I had to say it...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, May 8, 2016.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Awww dammit Cedar. You made me cry at work. Again.

    It's such a good thing I have a real office. Not necessarily best for my employer of course.

    I had a doctor's appointment and ran home after to pick up my lunch. It was about 9:15. Son was up, still in the clothes he was wearing last night, that he slept in, because he tends to sleep in his clothes. :( I asked what his plans for the day were, just making small talk. He said, do laundry, take a shower, check some job apps and put some in.

    I told him, it will look way better to the judge if he has a full-time job.

    "I know that. You think I don't know that? You don't have to mention it every day!"

    I calmly stated that I had not mentioned his court date even once since last week. He went to his room. Before I left I mentioned, for the 100th time, that he should try this one temp service and that if he needed more office-appropriate work clothes I would happily take him out to buy some any evening.

    Will he even bother to do laundry and bathe? Who knows.:unsure:
     
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  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I always think, what if me and hubby died in a fiery car crash? What would happen? What would my son do? Could he live? Would he figure it out?

    My parents were both dead by the time I was 17-1/2. I figured it out. I do not think my parents taught me those skills; they were both alcoholics. But I was a survivor. I cared about myself and I cared about what happened to me. I don't know if Difficult Child carries any of those traits and THAT worries me.

    He needs to prepare to be alone in this world because someday he will be.
     
  3. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Damn, that's a hard one. My initial reaction is to say that our son would figure it out, he would survive and thrive. Problem is that Lil and I both have decent life insurance policies so I could see him submerging himself completely in the drug culture for the next several years. Or less. He is prone to spending money as soon as he has it.
     
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I mentioned this to my son a while ago...that he had to learn to figure out things by himself because I would not always be there to do it. I pointed out that I was only two years older than he is now when my mom died; my dad was very ill and was no help to me. I took care of myself.

    He was very unhappy that I would suggest such a thing...but I told him, "That's life honey. People die. You have to be ready to take care of yourself."
     
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yeah...we HAVE to get a will and trust done. That money needs to be tied up in trust until he's 30, minimum. My life insurance thru the state is I think 6 or 10 times my salary? I'm pretty sure there's credit life on the house, so it would be paid off. Not good for him to get all that free and clear.
     
  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Agreed. I can really see him partying his butt off until the money runs out and turning the house into a crash pad. Wouldn't the neighbors just LOVE him for that.
     
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The new terminology is "trap house".
     
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  8. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Whatever the terminology is, he would end up inviting a good portion of the homeless and/or drug population to come and go as they please. Our house isn't huge but its big enough that you could have quite a few people crashing on the floor at any given time. He would end up in prison because the neighbors would call the police about the drug use, all night parties, and general shiftiness of the people coming around which would mean he would get caught with drugs.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I am starting to realize how frightening the saying "peaked in high school" really is!
     
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I just threw that out there in case anyone came across it in their everyday lives.:rofl: One of my teenage neighbors asked me if I knew that the vacated house one street over was a trap house. I thought he meant that you could get trapped if you went inside. Nope. It is used to indicate a hose where people go to do drugs and party.
     
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  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Certainly not what I would have thought. Maybe a house that cops set up in a sting operation? That's what I would have thought.

    I think I'd be worried about the neighborhood. :rolleyes:
     
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am not at all happy about what has been happening in the area that I live in. This was a quiet area of town when I moved here almost 27 years ago. We now have helicopters almost every night. I reported the house to the police. They are aware of it and have been patrolling more frequently. We have a subdivision in the area called Sunrise. It is now known as "gunrise". When you look up sex offenders for this zip code, almost all of them are located in that subdivision. It was one reason my house did not sell when I put it on the market a year ago.
     
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Difficult kids I think sometimes like to give a rough appearance. They don't hang around with the best or most mature people so they do what they do.

    When my daughter was on drugs, she dressed all black, even black lipstick. I'm not a prude, but it scared me and I told her she was giving the wrong impression to her peers. She did the eye and changed but told me years later that she stashed black clothes and lipstick in her back pack and changed at a friend's house on the way to school. Boy, did she attract the "winners," but it was deliberately to fit in with the dark, self-pitying crowd.
    Sonic, with his autism, hated to shower and often smelled bad or wore unwashed clothing even if we did manage to beg him to shower. He was not being rebellious. He isn't rebellious. He told me,"Nobody cares how I smell." He still struggles with this. He does try harder now. He can't stink at work. If for that, maybe he would shower once a month...
     
  14. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I heard we have a lot of sex offenders here too, pas. I am sorry this too was very quiet and drama free when we moved up here twenty years ago. Now it has the honorable title of the heroin capital of Wisconsin (shudder).
    Crime is skyrocketing and when hub turns 62 we are moving to another town. But we live in an apartment.
    Pass. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this nonsense. Good for you for having the guts to report your son. I think that is a sign of extreme strength. Many parents can't do it, but I don't feel it helps our kids to let them hurt us.
    I hope you have better things to come.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2016
  15. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Our son still usually dresses all in black. When it started, we didn't mind...we drew the line at dying his hair black, which ticked him off, after all it was "his" hair and we should have said yes...So no black hair, no makeup, no piercing, no tattoos - clothes, that was all he got.

    He did actually take a shower yesterday. So there's that.

    He did a load of laundry too.

    But he didn't do any serious job hunting...put in at a sandwich shop and a grocery store. Two jobs...that was all. :sigh:

    I asked him ... WHY won't he consider the temp agency? WHY? He said he wants a permanent job - puleeze - but this place does temp to hire, so no excuse. Also, he pointed out that when he tried a temp agency before he got one call in 6 months - but that's no excuse either. This is a different agency and who cares? If he finds another, he finds another.

    We'll see what happens today. :(
     
  16. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    A shower and washed clothes! Yay. Be happy for that for now. Crazy as it sounds right!
     
  17. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Right now I think fully employed would be better but that's just me. The apartment SHOULD be ready in a week and he has nothing saved up for it yet. Not holding my breath for this to end well.
     
  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Not a penny.

    He gets $8 hr and is only working about 15 hours per week. Even if he gets in twice that before the apartment is open...he'll only have $240.

    I'm going to go have a panic attack now. :cry:
     
  19. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry Honey, wasn't trying to give you a panic attack. Wishful thinking at its worst but maybe J has saved something up? Yeah, yeah, I know. The proverbial snowball has better odds.
     
  20. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I think he may have a couple hundred dollars...but he's going to some biker rally or something this weekend, which is why they switched days, and he still has to get his amp, that's like $100. So, yeah.

    Technically, they should give him some off the 1st months rent. He paid the whole month of March, but was out the 25th or so. Which means he didn't get about $60 worth of time. Will they? Who knows. He's also going to have $300 of deposit to pay.