Intoxicated Difficult Child Went To ER - Suicidal

[WiseChoices]

I completely agree. She needs to abstain from all substances. And not for a week or two weeks. That's not going to cut it. She's been at it so long (except for the majority of her pregnancy) that her brain absolutely needs healing time. 100%.

Thank you everyone for the gentle reminders and encouragement. I'm so glad she hasn't badgered me about coming over today. I hope she's focusing on herself and every hour that goes by that she can stay out of the bars.

Thinking about being totally sober probably scares your daughter a lot! It sounds to me that things are unraveling for her - loss of job, mental hospital, doesn't have custody of her child. Alcoholics and addicts have to come to the end of themselves. She may be headed there now. Her vow to not drink for 2 weeks is an admission of sorts that she thinks she may have a problem. In AA we talk about one day at a time. And this is for God reason: nobody can contemplate staying sober for longer than that, especially newcomers .

The bed thing to do is to allow things to unravel for her. The more consequences she experiences as a result of her drinking/using, the more of a chance that she will want to change.

I would say very little if anything . Stay out of God's way. Don't prevent a crisis but also don't create one is what we say in Al-Anon. Keep praying for her to find recovery.

 

[JayPee]

nobody can contemplate staying sober for longer than that, especially newcomers .

Wise, I'm learning some things from you. Even though I lived with an alcoholic for 30 yrs. He never embraced AA and only went as a requirement at one point by the Court. He always grumbled that he wasn't like "the rest of them", they talked too much, he didn't like certain personalities etc.

I have yet to attend an AA meeting which my sponsor has suggested but I thought since the alcoholic was out of my day to day life and I had Al anon that I really wouldn't benefit from it. Perhaps, I need to re-think that. I'm no longer bitter or angry with my ex because I do understand it's a disease that he struggled with but my part in it was mostly being the victim (which I know now to some degree I accepted) and re-acting to disaster and crisis.

Maybe it's time for me to broaden the scope of my knowledge.

 

[WiseChoices]

Wise, I'm learning some things from you. Even though I lived with an alcoholic for 30 yrs. He never embraced AA and only went as a requirement at one point by the Court. He always grumbled that he wasn't like "the rest of them", they talked too much, he didn't like certain personalities etc.

I have yet to attend an AA meeting which my sponsor has suggested but I thought since the alcoholic was out of my day to day life and I had Al anon that I really wouldn't benefit from it. Perhaps, I need to re-think that. I'm no longer bitter or angry with my ex because I do understand it's a disease that he struggled with but my part in it was mostly being the victim (which I know now to some degree I accepted) and re-acting to disaster and crisis.

Maybe it's time for me to broaden the scope of my knowledge.

You have been affected by the disease for sure just living with your ex. Open AA meetings are an excellent tool to learn more about the disease of alcoholism. We have even had some folks come for grief work (he was not an alcoholic but the 12 steps and the meetings helped him to deal with the loss of his wife) and and for mental health issues other than alcoholism . Meetings are like medicine through the ears. They calm people down.

I can also suggest the AA Big Book - the first 164 pages are information about alcoholism including a chapter to wives and chapters about how to treat it for the alcoholic in the program. The remaining pages are stories of recovering alcoholics - what they used to be like and who they are now .You can pick up a big book at any AA meeting. Even Amazon should carry it.

It is so important to understand the disease - not just for the alcoholic but also family members, adult children of alcoholics and people formerly married to alcoholics. When you understand the disease , you understand your reactions to it. And you hear first hand in meetings what worked and didn't work for alcoholics.

Most alcoholics will tell you that they needed tough love and they needed to come to the end of themselves.

 

[ChickPea]

Thinking about being totally sober probably scares your daughter a lot! It sounds to me that things are unraveling for her - loss of job, mental hospital, doesn't have custody of her child. Alcoholics and addicts have to come to the end of themselves. She may be headed there now. Her vow to not drink for 2 weeks is an admission of sorts that she thinks she may have a problem. In AA we talk about one day at a time. And this is for God reason: nobody can contemplate staying sober for longer than that, especially newcomers .

The bed thing to do is to allow things to unravel for her. The more consequences she experiences as a result of her drinking/using, the more of a chance that she will want to change.

I would say very little if anything . Stay out of God's way. Don't prevent a crisis but also don't create one is what we say in Al-Anon. Keep praying for her to find recovery.

Yes, she is definitely admitting to a problem. She is on day 3 of not drinking, and has not come around. She hasn't pushed coming around, either, so we haven't had to say no to her or anything at this point.

I like that part about not preventing a crisis, but also don't create one.

Right now I'm still getting over the last few days of yuck. Weekend is coming and there are some family events planned and I don't know how that will go for her. I don't want to make a huge "thing" of her not drinking, but I don't want to act like it's not a good thing either. Maybe I just don't have the energy to care right now (which I feel guilt about). I've got too much else going on to have me worry about it either way. My husband seems a bit unaffected by it for the time-being --she will or she won't, but today she's not up in our butt-- I guess that's his philosophy for the day.

 

[lost 17]

I am proud of you...I think we get to this point at times ... you're not selfish ... your strong not letting her manipulate ... even if for today ... we love are children but at some point wee need to draw a line ... clearly you drew yours