I'm just in tears

[klmno]

Thanks all! Your support means so much to me- I really appreciate it. Marg, you bring up some good points. I had asked some of those questions, but not all. I will mull this over and work on it.

Totoro, I had never heard of ACT or the other thing you brought up- I will look into it.

One concern that I have this morning- the man from the state MHMR agency who said he would try to get the Children Services Board (CSB) to talk with me about available resources also said he needed to check into this first and make some phone calls to "get the other side of the story and that in this case it sounded like there were 3 sides". He asked my son's name, where he went to school, who his private psychiatrist and therapist are, and I'd already told him the locality where difficult child is on probation. Can he call all these people and inadvertantly stir up a bunch of stuff with the PO and judge and social services? Obviously, this was done over the phone and no release forms were signed but I'm worried about it now.

Edited to add: difficult child did go to school on time today- he's living in an illusion. like nothing is wrong. I checked phone records online and he tried to call that "firend" 4 times yesterday evning.

I just got a call from a lady at the state agency- another person that I'd left a message for yesterday. I explained everything again, including the frustration over no one being willing to help a family who isn't on medicaid and where the kid isn't a foster child or adopted (at least that's the way it works around here) and how it appears much cheaper and iin the kid's best interested to help with resources to keep the child in the home but that if they can't do that, then I need to know what to do and who to talk to to get him somewhere where he can be taken care of. I told her about Mr. X from yesterday and she said she would discuss it with him and one of them would get back to me.

 

[Shari]

I am so sorry. :-(

No additional advice, just hugs.

 

[totoro]

Maybe for awhile can the phones be put in your room? Does he still have a cell phone?
Maybe the temptation should just not be there at all.
I am really sorry this all has to be such a struggle for our kids with Mental Illness and any acts of violence or who commit a crime.
No-One wants to help it seems...

 

[totoro]

I found this pretty cool site, at the bottom it has links for Law issues.

http://www.focusas.com/Virginia.html

 

[Star*]

klmno

If you were to file in family court a petition of incorrigibility - the judge could court order him into Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) or Group home or Foster care.

Please check with Mentor in your area and find a local chapter - they are very good and understanding people about helping you help your son get placed somewhere he can get the help he needs.

I like THEM better than the agency we're with but thanks to a fluke - we're now ALSO with them.

Hugs -
oh and yeah - be like me, dont' take the "medications" and have a stroke.

 

[klmno]

Well, just a brief update: the man who was supposed to check into things left me a message while I was at work saying the person he needed to speak to was out until Monday so he would get back to me then. The judge's clerk never returned my call to give an answer either way. And, I have not heard one word from the PO.

difficult child is on a CHINS (Child in need of Services) but since the GAL didn't know as much as she thought she did and made rash decisions, she recommended the wrong thing to the judge, I ask for a re-hearing, and the judge removed that order so that I could pursue treatment privately, the judge said the county would not provide anything else. Everyone here says that in order to get more, you have to go through the Children Services Board (CSB). The problem is that I could never get anyone from Children Services Board (CSB) to speak to me. So, I tooko it to a state level.

The boy called difficult child after school today, difficult child got on the phone and told him not to call here anymore and that he was not allowed to go anywhere. I asked difficult child why he tried to call this kid last night and he said he hit the wrong number on speed dial- he was trying to call a different boy that has the same first name. That could be true because we did have both boys with the same first name on speed dial so I'm not sure. Anyway, difficult child said the boy had just been trying to use him anyway. He said several mos ago he (difficult child) had taken some of my cigarettes and given them to that kid, now he starts calling any time he has no other way to get any. That could be true to. difficult child said the boy was using him because he didn't really care if he got into trouble or not. I told him I was proud of him for that and that I'm glad he could see that the boy really wasn't his friend and Didn't care at all if difficult child got into trouble.

 

[klmno]

Do you believe this boy just called again. I think I'll block his number, as soon as I remember how. Then, I guess he'll end up using a different phone and I won't even know it's him calling. SIGH...

Oh, nno, difficult child does not have a cell phone any longer for a number of reasons.

 

[Marguerite]

It sounds to me like difficult child was trying to be honest with you - he had to 'fess up to doing the wrong thing to explain the problem which could also account for past lies about this. And again, if this kid is pestering him at school it could account for him wanting to avoid going to school until this kid gets off his case.

Can you put something in place at school along the lines of a school-based protection order? Something where you can warn the teachers that (if my theory is even partly right) difficult child is avoiding school primarily because this kid won't leave him alone? Even if it's just one of a number of factors, if the school is warned that this kid is pestering other kids and standing over them for cigarettes (and who knows what else?) then can the school keep a closer watch?

I don't know what is possible - I only know what I WISH were possible!

Hang in there, I would be patting difficult child on the back for having the courage and decency to be honest with you. I gather you've probably already done this.

It's difficult, frustrating - especially when you're single and HAVE to work, when you'd rather be home (and independently wealthy!) so you could be on the spot when needed and not feel like your kid is at the mercy of every other manipulator and player in the blame game.

Keep us posted on how you get on.

Marg

 

[ML]

Nothing to add, just big (((((((((((((((KLMNO)))))))))))))

 

[Mayapple5]

I'm so sorry. Where do we go when we are at the end of our rope and have tried everything and everybody? You must feel so totally helpless? Have you tried the clergy for advise?