I need some support.

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Interesting that the seminars are held in very exclusive areas, where attendees must pay $700 per night hotel bills in order to attend. This doesn’t strike me as someone who is very sensitive to the needs and concerns of his fellow man.

The fact that he hasn’t returned your call doesn’t surprise me.

Consider yourself lucky that you found out what kind of person he is before you wasted a bunch of time and money on this person’s “help”.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
Is this a type of EDMR therapy? I have read that this type of therapy can be a rough experience. Would you be re-experiencing some of the trauma during the process? If so, that could cause a major IBS flare. A flare up of illness can go on for months. I think the guy is afraid of triggering your symptoms. However, it's hard to understand why his wife would respond in that manner. Many people have symptoms triggered by stress. Maybe she thought a flare in symptoms would be disruptive to the group or that it would be harmful to you. I definitely think they should have handled this differently. Call the hotel anyway. A lot of the time their policy states they won't give refunds, but I have been able to get a refund in some of these situations.
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Copa,

I'm sorry you've had to go through this (and the financial losses) but I'm wondering because you so often speak eloquently and from the heart that you might send an e-mail to the leader expressing in writing all of the concerns and information you have similarly shared with us here. Also, in your e-mail have it set up with a notification that you know when it's been "read". You will have some peace of mind that your concerns have at least reached his ears.

Recently someone posted: "We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and fall apart again...the healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen-room for grief, for relief, for misery for joy.

Here's are a couple of quotes from a book I'm reading: 1."This attempt to escape the problem is the problem. When you see you are one with the problem and not separate from the problem and that you should stop trying to escape the problem-it will be resolved."
2.Risk rejection at every opportunity and this will free you to be yourself - Learn from rejection, not acceptance.

Learning from rejection is a hard one to wrap my head around but it sounds like it applies to your current situation.

Just thought I'd share...I hope you can find some resolve from the careless, thoughtless way they've handled this.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Would you be re-experiencing some of the trauma during the process? If so, that could cause a major IBS flare. A flare up of illness can go on for months. I think the guy is afraid of triggeringyour symptoms.
Thank you. It is not EMDR. But you are right. I think this was the Rabbis concern. Her concern was for me. That it be the right time for me.

I don't think I would had this kind of flare up. But I recalled yesterday that once my mother visited. She stayed in a hotel. I spent 3 days at home writhing on the floor with stomach cramps. Only on her last day or so of the visit could I see her. (This was maybe about 18 years ago.) So. Who knows?

I am so glad I don't have to go.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Risk rejection at every opportunity and this will free you to be yourself - Learn from rejection, not acceptance.
Dear Jay. Thank you very much for the quotes. This make sense.

It's like I attended the workshop and I didn't have to attend. By opening up to the process. By being transparent and trusting. And then, being abandoned and held as the culpable party. Not considered. And then violated. Not being held as valuable or worthwhile to protect.

This in a way is the trauma. And at their hands I could have been retraumatized. Oh. I was. And had I gone, it could have been worse. But due to the loving arms of the women here, I was able to choose to NOT identify with the people who hurt me (parents, abusers, whoever) and to settle myself. I wavered, I know, I did. But you guys straightened me up. So I allowed space for the healing to happen, and I let it happen. It would never have been about what that guy could have "done" to me that would be healing. It was about my being able to put myself in the healing space.

Like the other quote, above. I put myself in the room.

All of this is reminding me of that book, Gifts of Acceptance, that Busy told us about. My copy came but I didn't start reading. It may be time to set up the book club thread. Thank you very much.​
 
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Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I asked that the hotel waive the cancellation fees. There was a way to do it via email. They asked for a reason: More or less I said that the event said I could not go because of a medical problem I have. And therefore I did not need a hotel. I am hopeful to get at least some money back.

I felt like I was insinuating I had something contagious and horrible. Like Bird Flu. Or disfiguring. But maybe the hotel will refund me the money just to keep me away. Tomorrow morning will be Day 5 and no contact from the Doctor in charge. I am shocked. This is so unprofessional. It makes me feel like a pariah.

I keep thinking I must have said something really weird, in the email. But what could I have said? I have posted here more than 7000 times. Have I acted that weird?

But this is ridiculous. I just got anxious. My doctor said just take Immodium when you travel. Not a big deal.

I am so glad I am not going. Wild horses could not drive me there.

I hope this experience will help me take my life back. This is ridiculous.

Thank you, all of you, very much.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
I keep thinking I must have said something really weird, in the email. But what could I have said? I have posted here more than 7000 times. Have I acted that weird?
Absolutely not! You are one of the most eloquent persons I have ever encountered with written communication. I wish I had half of the ability you have.

This is all on them. So wrong on so many levels. It has nothing to do with you.
 

overcome mom

Active Member
I am sorry you are going through the stress of this , hope you get your money back from the hotel. I am a bit concerned they have yet to contact you. Maybe you need to contact them reconfirming that you are not planning to attend after what has transpired. I would hate for them to say now that you can attend and then charge you for it.:frown:
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I would hate for them to say now that you can attend and then charge you for it
I agree with you. Except I'm between a rock and a hard place.

The doctor and his wife have a deposit, which is 200 dollars. The woman when she said most likely I couldn't go said that of course they would refund the money. That is, if they decide to not permit me to go.

The hotel is separate. The doctor and his wife did not offer an option to get a hotel room through them. I had to look up hotels in the area and the only one I found that had space was this one.

My concern is that if I write to them to tell them I will not be attending because of what has transpired, they could say that they did not definitely say I could not attend. Thus they are not returning the deposit. They can't charge me more money than that, especially since I have that email saying that they would likely not want me to come. At least I hope that is the case.

I think time is my friend here. The longer there is no contact by the Doctor, the clearer it becomes that I had no choices here. And they will have to refund the money.

I think I will wait one week from when the wife sent the email, which will be Sunday. And then I will email them requesting my deposit back. I am not that hopeful that I will get it.

These workshops and this man are really acclaimed. He has a phenomenal reputation. I have listened to him on youtube and he seemed compassionate and deep and heartfelt and compelling. I don't know if the weak link is the wife, or what. It's possible she didn't even tell him.

But what's that got to do with anything?
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Reputations are often highly overrated. Maybe he is marketed well. I certainly don't think highly of him from what I know.

Don't worry about what anyone thinks of your e-mail. Nobody there knows you or will ever know you. Just relax and I feel you dodged a bullet here.
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
How many weeks do you have before this event is to take place?

The fact that the wife and partner told you that you may not be able to attend, then leaves you hanging without an answer, tells you all you need to know about this guy and his business.

You may lose the $200, but you can also tell your story on his feedback site, or where people gather to discuss his seminars.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
The event is to take place September 6th. So that is still 6 weeks away. I don't know that there is a feedback site.

I keep doubting myself. I speak to the Rabbi next week. And I will tell her. I keep thinking in the back of my mind that I must have done something wrong. And that she will think that it's me. That I handled this poorly. That it is my fault.

What I think now is this:
I feel you dodged a bullet here.
M's response when I told him what happened, was "don't chase things. What g-d wants for you will show up." This is completely antithetical to my personality. I feel if you don't create, build, seek, you won't have anything. I am beginning to see, that is not the case. Just glimmers of it. Another thing M says all of the time is that nothing comes easy, without work. Everything costs work. So these two dichos, sayings of M, seem antithetical to me. What I think it means is that the work that brings anything to us, is consistent labor, consistent practice, consistent dedication.

And it is NOT out there. It is not some chimera, some glittering promise, out there. It is not a workshop. It is not a guru. It is not a geographical move. It is stuff like we do here. Day by day dealing with things.

Thank you with all of my heart, ladies.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I requested through booking.com a full cancellation of the booking, and refund, and they said they would call the motel. I heard nothing. Then I called the hotel directly and the manager said that booking.com had not contacted her, but that when and if they did she was prepared to cancel, and there would only be a $10 cancellation fee to me. But that this had to be done by Booking.com. She could not herself initiate the cancellation. I called Booking.com who said they tried to call the hotel which did not answer the phone. ??? I have followed up by email to their customer service. I am afraid to hope, but encouraged.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Booking.com just called to say I got a refund of all but $10. Yeah!!! Thank you everybody.

PS I just got a confirmation email. Now I will send an email to the Doctor requesting refund of the $200 deposit.

Thank you.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Within a half hour of requesting a refund I got a call from the doctor wanting to talk about my condition. I said that I was willing to talk but already canceled the hotel, because I had heard nothing from him or his wife. I also explained about what I experienced, the shame and confusion I felt about hurting others, I was strong and positive.

He was appalled. He said he felt horrible. He said he would have reimbursed me for the hotel, had it come to that. He said only just now had his wife mentioned all of this. He thanked me multiple times for being transparent. I was clear I would not go but I was open to how he could determine if it was okay to schedule for another date, if I wanted. He said he could speak with me on ZOOM for a few sessions to get a sense of whether a workshop would be okay. He said his only concern would be my welfare. That the idea this could harm anybody was ridiculous. I left it open-ended.

I am glad I am not going. But I did like him on the phone.
 
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toughlovin

Well-Known Member
I am glad he called. I suspect your email asking for the refund is what made the wife explain. I hope he realizes that his wife really screwed up and makes sure this doesnt happen to someone else. You did a great job advocating for yourself all around!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
You were very strong. I am glad you talked with him and that he explained and seemed compassionate. But this would not have happened had you not taken steps to make it happen.

You are much stronger than you think. Don't ever ever think you are unable to stick up for yourself. Feel proud.
 
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