Is this it?

[Littleboylost]

Copa I’m glad you were vulnerable... makes me feel less ashamed for some of th things I feel too. My son too looks so much different than the family he was raised in and I feel pain when I see the look in peoples eyes. My son used to be so clean cut and attractive. He still is in some ways but much harder and older looking. Drugs and alcohol are not kind.

I am tiptoeing around my home this weekend LBL... we too have never made it an entire weekend without partying or some
Kind of drama. Son spent the entire day with us yesterday just hanging out... watching Netflix. It may have been the first time that has happened in years. He usually can’t wait to get away from us... he is usually so anxious around us. Hoping it really is sobriety. He has either been with us, in school or with his supportive friends since the Monday after Sunday and the car accident. He is trying. I can see that. But I’m still terrified and guarded.

I am not the person I was five years ago.... I am tired... oh so tired. And I am bitter If I’m being totally honest. I feel like this whole thing is unfair. I stayed home, I have a strong marriage, we provided all the opportunities a kid could need, I didn’t indulge in material things ..... I did what I was supposed to do. Why my son? I know that sounds whinny and self absorbed. I feel that I am selfish and jealous at times. I want to scream and yell at my son some days and then I see how broken he is and I melt. How did this happen? I can’t even tell you.

So ladies.... I feel your pain, your anxiety. I don’t know what I would do without these boards and the ability to vent and share.

Hugs xoxo

I hear and feel everything you have said here CB. I blame and shame myself. I then get angry and resent the whole situation.

We have had our fiscal hiccups (lost a business venture) but by no means are we financially unstable. We have traveled extensively with our son. And we have probably enduldeged him but did not soil him. He always has a warm and loving disposition.

It makes me wonder if his warmth and soft heart made him more vulnerable? But I look at the collection of his drug friends and I see no common thread in terms of parenting or social economical status. They come from low income single parent homes to mansions along the lake front with stay at home moms and working dads. No rhyme or reason to it. Accept they they all appear to be sensitive and likeable kids extraneous to their drug problems.

Evan spent the night out at a friends. He is 18 he did what we asked and informed us. I didn’t sleep well and today is drug test day. Sigh.

Wish me luck.

 

[Sam3]

 

[ColleenB]

I hope it goes well. Son had a friend from his craft college over to work on a project today. Nice young man... he was adopted at 7 and had a very hard time but is very insightful and seems to be doing well. My son just met him this year and says he really likes him and finds him easy to be around.

It’s funny how my son is attracted to the kids I work with but grown up. I’m a sucker for the at risk kids and maybe my son relates to them more too. We had a nice family meal and told he young man to feel free to come here anytime ... he said he would. We had a great conversation about my student whose adoption was reversed, and the problems that these kids with trauma and attachment disorders have. He said his adoptive parents were amazing and worked with him. It gave me hope for my little man at school who is in my thoughts and heart this weekend.

Maybe this young man was here this weekend to help me too.

I know we are not out of the woods.... and maybe we will always worry and be on edge a little... but for tonight I will take hearing my sons voice downstairs with my husband just watching TV and find comfort in it.

Hugs to all who are loving addicts and trying to find some peace in their own homes and hearts. Xoxo

 

[Littleboylost]

I hope it goes well. Son had a friend from his craft college over to work on a project today. Nice young man... he was adopted at 7 and had a very hard time but is very insightful and seems to be doing well. My son just met him this year and says he really likes him and finds him easy to be around.

It’s funny how my son is attracted to the kids I work with but grown up. I’m a sucker for the at risk kids and maybe my son relates to them more too. We had a nice family meal and told he young man to feel free to come here anytime ... he said he would. We had a great conversation about my student whose adoption was reversed, and the problems that these kids with trauma and attachment disorders have. He said his adoptive parents were amazing and worked with him. It gave me hope for my little man at school who is in my thoughts and heart this weekend.

I hope that little one finds a good place to land as well. It’s so very hard.

Maybe this young man was here this weekend to help me too.

How insightful CB and yes we learn from so many people in so many different situations. If we are open to it.

I know we are not out of the woods.... and maybe we will always worry and be on edge a little... but for tonight I will take hearing my sons voice downstairs with my husband just watching TV and find comfort in it.

Live in the present and enjoy the peaceful moments. We deserve them!

Hugs to all who are loving addicts and trying to find some peace in their own homes and hearts. Xoxo

Hugs right back!

 

[RN0441]

Ladies

I struggle along with all of you. My son was forced into a long term faith based program and he has to either sink or swim.

He sounds good but it's only been a month and I won't know if he's changing until I SEE him in person.

I have great anxiety about his release in November 2018. That is due to all of the ups and downs that we have experienced I'm sure.

We have told him after he is sober one year he can return home with us as a place only to use to move forward and pursue what he intends to do in life. If he does not have a plan in place for that, then our home is not open to him. It will more than likely be in another state as my company has offered me a very attractive job transfer to a warmer climate.

I saw my therapist yesterday. She reminded me to take this ONE DAY AT A TIME. Do not think too far ahead. I KNOW this but I am seriously going to keep reminding myself of this on a daily basis. As a good friend said, how do you NOT think about your children's future (adult or not)?

 

[Copabanana]

the future is based upon a million present moments. we try to do the best we can each moment we are presented a choice. each one of us doing this.

we pray our children learn to do this too.

we have a hard time even hoping that they will choose better even one day in the far future when we are now so weighed down by fear, anxiety and anger. and their judgement is so warped , desperate and immature.

i hyperventillate when i think of dying. i mean. i am afraid to die. that my son be alone.

the ridiculousness of this. i have no control alive. who am i kidding?

 

[Sam3]

Sometimes it helps me to try and remember what I thought and how I felt when I was my sons age.

I can remember having only the most abstract sense of the future. I made decisions toward it, but they were kind of concept based not grounded in passion. I liked the idea of myself in college. I liked the idea of the profession I chose in middle school.

If I didn’t have those ideas, I wonder whether and when I would have indeoendenrly concluded that I better launch at something or risk my future.

I can’t even project my current concerns onto younger me, given my lack of wisdom as a young person.

It humbles me, vis a vis my son, to step back into that mindset.

 

[RN0441]

Sam3

I often do that as well. But I matured rather quickly since both of my parents had died by the time I was 17-1/2 and girls just mature faster anyway.

The biggest difference is that I did CARE about myself and what happened to me and I DID learn from my mistakes.

Two major things that my son has not yet "learned".