rejectedmom
New Member
husband has slipped back into his addiction and now wants a divorce after 42 years of marriage. I guess that since he no longer needs me to oversee his father's alshiemer's care (he died in july) he no longer has a use for me. He was lamenting the other day that I no longer had a bikini body and an athletic personality. He says he wants to be free to actively pursue other women. It makes no sence since he was chasing bimbos and using call girls off and on for the last 15 years anyway. He obviously doesn't want a real relationship. I guess he just doesn't want to have to answer to me for his actions. I have spent a fortune on him emotionally and we have spent a fortune on therapy for him. He only goes through the motions. Does not follow through and is in total denial. He came close to ruining us financially, used up my inheritance and my son's college fund on his addiction, and we were forced to sell our home eight years ago because of his and difficult child's antics. We recovered ffinancially for the most part and I was looking foward to nice retirment years living comfortably with a few trips here and there.
Sigh.
It will be complicated trying to sort out the financials on this. We own two real estate properties, have mutual bank accounts and investments, Share a retirement account and SS etc. He will likely have to support me via his retirment plans and SS and I will try to have it ordered that he pay alimony and provide medical insurance till medicare and retirement kicks in. I have too many health issues ( diabetes, asthma, osteopotosis, thyroiditis, arthritis, heart disease) to qualify for affordable indivitual medical insurance and all my issues will be considered pre-existing for the maximum time allowed bu law. I am trying to find out if I can continue to be carried on his policy from work.
I am ambivilent at this point about the marriage and divorce itself. The kids are grown, I have no desire to meet anyone else and start anew. A divorce will mean a much more frugal life for both of us but I'm not going to fight it. I will hire a lawyer and get whatever I'm entitled to and I won't lift a finger to sell or clean out either of the two houses beyond what I want to take with me. I did all the organizing packing and unpacking every single time we moved ( 7 times) without his help... he can do it by himself this time. He has killed whatever love I had left for him with this latest so staying would only be for financial reasons at this point. So glad I kept some of the evidence of his past cheating. I don't want to use it but will if I have to.
My biggest fear is that he will loose his job or just stop working after the divorce and then not have the support money no matter what the court orders. I'm looking for things I can do that are not physical in nature to support myself. husband never wanted me to have a career and he sabatoged every attemp I ever made at it. I finally went to college with money I earned on e-bay and graduated in 1994 but got cancer in 1995 followed by several opperations and CFS and other health problems which kept me out of the workforce for a few years. By the time I went back I was too old to be taken seriously by any employers and could only get substitute teaching jobs now at age 62...well I can't even get them. I am old enough for SS in a few years. I'm now 62 can collect at 64 with full benefits at 66. Would have been a bit more kind if he had waited till then. -RM
Sigh.
It will be complicated trying to sort out the financials on this. We own two real estate properties, have mutual bank accounts and investments, Share a retirement account and SS etc. He will likely have to support me via his retirment plans and SS and I will try to have it ordered that he pay alimony and provide medical insurance till medicare and retirement kicks in. I have too many health issues ( diabetes, asthma, osteopotosis, thyroiditis, arthritis, heart disease) to qualify for affordable indivitual medical insurance and all my issues will be considered pre-existing for the maximum time allowed bu law. I am trying to find out if I can continue to be carried on his policy from work.
I am ambivilent at this point about the marriage and divorce itself. The kids are grown, I have no desire to meet anyone else and start anew. A divorce will mean a much more frugal life for both of us but I'm not going to fight it. I will hire a lawyer and get whatever I'm entitled to and I won't lift a finger to sell or clean out either of the two houses beyond what I want to take with me. I did all the organizing packing and unpacking every single time we moved ( 7 times) without his help... he can do it by himself this time. He has killed whatever love I had left for him with this latest so staying would only be for financial reasons at this point. So glad I kept some of the evidence of his past cheating. I don't want to use it but will if I have to.
My biggest fear is that he will loose his job or just stop working after the divorce and then not have the support money no matter what the court orders. I'm looking for things I can do that are not physical in nature to support myself. husband never wanted me to have a career and he sabatoged every attemp I ever made at it. I finally went to college with money I earned on e-bay and graduated in 1994 but got cancer in 1995 followed by several opperations and CFS and other health problems which kept me out of the workforce for a few years. By the time I went back I was too old to be taken seriously by any employers and could only get substitute teaching jobs now at age 62...well I can't even get them. I am old enough for SS in a few years. I'm now 62 can collect at 64 with full benefits at 66. Would have been a bit more kind if he had waited till then. -RM
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