Things have been icky in our neck of the woods. The last month or so my daughter has lost her job (lied about it, strung us on as if she was employed), and then said she had some other jobs, never seemed to be working, however... just basically kept us in that Money Blowing Machine where we are trying to grab on to the truth and she keeps blowing it around so we are just confused and weary. At any rate, she's been out drinking, snorting coke (and who knows what else, but those two she admitted to), wanting to come see her baby (and us often having to try to keep her away), and saying she's going to kill herself. She said she wanted to start doing heroin so she could OD. I said she could certainly have that happen with the alcohol/coke combo she had going on, driving drunk, etc. OR she could just end up in prison for manslaughter for all the drunk driving. She's been verbally abusive, threatening... you know, just the regular stuff. It's been so draining. So last night she wanted to stop over (we just really needed a day where we didn't see her, though). She screamed at me, called me names, and then started drinking. Apparently she drove to the bar then, smashed a ton of drinks, drove back to her friend's house and told him she was going to kill herself. He took her to the ER, she told them she was suicidal (her wish is that they would keep her for a week or two). They kept her for the night and she's going to a mental health place for further evaluation today to see what they need to do. I'm feeling terrible because I didn't go to the ER, and I still really just don't want to see her today. She needs help, and I'm glad she's seeking it out. I hope it's the start of a new direction for her. But we've been here before. I'm literally having a bit of PTSD-ish feelings from it all. So I'm kind of telling Hope to shut up a bit. In nearly any other circumstance (or for any other human being) I would have been there. I have compassion up the wahoo for her. It feels so satanical to not feel or react sometimes. So inhuman. But I can't. I have to protect myself right now. But I feel selfish. Anyway thanks for listening.