I feel like I am going to lose control

[amelia d]

Kitten..I'm glad you've had the chance to take a breath . It can be soooo overwhelming. I hope the psychiatrist will help clarify some of her issues..you at least have the advantage of her being under 18 which gives you decision making power and access to some information(some therapists don't like to discuss everything in an effort to build trust with-the patient) . It may not sound like much, but you need to get a handle on this before she turns 18 and can legally opt-out of treatment. Make sure the doctor has an accurate picture of what's going on...teens are not very forthcoming if they believe it may result in more restrictions. Provide details about the "self harm", angry outbursts, suspected drug use and school issues. These really need to be addressed immediately. If this doctor does not "click" with you and your husbands philosophy (some don't believe in medication, some dislike testing etc..whatever the reason)..don't hesitate to look for someone new. Good luck.

Keep the faith!

 

[amelia d]

Hi Kitten....just checking to see how things are going for you...I hope better.

 

[Kitten1999]

Well about the same really just some days I am able to cope better than others. We had her first day at a new psychiatric last Wednesday which I think went ok. We are going back next Wednesday so hoping this will help. The last few days she has been talking about school and her future a little more so I'm trying to be positive but still have moody outbursts everyday. I'm just trying to do my best to support her and lead by example and keep up the psychiatric appointments and hope and pray things will get better.
I just want to say thanks for checking in on how things are it feels great to have so much support. It is what is helping me hold it together at the moment


Kitten 1999

 

[amelia d]

HI Kitten,

Well, if she is agreeing to go back to the psychiatric without a fight, that's at least a little promising. Teenage girls are so fragile and dramatic, that you never know what is going on in their heads. See what this doctor can offer, as far as insight to the underlying issues, and then try to move forward from there. In-patient should still be a consideration. It would be great if you can get her to participate in ANYTHING..sports, music, art classes, volunteer work..that would help widen her circle of friends and build her confidence. I really am hoping for the best for you and your family..sending you hugs and prayers for peace.

 

[Kitten1999]

Thanks Amelia d we seen to take one step forward and two steps back, I am waiting for the two steps back as things are looking more positive. I'm trying not to be negative but have been fouled to many times, so thinking just need to take baby steps and focus on today.

She plays in a mixed boys and girls basketball team which are all great kids and her best friend since they were 3 plays in, she really looks out for her and she also plays in an open women's baseball team and her father is her coach. She is also very artistic love drawing, painting and playing guitar and piano. I was thinking it might be good to get her in involved in a band as she really loves her music, it is what she turns to in her angry and saddest moments. We have also been trying to go to the gym a couple of times a week together as exercise is good for depression and we could stand to lose some weight anyway.


Kitten 1999

 

[amelia d]

Sounds positive..try kickboxing..it's a great workout and a great way to let out aggression..it may help her feel more in control. Baby steps still get you where you need to go..just takes a litlle longer

 

[Kitten1999]

Sometime I just want to scream she makes so frustrated and angry and I always get phone calls at work in front of my collages from her teacher about not going to school. I struggle not to cry or punch things. Just when I think things are improving, she very good at fooling me why am I so gullible.


Kitten 1999

 

[alongfortheride]

Oh my, I feel your pain. As soon as we feel like things are looking up, we are always tripped. I can't tell you how many times I have been in your position today. I think I could deal better with the things always being bad better than the roller coaster ride that is their life. Take care of yourself, it's the only thing to do.

 

[TerryJ2]

Kitten, just checking in and lending support. Deep breath.

 

[Kitten1999]

Thanks Terry all I ever seem to do is take deep breaths but I'm getting better at it. She has an interview for a part time job tomorrow. I hope it works out so she can see what happens in the real world and she might feel more worthwhile so fingers crossed


Kitten 1999

 

[TerryJ2]

Absolutely! Fingers crossed, arms crossed, legs crossed. Good luck!

 

[amelia d]

Hi Kitten,
We're all keeping our fingers crossed for you! I would use the job as bartering for her other behavior. It is great that she can get a job and flex her independence, but I would remind her that her job is directly related to her attending school, no drug use and treating her family with respect. You need to keep a hard line on the job (how many hours, what days and hours she can work). I know--I sound like a wet blanket--but remember, the underlying issues haven't changed and her earning her own money gives her more opportunity to buy things (like drugs) without you knowing. More freedom is probably not the priority for her right now. Just my opinion..

 

[Kitten1999]

I get what you saying but it's a bit of a catch 22 she could learn respect routine commitment from a part time job but yes I do see that she will have more money but she wants to buy a car so was thinking to set up a savings account and organise a portion of her wage to go in as this is something to focus on instead of just spending her money. She has also been home a lot lately and don't think she is on drugs as no real change in her day to day mood. I'm trying to focus on the positive instead of worrying what might happen but I do understand your concerns


Kitten 1999

 

[amelia d]

Kitten..I know where you are coming from..been there myself. That's why I'm cautioning you on being too optimistic about her getting a part time job. You are right that she may learn commitment and responsibility from this; hopefully, she will. But teenagers are pretty myopic about why they do what they do. Please keep your eyes focused ahead. From the behavior you have described, even the idea of a driver's license would scare me. It's not a right; it needs to be earned. I know saving for a car is way down the road, but now is when you have the opportunity to teach her about the consequences of her choices. Please don't take this as criticism. My own daughter is now 18, and problems that started at 15 and 16 were not handled well; and now we have very little influence over her. Given the opportunity, I would have been less accommodating to her (trying to be the understanding and reasonable parent..yeah, that didn't work), and more restrictive of her freedom. Be careful and be mindful that you are approving future patterns with every "yes" you give. This same child that can't remember to empty the dishwasher will be the first to remind you that "you promised...!" Good luck and keep at it.