How to know? disengage or help?

[BusynMember]

And you're so right, I am Ms. Fixit too. Have a problem? There's a solution! I don't have one to this and that's what is so difficult for me.

The reason you can't fix this is because it is out of your power. HE has to fix himself. That goes for anybody who is living a dysfunctional life. You can take care of one person and control that person...that person is YOU. Your son can control one person...that person is HIM...unless you get into his games and hand out free money and pay for his cell, his internet, his rent...when he is at an age he should be doing this himself. Often Difficult Child do not contact us unless they want something.

How often do they call to ask, "How are YOU doing, Mom? You feeling good? Your job ok? Dad ok? Hey, can I come by and mow the lawn or do anything for you?"

It's time to take care of you because by trying to care of a grown man, you make him into a child. Not good for you or for him.

Hugs and please take good care of YOU. THAT you have cotrol over. Maybe don't talk to your son that often. Many of us limit contact as half of it is just bs and the rest is abuse about how everything is our fault...in an attempt to gain guilty favors from us. It's not fair and you shouldn't want to go there anymore. You deserve better.

 

[JulieAnn]

The reason you can't fix this is because it is out of your power. HE has to fix himself. That goes for anybody who is living a dysfunctional life. You can take care of one person and control that person...that person is YOU. Your son can control one person...that person is HIM...unless you get into his games and hand out free money and pay for his cell, his internet, his rent...when he is at an age he should be doing this himself. Often Difficult Child do not contact us unless they want something.

How often do they call to ask, "How are YOU doing, Mom? You feeling good? Your job ok? Dad ok? Hey, can I come by and mow the lawn or do anything for you?"

It's time to take care of you because by trying to care of a grown man, you make him into a child. Not good for you or for him.

Hugs and please take good care of YOU. THAT you have cotrol over. Maybe don't talk to your son that often. Many of us limit contact as half of it is just bs and the rest is abuse about how everything is our fault...in an attempt to gain guilty favors from us. It's not fair and you shouldn't want to go there anymore. You deserve better.

Thank you Somewhere. Yep, you've heard that too. How are you MOM? Haha, yeah, yeah....I don't believe any of it.

My "plan" is to not answer the phone for a while. That's my intention anyway. My Father is 90 and was ill a couple months ago. He offered to go stay with him. Uh....Nope, don't think so....

I know I need to get into some sort of group. I'm afraid I'll go back to "But are you SURE you're doing the right thing - maybe you're SUPPOSED to make sure he's ok". Don't want to go there anymore. This has to be right.

I hope you're well too. This is a wonderful, WONderful forum.

 

[Tanya M]

"But are you SURE you're doing the right thing - maybe you're SUPPOSED to make sure he's ok". Don't want to go there anymore. This has to be right.

Yes, Yes, Yes, this is right. You are supposed to take care of YOU!!!

You said your dad is 90. Do you expect your dad to take care of you? I'm sure the answer is no. None of us are going to be around forever. You don't want to be in your 80's enabling your son. What happens when you are no longer here? He will have to start taking care of himself. Much better that he start doing that now.

You are on your way JulieAnn. You will get through this.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I now wish I had begun this journey long ago instead of trying to play Mommy Fix It. Maybe he'd have 'gotten' it by now.

Or not. Or be worse. We don't know why the journey takes the path it does. Maybe the timing wasn't right for either of you before now.