I agree with everyone on the dinner or lunch out. With my daughter, any time we try to do something at "home" or at a family member's house, her worst comes out. I don't know if it is that comfortable feeling that she can act any way in our home, some internal pressure she feels to act out in family surroundings, the increased privacy and comfort levels of a familiar environment that keeps her from monitoring her behavior, or some mix of all. When we are out in public, it seems to remind her not to just say what she wishes or act any way she pleases. I won't say she hasn't purposely embarrassed me in public with barbs and put downs, but never to the meltdown, screaming, cursing fits she can reduce to when we are alone. Knowing it is only for a short period of time, an hour or so, relieves pressure from both of us as well.
As for a gift, I think the dinner is enough unless you feel you want to extend further. I always go with something she needs bc those are the things she won't buy herself. Gift cards are always useful and are a no-brainer.
Let us know how it goes. Hoping you are able to have a peaceful celebration with your daughter. When we don't get those very often, they are very cherished.