I hate to whine and vent but I dont have anyone else

[Hound dog]

AAAAhhh. You have some of my issue then. A lot of what is in the family room isn't even mine, although much of it has been cleaned out...there is a lot that still belongs to Nichole and easy child out there.

I had to laugh over the burning the house down thing. lmao

I'm doing gutters and the patio and the furnace tomorrow. easy child up and volunteers her husband. Irks me when she does that because I know it ticks him off, and well, it's not fair to him. I told her he already said he wouldn't do the furnace and the gutters aren't hard..........and Nichole is stopping by on her way to the farm to do the gutter that no one else likes to do. She weighs the less and has to go on the roof to do it. The others aren't hard, just dirty work.

Tomorrow is the deadline because winter is rapidly approaching and it's supposed to be nice outside. I'm going to gather up all the outside decor too and get it put away.

I don't want easy child's husband to feel like he has to take husband's place. I'll be fine for most stuff once I either figure out how to do it (physical wise) or relearn how to do it.

Odds are Tony doesn't ask Billy not because he's easy on him, but it may be simply because he doesn't expect him to cooperate anyway so why bother. You'd be surprised at male logic. lol

I'd still hire the maid. But I'm evil that way. I'd hire her and let him gripe. lol Shoot, I'd do it now but I can't afford one.

 

[HaoZi]

You make one call to each person that has stuff there: "Goodwill is arriving at (day/time) with a truck to pick up donations. If your stuff is still here when they arrive, they're taking it, too."

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh I am mad right now. Tony asked Billy to wash the dishes before he left to go deer hunting this afternoon. We (tony and I) had gone out around noonish to have lunch and do some grocery shopping. We came home and Billy has been here all day long spending the day in his room on his computer playing video games. I came in my room to lay down after I took a mid day pain pill because I actually walked the entire time in the grocery store for the first time in probably 2 months. (Yay me!) Did a number on my back but at least I got a little exercise.

Billy washed 3 bowls and 4 spoons! Nothing else. Argh. Nothing was said to him.

 

[buddy]

yipee for you doing all of that! You should be really proud. Dumb dumb Billy. what the heck?

 

[HaoZi]

Past time for him to finish those dishes, eh?

 

[Mattsmom277]

Janet my long time friend! First hugs. Second, boy do I get it! In honesty fashion my s/o will help sober differ there. But the rest? I relate 100%. I can't do this stuff without major help either. Period. Full stop. I hate it. I'm sure s/ o must hate it. My house? It's a problem. I've managed to hide it from visitors by closing doors, nobody is allowed to open a closet or bedroom door (easy child's room is great but our room and Matt's former room no way!). Walk on pantry and cupboards no way. Laundry room no way same as utility room. My bedroom is not restful. I loathe being in it and I've on occasion been reduced to tears. It's gotten so big I can't begin and s/o is equally overwhelmed. Coupled with needing his help for it all and his work schedule well it grows and lingers. It's morale breaking at minimum.

I read this thread to s/o and shared a bit of your history and more about your disability. Something sparked in hearing it in relation to he emotional effect on you and he said that's it. We are doing this. The guy in him kicked in. Make reasonable and achievable plan and god and deadline then execute. I feel lighter even though we don't seart until tomorrow. I wish I could help tony see and understand like this. It's so less daunting tonight with s/I on board and seeing it through my eyes. I do wish that for you. Barring that I wish for you a solution to reclaim a peaceful and manageable home.

We took a lot of thought from the responses in this thread. The goal is no longer organizing it all and te old goals that were not met. Our goal now is a home that "I" can manage long term and maintain. We are no longer boxing stuff to find new homes for. Always ends up here for ages and grows our problem. We are just looking at it is a huge massive down sizing. Agenda no longer can be recycle, pass on to others, keep so I can fit clothes if weight changes, keep clutter because they were gifts etc. we are going for keeping what we use. What we need. That's it. The rest is going two places. A truck to the landfill. A truck to a charity shop. Not in bits and starts. A pile is going in the back for trash. When it's all done it goes in one dump run with a guy out of the paper. Spare room is the charity shop depot. When done he guy can return after dump run and it all goes from the room to the charity shop at once.

We are not over thinking. No "oh I loves this". Or "but his was expensive". None of hay matters if today its all become a burden. We are just doing it with he thought of getting every burden filled item out of this house. My reward is this gutted house that I can then fix up as I will enjoy. When those truck trips are done I get to dust and have help to put what we keep in order. Imagine how easy to clean and fix it up with no useless stuff on the way? There will be a place for everything because all those burdens will be gone.

New house rule: nobody will be storing their things here. Ever. Ever. Nobody will be passing their thigs on to us with rare exceptions if someone is getting rid of something we really need and were actually ready to spend money buying. Say if our microwave broke and someone had one we take it But when my neighbor cleans her garage and says oh could you use this or that! Nope! Even free, even I'd I like it. Today's free stuff can be tomorrows burden.

I say it Tiny can't get into he right spirit of tackling this, borrow this relentless approach. Gut gut gut. Empty that unused family room first. That's Cory's first task. Be quick firm and ruthless. Goal only that YOU let go of all that leads to burden. Once emptied your charity room. Straight there in boxes and bags. Tell Cory what goes in there and what goes back out to the yard in he trash pile. Any person around says they want something tell them out it in their vehicle NOW or it goes to trash pile or charity room.

Don't organize the keep stuff during this. Just get every room gutted of burden. What's left? Pass quick through again. Odds are some stuff kept will feel now like burden stuff. Liberating your home will create more openness to tossing even more. Then get that dump run and charity shop run.

Then get Cory back and room by room dust and windex what you can. Cory can do what you can't plus mop and vacuum. Then the fun. Arranging it all as you want it.

Cory wants that phone? No reason not to reward his hlp with hat as a sign of appreciation. Same with anyone ready to help.

Maybe with progress Tony will jump on board and help. Or he won't. For now put aside that hurt at his lack of involvement. Do this for yourself. For your happiness and peace in your own home. Just think if you would move to a one bedroom apartment what you would take. Thata what stays. The rest? Charity shop or dump.

It wont fix the stuff boiling underneath with tony. It will give you what you do need in terms of unburdening this growing problem.

Wanna share through email our befor pics? I'll send pics of my secrets, closets, rooms unused etc if you will. Then we ca share outlet after pics? Heck when we both ate done ill pay for a international call, we can have a chat and tea or wine and share what it feels like to be done.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Apologies for the horrible typos. Hope you can decipher. Typing a post that long on a phone leads to missing many auto correct errors. Can't wait for my laptop repair!

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL Mel. I understood everything. I dont mind sharing pics. Ok, we can do that. Now that we have the little pick up, I should be able to take loads to the dumpsters. Or stuff like the stupid broken dryer sitting in the middle of my living room on its side to the recycling center! Can you believe I have a broken dryer in my living room and it has been here since August I think. Maybe longer. Who keeps things like that? It has been longer! I think it was June!

I am betting I can find enough scrap metal around here to PAY for the phone Cory wants...lol.

 

[Hound dog]

*slowly raises hand*

shhhh! You won't believe what was in some of my rooms before I got started on the cleaning..........or what's sitting in my family still. (if I don't laugh I'd cry)

Depending on the scrap, you might be able to afford the maid. lol

 

[DammitJanet]

Well Cory came over today and started working. Cleaned up the floor in the dining room while Tony made deer kabobs. Cory and Mandy brought the baby over and some laundry...lol. Tony asked him why he was so willing to work when mama asked and Cory said that mama was a better negotiator. LOL.

Let me tell ya though. I dont know how anyone gets anything done with McKenzie around. That is one fussy baby. I am sure one of the reasons that she is fussier with me is that I dont see her all that often. She was born 9/29 and I have only seen her 5 days since then. I have either not felt well and been afraid I might have a cold or been too physically hurt myself to just go over. Normally I go over on the weekends or Cory will bring her to the house. So obviously I havent had a long time of contact with her...and neither has Tony but then she is only a few days over a month old. She doesnt live with us. But even with her parents she is fussy. She is already starting to turn over and she can push up when on her tummy. She is just ill 9/10ths of the time...lol. I am thinking difficult child in the making. beautiful baby. temper...lol. Hmmm...gosh...I think she is her mommy!

 

[Hound dog]

Aww. I know she's a cute pie for sure.

Has Mandy and Cory tried the gas drops for babies? They can work wonders. Maybe they're not getting all her burps out? I mention that because some people think you get one burp and you're good to go.......I was never that lucky. Mine burped like truckers. lol

 

[DammitJanet]

Yeah...they are using the gas drops and the gripe water. Kid already loves medications...lmao. I swear I walked her, cuddled her, rocked her, put her in the swing, turned on the baby channel, fed her, changed her diaper even though it wasnt wet or dirty, checker her for being hot or not warm enough, put her in the baby vibrating chair, sung to her, put the pacifier in her mouth even though we are trying not to and she mostly doesnt like it, tried finding babys making baby noises on youtube, and then I finally just laid her on my bed and let her cry. LOL

 

[Hound dog]

Hmm. I know she might be considered a tad big for it but have they tried swaddling her?

Although I'll say right now, even as a newborn Travis hated to be swaddled, so some kids don't like it and others can't get enough of it.

With Travis........if it hadn't been for easy child I'd have sworn I knew nothing about babies because nothing I did ever worked. Nor did any suggestions by anyone either, we tried them all. But husband would pick him up and lay him tummy down on his chest and the boy would stop screaming every darn time. That's it, that's all he did. ugh! Drove me nuts. Didn't help that at the time husband was working 10 hr days and Travis screamed nearly 24/7 for the first 6 months.

 

[DammitJanet]

Cory walks around with her in something he calls a Kangaroo pouch. I say it looks like someone invented it from putting their baby in a diaper bag and figuring out that the kid liked it...lol. He sticks her in there, props the bottle and she is happy as a lark. Go figure its Cory who can handle her...lol. You can definitely tell this is round two for him. He isnt so freaky about her in some ways and more responsible in others. Of course he is 5 years older.

 

[rejectedmom]

Sorry I was away for a few days and haven't posted. I'm glad things are starting to get done. Don't give up! Keep hounding them to help clean up and you will have an orderly environment (hopefully very soon).I used to joke that I wanted a house that flushed when my boys lived at home. I also said that I wanted no horizontal surfaces for people to pile things on.

But honestly sometimes a person can get so buried in stuff that they put off inviting people over for a visit. Time passes and they continue to not see people they care. They about become imprisioned by the idea that they have to have a perfectly clean house to entertain.

I understan this to a certain degree. Iused to be a clean freak and people never caught me with a messy house. Now that I'm older and sicker I cannot keep up like I used to. At first I was embarrased and didn't invite people in but now I just clean the rooms that they are going to see as best as I can. I love seeing my family and even though I am tired after a visit the laughter and comradery while they are here is really good medicine.

I remember something my mother said to me in her old age. "Just try to do one room a day and maintain what you have done." You will never have the entire house spotless at the same time but you will never have any one room in such a bad state you will be embarrased by a drop in. -RM

 

[dashcat]

Haven't read the entire thread, so forgive me if this has been mentioned, but have you heard of flylady:
FlyLady.net
I have a friend who was overwhelmed with stuff, tried her system and has really kept up on things. I'm pretty organized, but when I get behind, I go into the flylady mode & things work out fairly quickly. She's a bit on the corny side, so you kind of have to do an AA "take what you need and leave the rest" approach. Still her system does make sense.

Good luck to y'all who are getting out of CHAOS (flylady acronym for Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome!)

Dash

 

[lovemysons]

Janet...please forgive me for not reading entire post. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate. It isn't my husband though that gives me a hard time, it's my mother.
She just doesn't understand how extrememly tired my Abilify makes me...just completely drained of energy. I stay in my nightie and robe most days. She came over the other night and started getting sarcastic about me being in my nightie and robe saying..."Well, you must be sick to still be in night clothes"...blah, blah, blah.
I have often felt like I am not good enough for my mother. Not good enough that I am generally very pleasant to be around these days, not short tempered or emotionally difficult for anyone including her. You'd think she'd just be happy that I am not permanantly housed in the mental ward after my psychotic breakdown nearly 5 yrs ago. She always expects more out of me than I have and my "best" it seems is never good enough.

I am sorry that your Tony is putting pressure on you to do more. Some of the people in our lives just don't get it.

hugs,
LMS

 

[Steely]

Hey Janet - just reading the end of this post and thinking about the baby. (You know I have no advice about hubbies - haha). When Matt was that age he was the same way - I thought I would go out of my mind. Finally I stumbled upon this technique that worked wonder - and I guess it is known to help colicky babies. I would hold him with the palm of my hand directly under his stomach, and just walk around and carry him that way. His face was down, and his long legs would be threaded between my arm - but it was the putting pressure on his stomach that seemed to calm him. Then when he moved to formula, the whole stomach thing started again, until I moved him to Soy. Turns out he is very allergic to all of dairy, which was probably the problem to begin with - but holding him upside down basically, with the my hand pressing into his tummy worked like a charm.