There is a terrific restaurant that will cook the best feasts for the holidays for about the same price it would cost me to buy everything. I am so broken hearted that my own child is so screwed up, I give up, it wouldn't be fun, I want someone else to do the work. My other 2 are so cool, they wouldn't even want me to bother. I can pick it up and we can eat like kings. It's just gonna all about me and the rest of us. SO MUCH of my life, forever, since difficult child was 13, revolved around him, and now it's over. I feel like I may lose my mind over all I have been through and how he lives. I can't even bring myself to call child protective services, I should, there would be help, but I cannot. I am tormented over this, but I have to bow out of this mess. It's going to be all about me for a really long time. I'm getting a pedicure and drinking wine, let's all enjoy our season and put ourselves first. We aren't them, we can't fix them but we can enjoy things.