I’m Shaking

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Jun 23, 2019.

  1. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Leafy, Just reading through your posts and the subsequent ones. So sorry for what you're going through. Very complex and scary situation. Saying a prayer for you. You need wisdom right now.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi all thank you so much for your kindness and concern, your love shines through your response.
    I agree Copa. Hopefully the kids will understand the adjustments that are necessary and be able to cope once the dust has settled and reality sets in.

    I will be busy getting the necessary requirements in order to become fully licensed, the rest is really up to the family and their ability to understand what happened and make changes. I am recalling when CPS was involved when they were so young and hubs and I were given temporary custody. We had to attend counseling sessions with all parties as well as provide for the kids needs on our own. It was difficult and pretty much blew our savings. At least this time I will have help. I am hoping that their parents and the other grandparents will understand that the kids being in limbo as far as legal custody was not a good thing for anybody, most of all the kids. Now they can get the medical and emotional support they need.

    He was released the next day, much to his disappointment as he was enjoying the extra attention and liked the hospital food!? I think part of that is being in a calmer environment. My granddaughter helped me make dinner last night and I asked her if she ever cooked before and she said “No Tutu, that house was too crowded.” That seems to be the standard answer with the kids. That is stressful enough, plus the uncertainty of how you will be treated must be nerve wracking.

    He will have to be quiet for another month, which coincides with his ankle healing. We try to console him with the fact that if there were a time for this to happen, it is now when he is laid up already. Sister said “Tutu, good thing we were with you, they wouldn’t have taken him to the hospital.”:(
    Hoku called me as I was out shopping to exclaim that this young girl of her own accord swept and mopped the kitchen and cleaned the bathrooms. She is such a sweetheart.

    I am happy for him too. He has handled all of this like a champ, big adjustment, focus switched back to rescue mode and kids in the house. When I apologized to him he said “Mom this is for the kids, at least their parents won’t be here.” He has insisted to give up his larger room for the two boys and take the smaller because it “makes sense”.
    I am glad he has an opportunity to test the college waters before the real deal. The students will have access and help from counselors and others who have come out of this program. And yes, I will miss him. But, it is time for him to test his wings. He gets a bit moody now, I can see the stirring in him, wanting to get out on his own.
    Me too Copa, me too. They have had many challenges in their lives. I have a friend who went through similar circumstances and she is battling alcoholism. She said that it is almost impossible for her to relax after growing up with high stress, drama and chaos. I hope that through counseling the kids are able to let out the feelings they have stuffed down inside. I have told them everything that is going on, feeling that they have a right to know that they are under the States supervision and I am considered a temporary foster parent until I jump through the hoops and hopefully get the full license. This is a big adjustment for all of us and I explained to them that their well being would be monitored, so this is a time to work really hard at healing and living peaceably together. Can’t count on perfection, there will be moments and mistakes but we have to discuss and communicate.
    I would imagine that is a far cry from how things have been for them and it might get irritating after a time to have such a different atmosphere and expectations. It will take some time to see how they fare. We are in the shell shocked stage right now. So far, they have calmed down a lot and the squabbling has minimized. Thank goodness! I am going to be Red Fox clutching my heart when they fight and exclaim “Hubs, hubs do you hear that? I am coming!” Just kidding. I have expressed to them that I am a peace loving person and their yelling at each other is unacceptable. That it is bad for my health and theirs.

    Oh thank you so much Albie. That means a lot to me!
    Right? The social worker is on to him. They have not been very open to my participation in the kids lives. We have had a very strained relationship as far as everything goes. He thinks he can loom and yell and control outcome. That’s pretty much what got the ball rolling. I hope he knows this.
    I wish you all could too! I have much support from Hoku, who is moving out but will be nearby.

    Thank you 200. I shall need all of the luck and blessings available!

    Definitely Beta. It is said that God doesn’t give you anything more than you can handle. I keep looking up and saying “I am not that strong, please help me!”
    It is complex and scary and I cannot imagine how it must have been for these kids. I am hoping that the CWS involvement will curb any retaliation on the other end.They have a lot at stake with the other grandkids that are living over there. Their saving grace is that their parents are there too. As my grandkids have said “We are their slaves because we don’t have parents to protect us.” I had my granddaughter last winter break and asked her if she was okay and happy. I think she was too afraid to open up. :( Now all sorts of stuff is spilling out and it breaks my heart. It will take a lot of work towards healing. That’s for sure.
    Thank you all so much for your support. I will check in as I am able, I will be so busy with the kids and such.
    All my love and hugs.
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  3. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    God sometimes does allow more than we can handle, but only to show us that He is strong enough to be our anchor and refuge. Still learning that myself, as you can tell from my posts about our son, Josh. Here's a great verse that helps me: 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
    I grew up in a dysfunctional home that finally fell apart. My grandparents were a lifeline for me. I'm so glad you are present and willing to do what you are able to for these grandkids. I'll be looking for your updates.
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks for the update Leafy. My, you do not have a full plate, you have smorgasbord!!

    Your grands will benefit from their time with you and are blessed to have you.

    Sending you love, positive vibes, prayers and well wishes as you traverse this new terrain.

    In all of this, please make sure you are practicing self care.
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  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Happy to hear that a good plan is in place. So happy your son is on board yet moving on with his own adulthood experience.

    They are so very lucky to have such a loving and wise woman in their lives!!
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  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Wow! It's rare that we get such a positive outcome so quickly on here. I'm glad this all worked out and the grandkids are safe with you. I know it will be tough sometimes, but it will also be so rewarding. You are truly making life better for these kids. Sending positive energy to all of you.
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you Tanya, we need all those prayers and good vibes for sure.
    Thank you Beta. I am glad I am able to help. Just praying for a peaceful solution for all.

    I am happy for my son. He has been such a help through this whole process, but needs to make his own way.

    It really is a miracle, Eliza, how everything unfolded. Now I wait for word from the caseworker.
    I will call my friend who has fostered kids and try to get a feel for the system. I am anxious to get the kids enrolled in school. Especially since they need to choose electives. One day at a time.
    Thank you all
  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    New Leaf, didn't I read that there were 18 people in the other grandparents place? I don't think case workers would return a child to a home like that...unless it was huge and the children had appropriate space. I am doubting that is the case.

    Apply for any and all benefits that the children qualify for. I am sorry about the events that led to this, but glad you are able to help them.

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  9. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    I am glad things are working out and pray for future happinness for you and the kids.
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am remembering I was a foster mother to my son before the adoption was finalized. It was a nothing-burger to apply and to qualify. Please have no worries about this. Child Protective Services is on your side in the sense that they share your same aim. They want a safe place with family for the kids to be, while this process works through.

    The thing that keeps sticking in my head is what granddaughter said: How they were treated badly without respite because they did not have parents there to protect them. I don't have time to find that quote, but it horrifies me the predator/prey element *as well as the neglect. She felt like prey. And she had nobody there to protect her. And she saw her brothers targeted the same way, and she knew the how and why it was happening. That she was considered easy pickings for anybody that wanted to take a swipe at her (whether physical or verbal) because nobody would step in to protect her, or cared to.

    I think this needs to be told to the child welfare investigators. *I would use that quote and any others. The fact that the children not only were physically injured but that they had the psychological sense that they were. These are two different things. This is another distinct and insidious form of abuse. Worse. Because it affects ones sense of life and the world for a lifetime, if it persists, and is not addressed. I would fight for her with my claws and feet and teeth. And I know you will. Thank you New Leaf.
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2019
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi ladies
    According to the kids, yes 18 other people. Grandmother denied it. The kids had no reason to lie and counted out Aunties, Uncles and cousins a few times to me. I was shocked. The house is not huge. The work at hand for me is to make sure the kids are allowed to stay here. The timing is right as Hoku is moving out which provides more space. There will be a lot of shifting furniture and stuff but it will be a good opportunity to deep clean the house.
    The kids mentioned to me that their favorite aunty wanted them to move in with her, because she knew what was going on. Even Tornado complained a few times that her kids were treated differently than the others. But, she and her boyfriend left them there. Drugs mattered more. Add that into the picture and it is an awful mix for a kid to deal with.
    I took my granddaughter shopping and was pleasantly surprised by her quirkiness. She was quiet and reserved over the winter break. Yesterday she let her personality come out a bit and girl is funny! I hope that the kids can begin to relax and be kids for once. We face some challenges, but with Gods help will get through.
    Thanks sisters
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  12. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    New Leaf, what a whirlwind! One day at a time... glad the kids are OK, but poor things have so much to work through. Very insightful of you to recognize that they have bonds with people at the old home, and that compounds the issue of them not being there (even though it sounds like they are safer now).

    It's so unfortunate having to get protective services involved, but sometimes there's just no other choice. It's scary, though - at least for me - they don't have the best reputation where I live, resources are thin.

    I hope you can find a bit of peace in the day.
  13. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi CP,
    Resources are thin here as well. It is scary, but in this case so far, it has been a help to shine light on the issue that my grands have been abandoned by their parents. Only God knows what comes down the road.