Is your home organized and comfortable?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Copabanana, Dec 26, 2018.

  1. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I read recently that hoarding is related for many to a history of trauma. This makes sense to me. When I read more I will update here.
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Kt mom. How's the flood on the porch and the leak?
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for asking, Copa.

    The laundry room flood is mopped up; we have a bucket under the kitchen leak. We need a new roof, but can't afford it right now. There's already several layers of roofing on there, before I bought the house, so patching it may not be an option. Next rain is supposed to be here tomorrow, I think, with more on Friday.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I don't want to lose the momentum on this thread but I did, caught up by my other thread about distress, sadness, and hopelessness.

    I also lost my focus because m moved to the other house. And because school started. I lose my sense of priorities and I get confused.

    I will re-dedicate myself here.

    How are the rest of you?
     
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Kind of the same way Copa!

    Nothing nearly as stressful in our lives, but we had a major snowstorm last weekend so Habitat was moved to this weekend...when we're apparently supposed to have another snowstorm. :oops: So we haven't gotten anything else out of the house. I did make a small, abortive start on my sewing/workout room, which is basically a bedroom with no bed, where my sewing machines/craft stuff and our workout equipment is kept. It's an absolute mess! I really need Jabber to get in there with me though, and go thru things.

    A good friend is needing a sturdy dresser, so we're giving her one of ours. It's been a big old TV shelf for better than a year now...we stopped using it entirely when we got a bed with storage. So that will be leaving the house once we get our TV mounted on the wall. Looking forward to that.

    So yeah. Baby steps with some obstacles and laziness tossed in.
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I got overwhelmed last night with self-blame and some shame.

    My dining room was really coming together. A central part of it is a twin daybed. Really lovely. I bought a memory foam mattress topper because the mattress is too firm. (I hurt.)

    So I had to leave the topper on the floor 2 days to inflate and de-gas. M warned me yesterday: the animals will pee on it. You better get it up.

    And sure enough last night I picked it up. And pee. I watch them like a hawk and they still beat me.

    So. Now I don't know what to do.i don't know if it can be cleaned or how to do it.

    I'm also at an impasse. About the eBay stuff. I so want to get rid of it all and not to have to waste my precious life force on selling it. But I'm having a hard time letting go and forgiving myself for this error. Living badly. Waste.

    So I guess waste is a recurring theme here.
     
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Go to a pet supply store and talk to someone knowledgeable on their enzyme cleaners. If it's not too bad you might be able to clean the topper. I hope it wasn't too expensive.

    As for the Ebay room...all I can offer is what I said before...don't think of it as a waste. Buying it was 'retail therapy' and it helped you cope. But now that is over.

    I try very hard to live without regrets or to live in the past. What does that accomplish but to detract from the NOW? I could feel bad about things I've done and said, or things I spent money on I shouldn't have. (Please Note: I don't always succeed...but I do try!) You can't go back and undo anything you've done, or unsay anything you've said, and unless you did it recently and you have a receipt, you can't unspend money. You can make some back perhaps, if that is really important.

    I was watching "Hoarders" and saw someone with lots of stuff they bought to resell. The organizer had them go through the stuff and separate it out. They set a monetary minimum...like $25. If it wouldn't sell for at least $25.00 it was donated or tossed. ONLY things worth the effort of selling them - that would bring in $25 or more - were kept to sell.

    Maybe you could do something like that to get the ball rolling.
    1. Set a monetary amount...stuff that in your mind is actually worth bothering with.

    2. Separate into bags/boxes/piles - Start at the door and just work your way to the back of the room...but everything goes in one or the other: (1) Stuff over your $ limit to sell. (2) Stuff under the $ limit to donate. (3) Trash. (4) Stuff you actually love and DO want to keep.

    3. At the end of every day, take the trash to the trash can, put the donation stuff in your car trunk so you can drop it off next time you are out and about, put away the stuff you are keeping. Then your actual sales stuff is all that is left.

    I'm really good at planning. Not so great at executing the plans. :rolleyes:
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lil great post.

    I never understood or thought about hoarding until the show. So very very sad.

    I hear my fathers brother was a hoarder, and he hid it too I believe. When he passed I heard his place was just awful to clean out.
    If its a mental illness, my DNA had it.

    I was not close to this uncle.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 16, 2019 at 11:25 AM
  9. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Copa please let go of the shame and blame and guilt. It doesn’t help. We are all of us flawed and human, every one. And there are many worse things than using shopping to deal with grief, or feeling helpless when faced by a mess, or holding onto things too long. I would much rather sit with you in your room full of clutter and eBay merch, with the pee-stained mattress topper, than be stuck in a beautiful clean house with mean, empty, soulless people. Because you are a good person, and a kind person, and someone I am happy to call a friend.

    Be easy on yourself.

    I think Liz’s plan is brilliant. Just go slow and don’t beat yourself up.

    Try Nature’s Miracle enzyme cleaner on the topper. Let it soak all the way in, pull out as much as you can with clean towels or a mini wet vac if you have one, then soak it again and let it dry naturally. It will take a couple days. Then repeat with a 50/50 mix of white vinegar and water with a little essential oil mixed in to get the remaining cleaner out and counteract the artificial scent of it. I like citrus. (Cats also hate citrus, so it helps prevent reoccurrences if there is a remaining smell they can pick up that we can’t.) That has worked for me with carpets and carpet padding and couch cushions. Good luck!
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Apple in another thread mentioned she would check in here, and I am so grateful for the support. So I want to give an update. I have not made any more headway in my house, sadly, but I have a level of confidence and hope that I did not have before.

    I believe now that I will do this and that it is doable.

    I do not feel the same level of shame.

    I can see beyond the remaining clutter to the underlying beauty I have created in my home.

    ____

    I got distracted this week because I thought about taking on two serious new commitments, and temporarily lost my focus. School started. And I overloaded myself with classes. Then I got offered a position in a divinity-type program. And it took me a lot of soul-searching to decide to reject it.

    I have a problem with what I call, getting into cars, without figuring out first, if I want or need to go where the car is going. I let other people decide for me, and understandably they may push me according to their own self-interest. This time, I said No, so that I could first figure out what I wanted or needed. I decided that NOTHING could be as important as staying on my own side, by deciding to wait.

    I had the confidence that other opportunities would appear, when I knew that I was ready, on my terms, if I decided I wanted them. I told myself, I do not need this opportunity. I am enough as I am. That all I need is to step into the light. I do not need to go anywhere, do anything, or be anything different, than who I am and what I have achieved. I recognized that I need to center myself in that, that that is my job in life now. And I could generate whatever I needed from who I am already.

    These are big, big steps for me. I am very proud of myself.

    And I dropped all of the new courses except for continuing with my Hebrew.

    So another big step is that I told M that I would help him with the other properties. The rental where he is living (and where my son would return if and when he does) and the property which would be my office. So what that means is that I am preparing to actively deal with all of the property commitments that I have been avoiding, not just my house. And it also means that I am committing to be "out there" and responsible on a full time basis. And it also implies that I will be fixing up the office in order to work. All of this reflects back to me a person who is no longer immobile, withdrawn and not functioning. Which is truly amazing.

    I directly relate all of the above to this thread.

    I may put this house on the back burner for now. But what remains here does not look anymore like the Hoarder's show. I think that with one day of hard work,(with the exception of hanging artwork) it would look like a beautiful, normal house (not perfect, but good enough). Beds made, no boxes on the floor, counters reasonable. The ebay room still has lots of stuff, but other people have a room like this--I recognize I am not the lone ranger. (Which is not an excuse to keep it like this, but permission to give myself time.) And I will utilize the recommendation on this thread, (was it Lil?) about the $25 rule. That will let me get rid of lots of stuff, without dithering. The one thing it won't help with is my mother's stuff. But I give myself permission to set that aside.

    So M and I made a plan of work on the rental house which for now will be the focus.

    Thank you everybody. I will continue to depend upon this thread until I work myself through all of this. You cannot imagine how helpful it is, to share the burden and to have such a trustworthy community of support and knowledge and realistic counsel.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2019 at 8:16 PM