I Love a Narcissist. Now What?

[Quicksand]

Thanks Copa. I love reading your stuff and I can really relate to you and SWOT and others! My UAW brother and I ARE in contact- now. He had lumped me in with Dr. Brother and the rest and just went away (justifiably). (Another story)
He re established contact 2 years ago, when his son was getting married and he wanted grandparents involved. That all fell apart when my dad became ill and by respecting my dads wishes to not be put in a nursing home, UAW and I left our homes and families to help our mother care for dad during hospice at home. We realized this later, but my mother had very different plans for my dad. I was overjoyed that UAW was back and I watched his tenderness and compassion for my dad. I thought, at last! It's coming together, UAW is back and gets to see dad off and make peace. During this time he stayed at my parents so my mother didn't have to worry about being alone with dad at night etc. I stayed with my sister who lives a block away and I'd go over every morning. Dr. Brother went on a fishing trip during this time. Dr. lived less than 5 miles away and couldn't be bothered to stop in more than once a month to see them. Sister can't smoke at parents house, so her visits were minimal. Anyway, my mothers plans were to deny my dad his pain medications. Hospice provided all the drugs needed for pain control and my mother refused to give them to him. She insisted he be fully showered every other day- which was utter torture for him, not to mention the pain and she force fed him. He would tell us when she wasn't in the room that he didn't want food. He didn't have the courage to tell her himself. It was macabre and UAW and I were in shock. It felt like a bad dream. We tiptoed around her trying to not make her angry, I told her I loved her and we would be there for her in the same situation and showed her the hospice book that a friend had given me. The book explained the stages of dying. Not wanting food, how this can be difficult for over one to accept, general all around pain etc. Her response to the book was to toss it aside, ask where did YOU get that? It looks like something they'd teach in nursing school. She was a nurse. I on the other hand have no education.
Sorry I get lost in details sometimes.
She didn't want the oxygen machine because it was too noisy, got irritated because I would put dads blanket in the dryer because it felt so good to him being warm, would remove the folding chair that I had next to his bed anytime anyone left the seat (it cluttered the room).My dad did ask for chocolate ice cream and she went out and bought butter pecan, HER favorite. There are a lot more horrors but I'm trying to stay out of the rabbit hole- that said- I had had enough and I calmly said- why are you refusing to give dad the pain medicine, he is suffering,you bit€h?
Yeah, I said that. I didn't yell, I was calm. I immediately knew it was wrong and I transported back to being a kid, started crying, put my hands over my head and begged her to forgive me. She stood over me and calmly said: you're overly sensitive and you know it. That's what she told me my entire childhood. She then locked herself in the bathroom for 4 hours. She was so cruel to UAW, treating him like he was the hired help, refusing to allow him to love them. Telling dr. brother, the golden child that UAW was such a bother to have around, how stressful to have "people" in her home.( UAW is a soft spoken nice guy.) She told Dr. golden child that I called her a bit€h twice. It was only once ha! But she had to "pad" it, you know. Dr. Golden child called me and said: yeah! Ma says you're over there calling her a bit€h and if I hear you say one more thing to her or step out of line , I'm calling the cops and I'm going to have you hauled off to jail! Dr. Golden child then called UAW and explained to him that our dads care is none of our business and to make an appointment for when dad would be awake to go see him. We were to not talk about bad things, like reminiscing. HUH?? We were to say: do you want a drink of water? Do you want to watch the football game? Literally, he said those things. I can't type anymore, but thanks for listening. There's so much more..
UAW and I bonded as brother and sister for the first time. We hugged and we cried and we told each other I LOVE YOU!
I think part of my mothers problem was that she had no control over us during this time. My whole life, somebody was always on the outs, she pulled our strings by talking crap about us to each other, keeping everyone mad at someone. This time, we came together out of love for my dad and we had many moments together- UAW, sister and I. No fighting, no silence, no gossip because my mother had no opportunity. UAW and I were united in love for dad and we got kicked out because she wanted to make him suffer to the end. For what? For working seven days a week, for not molesting us, for being a decent man? He couldn't remodel the house or go to work anymore so she was done with him. Dr. Golden child as well. As soon as dad started going down and couldn't lay tile for him or paint his office, dr. Golden child was done with him. I might write more with more relevant details later. Thank you all...

 

[Quicksand]

Yes, my mother let my sister and I know that UAW brother was taken out of their will when he was no contact. She also liked to remind us that they hadn't touched a penny of their 401k. You know, letting us know there's money! My dad is dead and she's sitting on a stack of money. He drove 1200 miles with shingles in his eye because she felt plane tickets were too expensive.

 

[Copabanana]

QS, now extraordinarily painful for you and UAW. I am so sorry for your father. He knew you were there for him. That is the important thing. I am almost too affected by your post to write more.

I am glad for you that you and UAW are reconnected again. His story sounds a lot like my own. I stayed away from my family too. But I was the one who took care of my Mom.

Your mother...what can I say that you do not already know. I will close with that. Take care.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

Quicksand, I have no words. Your mother's cruelty toward your terminally ill father was off the charts. I didn't know people could be that cruel. I'm so sorry. So sorry that she raised you. He would have been far better off in a nursing home than denied his pain medication. Sick, sick, sick.

I am glad, however, that you were able to reconcile with your siblings.

Oh, Gawd, I think all of us know about how these so-called mothers, who don't deserve the title, try to make us hate one another or pick on one child (this was me in our FOO). It worked well for her. I'm sorry you went through it too, but glad your brothers were mature enough to come together with you in the end.

So very glad to have you join our little healing group and hope you post again.

 

[Quicksand]

UAW and I had an epiphany down there last November. It all came to light. He recounted his childhood experience to me and I shared mine- we are 10 years apart. We bonded. I am no contact with my mother and Dr. Golden child brother. Dr. Golden child will see to her nursing home care when the time comes. There's no way he will be inconvenienced with her death, he's just waiting for the pay out.
I am fine. The lightbulb clicked on for me. My husband has been a great support.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

 

[BusynMember]

Good for you two!!! Nuts to Dr. Golden Child. His loss.

My mother disinherited me. My life with her and experience with her was really ugly as a whole, but I did try. Stupidly, I might add. She had written me off and I kept trying, like a fool.

Fool no more.

You and UAW are doing GREAT!!!

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Rules are broken and boundaries trespassed, but the narcissist will never take accountability for any of it.

This accounts for the feeling that somebody must be getting the facts wrong in my family of origin. The stories can change so much as to be unrecognizable.

I am sure this happened to me with my son. It does not mean I am a narcissist, I hope. It does not mean I am a sadist, I hope. But I could be mean...and what I felt is this: I will do anything I can or anything that will stop his (my son's) hurting me like he is. This is narcissistic injury, I think.

Copa, if you are thinking about the time son roared on about your father...that would have been a difficult experience for anyone to have come through unscathed. Son's purposeful actions sent you spinning into emotional flashback.

Son should not have done what he did, either.

It is hard for me too to find that balance between "I'm the mom." and "I am interacting with an adult male who is responsible for what he says and for the choices he makes."

That is where I am now in interacting with my son, I think. I am surprised to uncover anger in me toward him; a filter in my interpretation of him.

At any rate, her attempt to make me feel my kids were lacking did not work and this was one area that, although she was trying to bait me especially with the way she said it, her bait did not stir any anger or jealousy or anything within me. I think my kids are the best kids ever and she could not change that. Especially in this day and age, a college degree is not such a big deal. I am proud of my super salesman Bart, my CEO Goneboy (although we are not in touch), my pastry chef who won awards Princess, my hardworking, sweet, happy, overachieving young man Sonic and my future Criminal Justice Star Jumper.

So, these attempts to disparage our kids are part of the abusive patterns of family of origin, too.

I am proud and happy for your kids too!

I am going to write a paragraph like this one for mine.

Sort of like a Family Mission Statement.

:O)

Why did my mother assume I would be jealous?For certainly she would not say it if she didn't think so. She talked about sisters girls a lot (never talking about her son...guess he was not that important to her), but I sort of had mind drifting when she did. I don't know those girls and, although I'm sure they are nice girls, they never were a part of my life, so why did she think I'd care?

Oh, yeah. She was trying to stir sibling rivalry.

That is how my mom was with sister's grand, and with brother's grands.

She had to know what she was doing too, because she vanished the tire rimming machine the day he talked to her about it.

Our mothers all tried to hurt us by using THEIR values, not thinking that maybe we did not share them. Or am I wrong? Were your mothers different? My point is, I don't think our mothers knew us well enough to know what issues would possibly give us a tinge of jealousy. Yes, I'm capable of jealousy. We all are. But not because of academics

This is an interesting observation Serenity.

As it always is when I have been so nasty in my posts about them, I miss my mom, today.

There was that sense of my mom enjoying the jealousy between the sisters over her. Am I reading things into what my mother says, maybe taking offense where none was intended?

But as a kid, we couldn't know and couldn't help. Whatever happens beyond childhood can not erase the damage done when we were children. And so we were. And so we are all three learning to let go of that childhood and those who want to hurt us still.

Yes.

Thank you, Serenity.

Cedar

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Anyway, my mothers plans were to deny my dad his pain medications. Hospice provided all the drugs needed for pain control and my mother refused to give them to him. She insisted he be fully showered every other day- which was utter torture for him, not to mention the pain and she force fed him. He would tell us when she wasn't in the room that he didn't want food. He didn't have the courage to tell her himself. It was macabre and UAW and I were in shock.

I am so sorry for the pain and powerlessness of this.

Her response to the book was to toss it aside, ask where did YOU get that? It looks like something they'd teach in nursing school. She was a nurse. I on the other hand have no education.

This behavior on your mom's part was intensely cruel on so many levels. I was a nurse. I once volunteered for Hospice, and I have seen those books. While most families find them helpful and reassuring, one of their primary purposes is to open the subject everyone is afraid to open: What do we do; what happens next; how will we know when to call someone.

I am happy for you that you were able to spend that time with your father and your brother. I wish we could have been there for you as you went through it. It is so hard to see where we are taking on guilt or shame that rightfully belongs to the abusive parent. I am proud of you for staying the course. It must have been hard. My mom was so strange during and after my father's death, too.

Somehow, we think the death of a mate will bring the abusive parent to her senses. It is so offensive to understand that for our dysfunctional families, the death of the parent we love is grist for the mill.

There was no smallest hint of visible grief for my father. Lots of other things, strange occurrences, surprising pieces that didn't fit; loud crying, look at me crying that went on for years (from my sister), but no respectful, sacred space feeling to anything surrounding my father's death.

A friend told me: Dysfunctional family/dysfunctional death. I was offended at the time because I had not realized the depth of FOO dysfunction, or how it was still affecting all of us. But over time, as things got weirder and weirder between all the sibs, I would remember her words and find a measure of comfort there.

She was a nurse. I on the other hand have no education.
Sorry I get lost in details sometimes.

We are learning Quicksand that the details are where we can begin unraveling the damage done us (and our sibs, too). We are learning too that when we post sometimes, we don't understand why we've included a particular detail. As we work through it, we have often found that the detail was key to healing. We are learning to see ourselves s differently now, Quicksand.

A sincere "Welcome!" to our healing and sharing and stories. We each are coming through and are naming traumatic things and healing so beautifully and I am glad you are here with us, too.

:O)

I had had enough and I calmly said- why are you refusing to give dad the pain medicine, he is suffering,you bit€h?

Oh, good for you!

That took courage.

Now I have to go back and see what she said.

I immediately knew it was wrong and I transported back to being a kid, started crying, put my hands over my head and begged her to forgive me.

No, Quicksand, you did the right thing and were very courageous.

She stood over me and calmly said: you're overly sensitive and you know it. That's what she told me my entire childhood. She then locked herself in the bathroom for 4 hours

So, she abandoned you and punished you by abandoning your father, too. For both of you, you and your father too, those hours must have been so awful. To know what was coming, and to not know how to help him and to be afraid to give him the pain medicine he needed, and to know he was suffering.

I feel badly for you that your mother did that to you, and to your father.

I believe she anticipated your rebellion and that this was something she considered and gloated over and anticipated when she insisted your father should not have the pain medications he needed. I believe that was the game in it, for your mom. Her win may have been that attention was directed to her.

A power play.

My mom does things like that, too.

How awful for you, Quicksand.

How scary, and how badly you must have felt, and how confused.

The things our abusive parent does are so unbelievable. Serenity has given us a term for those all-encompassing feelings of wrongness that happen when we are traumatized back into the lost confusion of our childhood woundedness: emotional flashback.

We have found it strengthening to be able to name the feeling.

I hope it helps you, too.

Emotional flashback.

After we were able to sort of pin that terrible feeling down? We realized that was the emotional flavor of most of our childhood interaction with the abusive parent. We have found that even in the times when the abusive parent was not actively abusing us, there was a post-traumatic stress kind of dread in the heart of us that she would. For myself, I believe my mom knew that about me, too.

How scared I was of her; how ashamed of myself for all of it.

You are here with us, now. We don't know how that helps each of us, to know we have safe witness now? But we each have been able to progress nicely in our healing.

Good for you that you posted in. Even to post about it takes courage.

Dr. Golden child then called UAW and explained to him that our dads care is none of our business and to make an appointment for when dad would be awake to go see him.

No way!!! This is horrible. And from a medical professional, too.

Wow.

How small I would have felt, had that happened to me.

What an arrogant boob Dr. GC must be. Do you suppose he understands his own story? In a way, this is similar to my sister walking with the Lord. Self righteous, claiming authority by association, all of it designed to establish and justify abusive, power-over thinking.

At least my sister has no professional authority. That must explain the walking with the Lord she does, then. I had not seen it that way before. Dr GC uses his medical title and training and my sister uses who she is walking around with. Both of them justifying abusive stances through a kind of ersatz authority.

Huh.

I was feeling rotten this morning because I posted in nasty ways about my FOO yesterday. Now I remember how they can cut us, and how that hurts.

She told Dr. golden child that I called her a bit€h twice. It was only once ha! But she had to "pad" it, you know. Dr. Golden child called me and said: yeah! Ma says you're over there calling her a bit€h and if I hear you say one more thing to her or step out of line , I'm calling the cops and I'm going to have you hauled off to jail! Dr. Golden child then called UAW and explained to him that our dads care is none of our business and to make an appointment for when dad would be awake to go see him. We were to not talk about bad things, like reminiscing. HUH?? We were to say: do you want a drink of water? Do you want to watch the football game? Literally, he said those things. I can't type anymore, but thanks for listening. There's so much more..

Your father's care was very much your business, Quicksand. I applaud your courage in speaking up for your father. I am so sorry you were told no remembrances were to be shared. As we let go of our lives, remembering, celebrating happy times or sad ones, this phase is so important for the person whose time is coming. As a physician, your brother has to have known this.

What in the world was he thinking, he and the mother. I didn't even know your father, and I feel like crying for him and for all of you, that his death was cheapened in these terrible ways.

I hate the part about the mother locking herself in the bathroom, playing the victim, abandoning and triangulating the sibs and using the father's death to do it. Not to be disrespectful of your mother, Quicksand? But these people are really bad people, to have done these kinds of things. And your mom was a nurse. She had to know what she was doing, Quicksand.

That's the part I never would believe, about my own FOO. They know what they are doing and they do it by choice. I just can never wrap my head around that one.

My sister must be playing the role Dr GC does. And she is not even a doctor or an anything professional at all.

She does have that thing with the Lord going on though.

:O)

UAW and I bonded as brother and sister for the first time. We hugged and we cried and we told each other I LOVE YOU!

I think part of my mothers problem was that she had no control over us during this time.

Ha! Good for you and brother and sister. Your mom used her position as the mother to twist and hurt and triangulate all of you and you didn't fall for it and formed alliances with one another instead.

That must have made her crazy mad!

These people know exactly what they are doing. Because we are not like them, we can never understand how doing that to our own family could ever be a win.

My whole life, somebody was always on the outs, she pulled our strings by talking crap about us to each other, keeping everyone mad at someone. This time, we came together out of love for my dad and we had many moments together- UAW, sister and I. No fighting, no silence, no gossip because my mother had no opportunity. UAW and I were united in love for dad and we got kicked out because she wanted to make him suffer to the end.

I love it that you can see this.

I am sorry for your father's suffering.

Thank you all...

You are welcome, Quicksand. Thank you for sharing your story.

I am so pleased for you, about the brother and the sister coming together in spite of everything the mother and GC brother did to prevent that.

Cedar

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Yes, my mother let my sister and I know that UAW brother was taken out of their will when he was no contact. She also liked to remind us that they hadn't touched a penny of their 401k. You know, letting us know there's money!

My mom has a holy fixation on The Will, too.

I am sure everything will go to Walking With the Lord sister. She has worked very hard for it.

My mom has a fixation on being the last survivor of that generation. She is giddy when describing that she will be the one to tell the family story.

Giddy.

The lightbulb clicked on for me. My husband has been a great support.

My D H, too. I am always slipping back into thinking I am not thinking about things honestly or correctly or something.

Now that I am healthier and D H is no longer required to host or visit my FOO, my D H describes his current situation as "unmuzzled".

He really was so mad about everything, but I could never see the wrongness in it or, if I did, I was always so sure they didn't mean it.

One of the phrases that described my healing where my younger sister is concerned is: "I believe you; I no longer believe in you."

And that's true.

The last conversation we did have, my sister was like, "But I love you!" I told her I loved her too; that I loved her too much to love her this way.

And that is true too except that just lately, I am not so sure I ever loved her at all. I wanted to, though.

So, I get credit for that, then.

Sometimes the story is just so darn ugly it makes me feel weak, and I can hardly believe myself.

I am glad you have your brother and sister, all of you able to witness for one another.

Do you ever have that feeling? That surely these things cannot have happened as you remember them?

I had a really hard time with that, when we first began the FOO Chronicles.

We got me through it, though.

I am glad you are here with us too, Quicksand.




Cedar

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

My mother disinherited me. My life with her and experience with her was really ugly as a whole, but I did try. Stupidly, I might add. She had written me off and I kept trying, like a fool.

Maybe Serenity, like me and like Copa too, it was just too hard to believe they were doing what they were doing. We don't have that in us, whatever that thing is that allowed our mothers to behave as they did.

That's why we have such a hard time knowing what we know, maybe.

I think about you Serenity, when I imagine how my mother will try to reach out to hurt me after she is gone. I am better prepared for it, but I still think it is going to be hurtful.

D H says I will feel relief. He thinks that, when I think about these kinds of things, I experience a kind of anticipatory Post Traumatic Stress.

Cedar

 

[Copabanana]

I have to go get dressed but want to say one or two things: Serenity, please, never ever feel ashamed or less than because you tried to love and to take responsibility.

That it was in you to love your mother and to want a mother's love is the greatest of gifts and and of strengths. Because it was through that that you were able to so ably and wonderfully love your children and your own husband and eventually, yourself.

Cedar, as far as my past occasional rage towards my then adult son: It was a combination of his acting mean and my reacting from hurt and regressing to a place I wish I had not gone. I became my mother in those moments. I became somebody that lashed out from meanness, when my son was mean to me. I regret it and I am sorry. But I forgive myself. I have learned and I believe I have changed.

 

[Quicksand]

I remember my mother talking about how sometimes they would do "laying of hands" to patients in the hospital. Which always struck me as so out of character for her. And it was. That was probably a lie or she saw someone else doing it or maybe she could only do that sort of tender thing with a stranger.
My friend gave me the hospice book and that book really threw her for a loop. Emotional stuff. That's a bunch of garbage for the "overly sensitive".

As for Dr. GC being a professional... He's in it to keep pleasing his mommy. She has the pot of gold! The summer before my dads death, she casually mentioned that she was thinking of just taking him off all of his medicine if he was not going to go in a nursing home. My sister and I were alone with Dr. GC and his wife, and I told him what she said. He was on his iPad not acknowledging what I was saying and his wife kind of shoved him which her foot and said : Dr.GC, She's telling you something!! He said: I have my own $hit to worry about!
I said: ok then bye! And we left.

He doesn't care, he's unethical, lazy and selfish.

Yes, he's a doctor... I don't mean any disrespect but
He's a DO in Florida that treats old people in a general practice. He checks the box because he likes money.
My dad had a big rip on his arm because my mother, the nurse ripped a bandage from a blood draw off of his arm. His tissue paper skin.
I asked him to check on his arm and he never did stop by on his way home which he literally drives right by.

The dude is a dirtbag and he and my mother have an unspoken alliance.
My dad was no longer of use to my mother or Dr. GC. My dad at 78 years old, ceramic tiled dr's whole house on his hands and knees and he and he painted his practice.
His last Father's Day, I was down there and dr's wife invited us over. Dr GC was out fishing and he returned about 15 minutes before we left after being there 3 hours.



I do want to say, that day, after I called her a bit€h and she spent 4 hours in the bathroom (UAW and I repeatedly tried to get her to come out and she'd just say - leave me alone!) - I was sitting with my dad, lying to him saying - oh moms not feeling well- he kept asking where she was- and UAW just came in and said this is bull$hit I'm giving him the medicine! My mother rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed the syringe from him and gave it to him. the next day, the shtf with dr. GC


Our stories are so similar. It's wild!

I know I've over parented (now I know this) because I'd be dammed if I was going to be like her. In doing that though, I've messed up. Not completely, but I have. I can relate to COPA with her son..

Cedar, no offense taken. How else to describe her behavior?
Have you read- The people of the lie by m. Scot peck? It gets a little religious-y at the end but it really helped me get through the aftermath of that. It helped me understand that she is evil.

Same deal with my husband. Unmuzzled and I didn't see it either.

One of these days I'll be able to figure out how to "quote" in my writings like you guys do. I keep buggering it up.

 

[BusynMember]

Quicksand, I've read some horrible stuff here and have gone through a lot of abuse myself, but I have never seen anything as horrible as what your mother did to your father and GC participated. That is just plain inhumane. It makes me sick just reading about it.

I am so sorry you, UAW and your poor father had to go through that.

Quicksand, I don't remember well, but I may have called my mother a biotch. She may have called me one. It's a word. She was one (your mother). I think mine was too. At times, I can be one myself, but I'm working hard on that.

Do not feel guilty for anything you said or did to your mother. She tortured your father. You did nothing to her that wasn't 10X better than how she treated him. Not that this is a contest, but I don't blame you for losing your temper when you saw how she behaved with him.

Hugs to you for your strength and suffering.

 

[Copabanana]

The summer before my dads death, she casually mentioned that she was thinking of just taking him off all of his medicine if he was not going to go in a nursing home.

Is this not a crime?

I have never seen anything as horrible as what your mother did to your father and GC participated. That is just plain inhumane. It makes me sick just reading about it.

It might also have been illegal. I mean, if they took him off his prescribed medication, not to mention other things (deliberately inflicting pain)...especially if there was financial incentive....GC for his part could have been reported on an ethics violation. He could still be.

I am so sorry. None of this was your fault. Some of this happened to me when my mother died. I agree with you. I think we go into shock.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

I just checked e-mail. I'll check PM now.

 

[Copabanana]

Serenity, where are you? Write me back.

 

[Quicksand]

Total shock! as UAW said : we ain't dream in' , this is happening.
We called hospice before (Dr.gc came back from fishing ) and I explained that she was refusing to give the medications, I asked them not to say I called. The nurse happened to have some papers that needed to be signed,so that was her excuse.she came over that night. She talked to him and us about not worrying about using the medicine any time he wanted it and that they could get whatever he needed and the nurse gave him a dose. The nurse left the room and my mother followed her out then I went after. They were in the kitchen and my mother was going on about how she was a nurse and blah,blah the patients she dealt with and I do believe she hoodwinked the hospice nurse because the nurse left and that was that. My mother can put on a great show.
My mother & dr GC plan was a nursing home for him. UAW and I (without realizing it at the time) threw a wrench in the plan by saying- we will come to Florida as long as needed, do whatever needs to be done, he always said he didn't want to be in a nursing home. We said: ma, we'd do the same for you.
how could she say, nah, I'd rather he be in a nursing home, thanks anyway.
We had her cornered and she was mad as hell. ( I know this now).

I've felt guilty my whole life. It's the strangest feeling to sit and think about why I feel guilty and why I can't forgive myself but to not know what I need to forgive myself for. It's because I was raised by her and she had a way of making you feel like any emotions were a bother or ridiculous and daughters were competition. I dunno exactly...Those couple of weeks down there opened my eyes. My husband has sad for years: your family is here- he and the kids- but I could never shake her from my head. I'd freak out when they were coming to town, get mean and obsessively clean my house so it was perfect for her and I became just like her. My god, the time and emotions wasted and stress put on my family just to try to be perfect for her.
I'm done with that now.

UAW is a little rough around the edges... He said: two turds flushed down the toilet...



Have a good night. Thanks for the ears and the hearts.

 

[Copabanana]

I was raised by her and she had a way of making you feel like any emotions were a bother or ridiculous and daughters were competition. I dunno exactly.

You know, I never posted this before, but my mother did the same thing. If I displayed emotion about anything she did to me, she would be sarcastic and harsh. "Like quit the dramatics, COPA, Get over it." But let her be the one affected, and everybody had to indulge her. I love my mother. i miss her so much. But I need to tell the truth for myself. I was sensitive. I still am. But I am not self-indulgent. My mother was.

UAW is a little rough around the edges... He said: two turds flushed down the toilet...

I love him. I wish he would come to the board and post. Does he have any difficult children? He sounds like he would not.

 

[BusynMember]

Copa, check email. I hope you got it. If not let me know and ill tell cedar to forward.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

One of these days I'll be able to figure out how to "quote" in my writings like you guys do. I keep buggering it up.

Highlight the sentences you wish to quote, Quicksand. A choice button appears: Quote or Reply. If you hit Reply, the highlighted material will appear in the post you are creating. If you wish to multi-quote, then choose the Quote button. When you return to the post you are creating, hit "Insert quotes".

I like to do the individual quotes as I go through (using the "reply" button). I can respond immediately from the mindset I experienced as I read the post. Then, leave the cursor at the bottom of the post you are creating. When you highlight the next phrase you wish to quote, it will appear where you positioned your cursor.

UAW is a little rough around the edges... He said: two turds flushed down the toilet...

Ha! I love him too.

Thank you for the book recommendation, Quicksand. I have not read that one. We have found Brene Brown's work on shame helpful.

Healing the Shame That Binds You

Cedar