How am I supposed to do this???

[Hopeful97]

Leafy, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how you feel it is better for me too to not see my Difficult Child than it is to see him.

 

[New Leaf]

Leafy, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how you feel it is better for me too to not see my Difficult Child than it is to see him.

Oh my goodness Hopeful, you are going through so much right now.
I am so sorry for your hardship and hurting Mama heart.
I keep waiting to hear those words, "Can you help me find a rehab?"
I will not do anything, until those words come.
That is my mantra.
Our d cs will not get better in our homes. I know it is so very hard for you right now. But it is true, they will not get better with us.
We simply do not have the tools to help them.
They want to stay in our homes, and continue their lifestyle.
This, is unacceptable.
The fact that they show up, and try to get to our hearts, is unacceptable.
It is cruel.
Stay the course Hopeful.
You and I must stay the course.
We can do this.
We have great love for our d cs, by doing this.
In their minds, now, they do not understand this.
But we do.
We got this Hopeful one day, one moment at a time, we got this.
Give this, and your son, to God.
Wishing you and I and everyone faced with this, peace.
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

I will never forget what my daughter told me after she quit drugs and told us the shocking extent of her stint with almost every drug out there at the time.

"NEVER TRUST A DRUG ADDICT. THEY LIE."

You are right SWOT, I have not seen my real two, in quite some time.
It is hard to see what I see, and hold on to the hope and love. But I will hold on to it, and try my best to hold on to my self, my emotions.
I have said it before and I will again, this has got to be one of the hardest things known to man.

Thank you SWOT,
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

Yes, it was FAR easier for me not to see my daughter. My heart would drop whenever she would call and I found it easier for ME to stay far away. I couldn't bear it. I tried too hard to try to save my daughter to no avail. Nothing, not one thing I said or did made any difference.

It is very frustrating. I do not speak of rehab, or shelters anymore. No sense. It is too hard, seeing her in this shape. The lows are incredible, not mine, hers. I do realize it is because she is not high. High. Huh. It is just functioning, I think, the high. If you could even call what she is doing as functioning.
My hubs wants her to shower here, eat here. It is torturing him, her being homeless.
I know it is her choice. She is not ready to quit.
I think the more frequently she comes, it is to the point of enabling, he disagrees.
SIGH.
Hopefully, one day, we will be on the same page.

No, I couldn't believe a word out of my daughter's mouth. Meth made her ULTRA paranoid, delusional and a liar. Oh but she was good, though. She made ME believe that people were out to kill her. I actually went to the FBI office crying and pleading for help. Only now that she has been clean over a year does she realize how truly crazy she was...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..

Thank you PG, I will keep this in mind. I do realize she is involved with a very degraded crowd of people. I am angry that she continues to come around and take advantage of her fathers love and kindness. Even in his illness.

One day at a time, one step.....
I am encouraged by your daughters progress.
Thank you for your continued posting, and helping me, and others.
It truly makes a difference.

Mahalo nui loa
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Tanya M]

Hi New Leaf,

I am just now getting caught up on this. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I think you are doing remarkably well in dealing with it. You are doing the best you can with a very difficult situation.

Loving our children should be so easy, we should feel joy at the thought of them but when they choose to live a lifestyle that keeps them in the muck and mire that joy escapes us.

As long as they are using we cannot and should not trust anything they tell us.

I too prefer not seeing my son. I used to think I was a horrible person for feeling this way but I slowly came to realize it's more about protecting myself and my emotional well being. I matter, you matter, all of us warrior parents matter. It's okay to want to have a life free of the drama and chaos our difficult adult children surround themselves with.

I hope you are doing better today. I'm glad your hubby is home and on the mend.

((HUGS)) to you sweet lady......................

 

[New Leaf]

Loving our children should be so easy, we should feel joy at the thought of them but when they choose to live a lifestyle that keeps them in the muck and mire that joy escapes us.

So very true Tanya, thank you for your thoughts. The joy does get buried in the muck, doesn't it? I am trying to find the joy, and I believe I have, focusing on my three that are doing well. That is what I need to focus on, and be grateful for what I do have.
God is good.

I too prefer not seeing my son. I used to think I was a horrible person for feeling this way but I slowly came to realize it's more about protecting myself and my emotional well being. I matter, you matter, all of us warrior parents matter. It's okay to want to have a life free of the drama and chaos our difficult adult children surround themselves with.

Yes, we certainly do matter. Thank you Tanya, for sharing your heart with such honesty. Drama and chaos is right. I do not need it. I do not even watch those kinds of movies, seldom watch the news.
Maybe that's why I thought for so long I could fix this, I watch too much HGTV.
SIGH.
I feel better today, and hope I am learning more each time, how to cope, and live my life.
Thank you so much for posting Tanya, it is very heart warming to know others thoughts, feelings and experiences.

I am truly grateful for the time you spent, to comfort me.

Mahalo,
Mahalo,
(((HUGS)))
leafy