I had to say it...

[Lil]

"If he'd tried"... If I had a dollar for every time I heard that - about myself, or about my kids - I would be rich. That's what it LOOKS like... as though they are not trying. In reality? You don't know what all was holding him back. I found out stuff - simple SIMPLE stuff that should have been caught at grade 3, and we didn't know until high school - that explained a LOT of why school wasn't easy and why he wasn't just "lazy". Part of him had/has the capability of doing academics. But when you also have to survive in life... there may not be enough mental and emotional energy to excel.

Ah, no. While I'm sure that is a problem with many kids, mine was lazy. Keep in mind, he would get A's and B's on tests. He brought home homework and would lie and say he had none so he could play instead. He would do it, and do it correctly, if you forced him to do it...then he would leave it home or simply not turn it in. Or he would do math, get the right answer, but refuse to show his work...because "all the teacher should care about is that he got the answer right." He'd have an F at midterm, then bring it up to a C or even a B by end of term once he got in trouble. Early, he was just bored, because he already knew the stuff they we're teaching. Later, he just didn't want to do the work, whether too easy or not.

And as for biodad, I meant that he wasn't there to be compared to. You wouldn't think thinking badly of himself would have any genetic component, as opposed to an example.

 

[TheWalrus]

My daughter was very high achieving in high school - all As, participated in school activities, etc. - but I do think she suffered under the pressure to "achieve." I, perhaps, put that on her. She is highly, highly intelligent. I have several college degrees. Hubby has great career. Yes, our expectations were high. She was capable of much and we expected much. We never meant to be unkind. However, it is obvious in comments she makes that she is resentful of our successes in light of her choices and consequences, that she feels inferior, that it is easier for her to criticize us than face her failures.

 

[RN0441]

My son has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I think either of those can make you have low self esteem.

He said having anxiety made him feel "weak". I think everyone has anxiety at some level but I know it can be debilitating for some.

I'm not sure if your son has any type of diagnosis at all Lil?

 

[Jabberwockey]

Not an official diagnosis, no. By the time we realized that we might need to go that route, he was of legal age and uncooperative.

 

[rebelson]

My opinion on why addicts lie? It's because they know they have messed up, they don't want to deal with the fact that they messed up, and they feel crappy...as they have low self-esteem.

That's my 2₵.