I don’t think there is a clear right answer. Only answers we decide we can live with. I can tell you what I would do if I had a spare house where mine could live. But only you know what makes sense for you, for J, and for your marriage. Here’s what I would let go of: Taking responsibility for whether or not they are clean. No drug testing, no nagging, no judgment, no asking. They are adults, and I no longer have parental responsibility or input for these decisions. It’s none of my business, any more than it is my business that my neighbors smoke pot most evenings. Here’s what I would not let go of: Holding them accountable for taking care of their own lives. It is not my business if they are spending money on drugs, but it is also not my responsibility to make up for financial shortfalls they may have for essentials if that’s what they are choosing to do. I will not enable them by fixing self created problems, patching financial holes that are a result of poor decisions, or providing them with housing or resources that will allow them to keep avoiding adult responsibility for their own lives. Enabling has never been the right answer for any of my kids, no matter what their circumstances. N’s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) was severe - he had a nearly two year recovery period, and there are still lingering effects. But after a certain point I had to hold him to the same level of accountability as anyone else. Because he was not capable of learning any other way but the hard way. And he did learn, and is making a good life for himself. Any sense of entitlement is gone. C and S both have serious mental health issues. But they also will not get better by my coddling them or enabling them. Love and advice and emotional support when it is welcomes and needed, yes. But not rescuing, not enabling. Here is what I think I would do: Prepare the house for rental, and offer my kids the chance to rent it at below market rate. They would have to sign a lease agreement just like any other tenant and abide by it. I would tell them up front I would treat them like any other tenant and am prepared to evict them if they don’t comply with the lease. I think a lease or contract is even MORE important in this situation because our kids need expectations laid out for them very clearly. And we need legal protections in case things don’t work out. I would keep the business arrangement separate from the parental relationship. Let them know that my intention is to treat the property as a source of income, and if they cannot comply I will have to find another tenant who will. I would also insist up front that they sit down with me to create a reasonable monthly budget that includes the rest and utilities. I would want them to set up an account where these things come out automatically so they are paid first. What they choose to do with the rest of their money is not my business, but they have to take care of the essentials first. How they use their time is also not my business, as long as they are bringing in enough money to take care of their responsibilities and not doing damage to my property. I would save the money they pay me in a sperate account. But I would not tell them I am doing so. It is not Their money to control anymore. It is a fair exchange for a place to live. If you can’t treat the housing situation as a business contract, and keep other emotion and expectation out of it, I wouldn’t do it at all. You don’t need more drama, and you know enabling him with no accountability or expectation is only a short term solution to his problem. HIS problem, not yours, remember. That’s why I won’t have C here - because it would only be a short term solution and I know it would end badly. Eventually, our kids are going to have to learn to stand on their own two feet, with whatever resources they have available to them independent of us. We will not be here forever. We aren’t getting younger. I would rather my kids go through the pain now, and hopefully learn from it and figure out ways to live, while I am still here in the background. If they are moving in the right direction, I can offer some scaffolding to help them get there. But the idea has to be that it is a temporary scaffold, that will go away when they are strong enough to do without it. What I can’t bear is the thought of enabling them for another 20 years, and having them face homelessness when they are older and weaker and I am no longer here to offer any kind of assistance at all. They need to figure it out NOW, if they are going to.