How do you do it?

[PatriotsGirl]

I also recommend reading "Beautiful Boy" and "Tweak". Beautiful Boy was written by a father of a meth addict and Tweal was written by his son. Also, "Codependant No More" is a very good one. If your husband is uncomfortable with Alanon, but will read, perhaps that is a good option.

There are also blogs - a lot of blogs - written by parents of drug addicts. I had one but just don't have the time to devote to it. But once in a while, I do go and read others'. It definitely helps to not feel so alone.

Denial? Yes, I know it well. VERY well. I now realize I was pretty much in denial a lot of difficult child's life. But I do remember when I first found out her problem. My heart goes out to you.

 

[NervousNelly]

i'm currently reading "Enabler". I have "At Wits End" that is next on my list. I'll look into your suggestions as well. Yes, reading could be good for husband to try to understand. Good suggestion

Just talked to difficult child a little bit ago. She's been gone from home for a week now "staying with friends". I asked her if she had used and if so how much and she said "10 maybe 15 times" in the past week. She always uses more when she sees her loser ex-boyfriend which she did. God help her.

Thanks.

NN

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Not that I would know.....but 10 - 15 times in a week seems like a lot.......

 

[Nomad]

I'm so sorry.
You might check with others at Al Anon or Families Anonymous to see if there are Halfway Houses or Sober Houses in your neighborhood that would allow your daughter to stay with them.
Your daughter likely has friends of some kind where she can stay if absolutely necessary.
I would try to get her into treatment...see if there are any in your area that take medicare/medicaid only.
I would likely not allow her to stay in the home....but agree, it is a very hard decision.
However, by not letting her stay at your home you are modeling with it means to set boundaries. In other words, you are showing her that you will not tolerate inappropriate behaviors and that there are consequences to inappropriate behaviors. Lessons she NEEDS to LEARN.
Keep checking around for medical services, including addiction treatment and I would always make it clear to her that you would like to see her get treatment and will do your best to help out with this and all her medical needs
Additionally, let her know both with your words and actions that you expect her to try her best in life even with having the obstacle of bipolar illness

 

[BusynMember]

My daughter could stare me in the eyes and cry and swear she wasn't using when she was. I'll share what my daughter told me and you can take what you like from it: "If you use, you sell." She is ademant about it. Your daughter may also be using other drugs too...my daughter tried it all, including heroin once (I thought that if you tried it one time, you were hooked. Apparently not, as that is the only time she did it). Also, if you use you steal. You have no job, but you have to pay somebody very nasty or you could get killed. My daughter told me that many times she feared for her life. In the end, the best thing she did for herself was to move in with her brother who was both straight and in another state. Her drug friends tormented her mercilessly every single time she tried to quit. Misery loves or insists on company, so to speak. So getting away from her (cough) friends, with no forwarding address, REALLY helped her.

My daughter is very pretty, but she still has bad skin from the meth use. Nothing helps. She has tried everything. I am grateful she decided to quit because nothing WE did made her quit...she had to want to do it. Now she doesn't even smoke ccigarettes and is into herbal remedies (doesn't like to take an Ibuprofen). I do think the tough route is t he only way to go.

Keep us posted!

 

[Bean]

PatriotsGirl, thanks for sharing that. I needed to read it. We won't allow our daughter to live with us in her current state. She can only be at our house when we are here. I'll tell you, upholding this rule BITES. It is HARD. It doesn't feel NORMAL or LOVING or how I felt FAMILY would be at all. None of this was in the visions for what I wanted a family to look like. Drugs and addiction change all that.

As much as I'd love to have here here, see her, be around her, have her... she isn't HER right now. So it would just be a false comfort. She needs to live and see the ramifications of her behavior. It is scary. It is sad. But I also have other kids here to raise, too, and I can't have her here and try to raise solid kids.

Some days I'm OK, and some days I'm in mourning. But, everyone is much better and functioning with our difficult child out on her own. We were crippled with her here.