he is waiting to see if he was accepted into the tx facility. he was honest and told the admissions person he had past suicidal ideation.she told him that was a red flag. he did call back to clarify the si was in the past. she will talk to the director. they only take 2/10 applicants.
I am truly hoping he is accepted. Keep us posted.
my heart sunk. but i told him i thought transparency was for the best. that we have to be real in order to heal. and he would benefit most from a place that would accept him as his life has been. so he could accept himself.
This is so very true and so very important.
my son has vulnerabiliies in response to which i feel very anxious. he has body dysmorphia about a slightly receding hairline. which he feels is gravely disfiguring. outside of the house or around almost all people he wears a hoody.
Oh this is so difficult. They see what they see. They do not see themselves as we see them. Vulnerable and in pain. A lot of the reason they turn to numbing substances.
like your son j is very physically attractive. but his lifestyle and vulnerability (and dress) affect how he looks. this pains me.
Oh I am with you there. Of late my son has gotten back into proper grooming habits but at times he has been so disheveled and unclean. It is heart breaking to see.
and he believes in conspiracy theories. like pizzagate and the illuminati. i read that like half of republicans in my country believe in pizzagate. and a quarter of democrats! but it still makes me crazy.
Oh the theorists are far and wide. If one tends ever so slightly to the paranoid of suspicious, the internet is not their friend. So much misinformation and paranoia spreads so easily. I believe it is best to ignore vs engage in situations like this.
he is very much better about containing it. for awhile a couple of years ago i would not speak to him if he spoke of these themes.
he did make calls yesterday to work out issues with his medical insurance, that were barriers to entering treatment.
A plan how fabulous. A goal and a direction are critical factors in recovery. Something to pull them out of their focus on substance use.
people like my son a lot. he can be very charming. he is warm. and highly articulate.
My son is so much the same way. I find what makes me the saddest is to know his intellectual potential and see that he has no faith in his own intelligence. He has not graduated highschool yet. So much more potential than he recognizes. My son is very well liked and very personable.
the neighborhood where he is living in our other house is working class. people hail him warmly and seem happy he is back. hey j. and he greets them warmly with an embrace. and because he speaks 3 languages he can talk to almost anybody.
How amazing 3 languages. And I hope he feels the sense of warmth and inclusions he is receiving upon his return.
this kind of warmth, openness, and comfort with people is uncommon in our culture where i live. at the same time he now feels uncomfortable or inferior to people he sees as superior, like university students.
Again the self doubt and vulnerability, it pains my heart when I see this in my son as well.
j described where he was living in the city as "classist." he will not accept that is the way he looks and acts.
but it pains me because he identiies with vulnerable people like homeless. duh. he was homeless. (well. i am pretty open too. so there's that).
When they see and feel their existence and it is in such conflict to what we see. There in this void is where the pain lies for both our sons and ourselves. If I could fix this dichotomy I could fix his world and mine. Sadly life doesn’t work like that does it.
every time he leaves here where he is on his own he comes back vulnerable. but he is calm. less aggressive. mostly. trying to appease. mostly. and clearly trying to do things to please me.
There must be a reason, a bond, a connection or he would not try at all. Perhaps this is the lifeline that will pull him theory a life of homeless dispair and aid him in finding his rightful comfortable place in this world.
m is frustrated because my son is a slob and cannot be bothered to maintain things clean. leaves a mess. and is inconsiderate.
That is a great frustration of my S as well regarding AS. I see the lack of ability to be aware of tidiness and apprent lack of concern as an extension of their inability to care for themselves in general. One will not inproce without the other. I see beyond the frustration and feeling that it is inconsiderate and see it as a lack of capacity. It is a state of their current psyche. Wich is why living in the street does not bother them the way it bothers us. They identify therefore rhey are this downtrodden chaotic mess.
we are upper middle class people. at least i am. and my son looks scuzzy. like borderline street person. it is not tgat i care for me. it is that i don't want him to suffer, feel vulnerable or be rejected.
Oh this pulls at my heart. A woman was so disrespectful to my son. My sons last GFs mother. She called my son “Trailer Trash”. Of course her daughter is in no better shape but she blames this on my son of course. Her daughter has been mentally unstable and drugging long before my son came along. I have always felt “but for the grace of God, Allah, (insert higher power of choice) there go I”. We have no right to Judge others, we have no right to be critical and use derogatory names to humiliate people. I gave her a piece of my mind and then I regretted engaging with her. I think people react in offensive ways out of fear a lot of the time. It pained and shamed me deeply to know that this is what people think of my son.
today m pointed out a sign that said no entrance with hoods.
I have come to loath the Hooide. It symbolizes a culture I wish my sone did not associate with.
i may delete this post after you read it. it makes me feel vulnerable.
Delete as you wish and I shall do the same. I feel no shame here and it strengthens me to be among all of you, with no judgement.
I am a strong academic as is my husband. We live in an area with a high cost of living. We live in a nice town House. We refuse to over mortgage our selves and what I own does not make me who I am. I came from very bible roots as did my husband. We have gained educations independently and we have traveled and expanded our minds. I would rather see and learn things than “have things”. Many people around us value their “stuff” to define them. Between my sons current state, and the insecure “stuff Collectors”; I do hope he finds a secure and happy life for himself.
thank you for asking.
