someone elses that would be different...

difficult child tells me "see" they arn't going to do anything....well this is working wonderfully...

I have been taking deep breaths all morning...difficult child had another melt down this morning and was still swearing and screaming at me 50 feet out the door...

I just don't understand why noone is helping, unless it is a money issue...that's the only thing I can make seem rational in my mind...seems to me that everyone is just blowing off difficult child's behavior as not that bad...have actually heard that from someone...can't remember who?

 

[DDD]

I'm so sorry. It really does sound like you are getting the short end of the stick from all parts of the system! Hugs. DDD

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,
My heart goes out for you and also your boy. I think maybe you should write a letter to your son and in an empathetic , non-blaming way explain your perception of his situation and the prospects for the future. He needs help and needs positive people who will love him and care for him , but he needs to be part of the solution. The medication route is not an easy one , a bit of trial and error and of course there is cognitive therapy and emotional growth programs. Without his cooperation and help, you are unable to make a contribution to his future and at the same time you are compromising your physical and emotional health, totally stressed out and going under. The only option left is to let the system take full responsibility - CHINS petition. It is not the best option for you but better than what I can provide in the present circumstances. This is how I see it. Time is running out , we need together to find a doctor and work with him to find the right medication and optimal dosage and a young man or sw who is willing to guide you and ensure your successful transition to adulthood.
Do any of his siblings , have a connection with him , could they help in some way ?
Take care , I hope the knee mends soon

Allan

 

[fedupinMn]

Thanks for the hugs....sure need them right now...difficult child had meltdown this morning over bringing PJ's to school...difficult child decided to stay up last nite and watch tv instead of getting things ready for school which also led to his getting up late, and his being very grumpy.

I didn't realize how grumpy until his fist hit the wall 5 inches from my head....when I said no, you can't bring pj's to school...

Have tried all day to reach SW and PO....left 2 messages a piece...

I am at the end of my rope and truely feel like running away...although I won't...just feel like it....I was actually imagining getting in my car and just driving off...

I have geen using the "gift from God" here in refference to him, but feel like using the "spawn from hell". I know that he will swing at some point and things will be less intense, but when he is in these rage/blaming me moods it feels like each minute is an eternity....this past month I have cried a river for the both of us, feeling guilty for thinking horrible things about my son and for my difficult child for what he has to go through...

my head knows he has little or no control but my heart hurts when he says all that mean hateful stuff to me.

I get sooooo scared when he is violent...been having nitemares about huge men chasing me and wake up feeling scared!!!!

I am having a hard time detaching from his moods and feel I am being sucked into the whole crazyness of it all!!!!!

I just want one day of peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[timer lady]

fedup,

I see your county website offers very little information.

First question that comes to mind - does difficult child have an assigned mental health case manager. This is a very specific role in getting treatment options for your difficult child. Mental health case manager has resources that aren't given out to the general public.

SMRT = state medical review board. Our family attained a waiver of services to help my tweedles be in the community safely. To learn skills needed to cope along with their current day treatment placements for school.

I immediately thought of the Wilder Foundation, however they don't service clients outside of the Ramsey County area.

Have you considered UM Children's Behaviorial Health Unit?

If I can think of anything else I'll let you know.

 

[fedupinMn]

Allen, yes I know..I do feel like I'm "going under". Thank you..I will try the letter....hope he is willing to read it, in times past he just ripped them up...sigh

cooperation is the key here, you are so right...difficult child has failed to cooperate to date with reccomendations...including running from rehab...non medication comlient ect...

what's a CHINS pettition? I have set up a phsyciatric evaluation but the earliest they could get him in is may 23....also another rule 25 assement, court ordered, on the 20th of this month. I wasn't going to make the appointment for him because his mental health SW told me to hold him accountalbe, but then when he refused to make the appointment told me to do it...I told her I was confused and felt I was getting mixed messages...she agreed but said she felt the CD assement was the only way to help me...huh? I thought the idea was to help my difficult child?

I just hope we can hold on until May 23rd...or later, as the last evaluation, psychologist, took close to 3 months for the final document to be finished!!!!I also hope that this doctor is good....as I've read here some of you have run into some not so good ones...but this is the only child pshiciatrist we have...

Yes timerlady difficult child does have a mental health worker...that is the SW I have been reffering to...found out today that to appeal the desicion about no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ect I have to write a letter to the woman who denied him....not sure how objective that is?! which is MHSW's supervisor....

I will call the UM and see if they take parent refferals and MA for ins.

Thanks for the links...am on my way to check them out now...difficult child is in school right now so I should have some time, weather permiting....roads are horrible so they might have early release? I DREAD summer vacation!!!

I think difficult child was "on" something when he came home from school yesturday...was acting VERY strange, eyes didn't look right and he slept most of the afternoon and evening...I asked him but difficult child denied any substance abuse....I am concerned difficult child is using something that won't show up on drug screening...he's smart and the peers are teaching him. This is at school..have called principle, police liason, ect but this town has a no not our children group think....the drugs are coming from school and being taken at school....scary huh? Middle school.....very scary!!!

Soooo many parents I've had the pleasure of having to talk to concerning difficult child's behavior have been unsupportive..one even told me I couldn't send the police to her house to find him...got mad at me when I did...I told her, you don't want the police at your house, don't have my son there...haven't had a complaint from her since....it's hard when the parents in your own community don't even back you up, or bother to call even if they know your son is a run away....

I finally got a ride, so am going to my own doctor on friday to have my knee exrayed....hope I don't have to go back into surgery...that will make me even less effective in dealing with all this...will be out of commission for 6-8 weeks...blahhhh doctor says NO driving until seen....

thank you all sooooo much...am off to investigate the links....

from the depths of my heart, thank you all!!!!!

 

[fedupinMn]

Ahhhh..am going to call the Ombudsman...THANKS..

 

[fedupinMn]

I spoke with one of the ombudsman and she agreed to make some calls.....we will see if that helps get things moving.

One thing she said to do was to ask to go on a cancelation list for the psyciatrist...didn't know I could do that....

I have gone through some of the links you gave me timer lady...thank you sooo very much...VERY help full!!! I also bookmarked them so I can access them to reference things that apply.....

Had a meeting with PO yesturday..he came to our house... although not much he can do, he did clarify what his role in all this is...more things I didn't know, so that helped alot...
Am waiting to hear from SW on my letter to reconsider the decision to NOT place difficult child in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)....

difficult child's intensity is starting to swing, so he is a little more manageable...this usually doesn't last too long, but I will take ANY period of semi calm....

Thank you all for your hugs, prayers, and info....it's helping me learn and cope better!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm soooo glad I found you all!!!!!!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ediwiz]

fedupinMN,

I also live in MN. Here is a link that may be helpful.
http://www.woodlandhills.org/ I've only heard of them, I don't have any first hand knowledge.

Typically it would have to be court ordered. I found that I had to not only be a PITA to the Social Workers, I also had to do much of the leg work myself. I did all the research and presented my SW with 2 options, which I told her there was actually only one that I was interested in. I also demanded that the police arrest my difficult child on 5th Degree assault charges which got the ball rolling for me. I was told by and advocate to do this, it was hard, but the best thing for our family and difficult child. I actually demanded that my difficult child be sent to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I was lucky, I had a really good judge that agreed.

The good thing about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that I put difficult child into was that they automatically required that she be put through a thorough assessment. They took 45 days just for that. She was observed by both staff and given extensive testing by a U of Mn psychiatrist.


Sherry