Just a little more drama????

[TerryJ2]

difficult child came by the house a cpl times today, and both times, left before he got out of his friends' cars. (Two or three diff friends at diff times.)
He finally called tonight from T's phone (the other gma). He was at their house. Apparently he stayed there last night but I'm not sure.
He is still defiant and insistent that he can do pot and that is his life. Says he's been doing it for 3 yrs or so and that's who he is. He loves that life. Well, except for the part about dealing, and the people who deal, and some of them have guns. But other than that, it's an ideal life.
He doesn't plan to go to school tomorrow. Every question we ask him is answered with-"I don't know."
husband and I met him across the street from ex girlfriend's house a bit ago. Didn't want to bring drama into their house, dogs were barking, but we didn't want him to come home.
He walked over and it escalated ... he insists he wants to live a life of happiness and pot and he knows people with good jobs who smoke weed.

Never mind that his metabolism can't handle it ... I tried reasoning with him, but he is off his regular medications and high on weed.
Still, he said he knows he can't get off weed on his own, and He said he's willing to have us help him. But ... but ... but ...

Meanwhile, T is taking D, the ex-girlfriend to the ER, because she is still throwing up and having headaches. I think it's from the epidural. When we left, Difficult Child insisted that he was going to be staying alone with-the baby and the dogs at their house.
The dogs? (Totally untrained German shepherd and rott/lab/pit mix.) "Sophia has been with them the whole time. They're fine."
@*&^(!!T^*(@JS. It's only been one day.

I locked all the doors. I'm taking something for sleep.

by the way, I saw the beautiful moon. It was pure white (so much for blood moon) and I think I saw part of the eclipse but the clouds kept moving so I don't know what's real and what's not. Great metaphor for our lives.

 

[AppleCori]

So, D's mom (the other gma) is allowing Difficult Child to stay at her house while using drugs, even though she has a newborn there.

Then, she thinks it is acceptable to let him babysit the newborn alone. While he is high.

(*&^^%%$$##???)

Maybe you should take D and the baby and let Difficult Child stay there.

Sorry you have to go through this.

 

[TerryJ2]

They're all nuts.

 

[dstc_99]

This is ridiculous! Difficult Child does not need to be alone with a newborn.

 

[LoveSushi]

Maybe you should call CPS.

 

[pasajes4]

This does not sound like it will go well at all.

 

[Childofmine]

Oh Terry, I am so sorry. What a mess. I agree with Tess. It sounds like none of them are in any way ready to be parents, and in fact, have gone downhill since she was born.

The choices we have to make on this forum are some of the worst Sophie's Choice (no pun intended here, but isn't it ironic that her name is Sophia?) decisions there are.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

 

[TerryJ2]

I've gotten some responses on the emails I sent out this weekend, regarding treatment. I will move forward. I also sent a note to the attendance officers, counselor, and principal or Difficult Child school just now. He did not show up today.
I texted girlfriend H last night, despite the fact that she's been ditching me. She is really into education and I asked if she could persuade Difficult Child to go to school. At 10:30 last night, she texted that she was talking to him on the phone.
Obviously, looking at the big red X's on the school attendance site, Difficult Child didn't show up.

D and the baby have their first well checkup in 10 min. Then they are supposed to come over here for a visit. No idea if they will follow through.
I sure hope that gma T has Ativan or something and a good dr for herself.

 

[AppleCori]

I can't believe H puts up with all of Difficult Child's drama!

I bet her parents don't know about all of this.

Does she smoke pot as well?

Hope they come by after the appointment. I wonder if you could encourage Gma T to not let Difficult Child in her house if he is high, and not let him spend the night. Maybe that would push hi into rehab, if he has fewer places to sleep and eat available?

 

[TerryJ2]

Gma T is an enabler. She is too soft, and when she's had it, she explodes and becomes abusive.
She is useless. Of course, I will tell her not to let him in but ultimately, it's her decision.
She is a difficult child herself.

H probably smokes pot. And she doesn't care if Difficult Child smokes cigs either.

Of course, her parents don't know. When they find out, I'm sure you'll read about it in the newspaper in the section about Honor Killings. There is a reason that an 18-yr-old does not tell her parents that she is dating.

 

[AppleCori]

Yeah, figured Gma T was a Difficult Child. She is not helping the situation, and seems to make bad decisions.

I hope you are joking about the Honor Killing! But I don't think you are....

Are we going backwards?

 

[pasajes4]

You are under so much pressure right now. Is it possible for you to escape for at least one day and overnight. Take yourself to a nice hotel and shut the world out for at least 24 hours. This is not good for your health.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you, Pasa.
No, I cannot. In fact, I've got to get my ducks in a row.

The least little thing will set off Difficult Child. He is struggling with pot. He spent the night at home last night and agreed to have an accountability partner. husband is supposed to be calling a youth minister who specializes in drugs and dropouts. Of course, he's been saying that for a yr. I spoke with him Sunday and had him write it in his planner.

Our plan for the moment is for Difficult Child, when he is nearing a meltdown, to call me or take medications at school and sit in a room alone. Of course with him, he can't do it alone so that's where I come in. (He tried that last year and just left campus and went home or went to the woods and smoked.)
Difficult Child has a teacher, Mr. Mc, who says is is Southern Italian and he fits the stereotype.
He butted heads with-DCtoday.
The trigger is Difficult Child's phone.
However, Difficult Child needs to know that no matter what a teacher says, he has to do it.
He asked for his makeup work this a.m.
Mr. Mc said he'd get to it in a bit and he was busy. He then saw difficult child's phone in his hand and told him to hand it over. difficult child said no (this happened last yr with-another teacher) and he would go to ISS if he had to. Mr. Mc said, "I'll write you up."
Difficult Child told a friend, "I'm tired of this b*ll sh*t."
Mc heard him and said, "Did you just cuss?"
"Yes Sir."
"Great. I'll write you up again. And I'll send for a security guard to come and get you."
"No need to do that. I'll just leave on my own."
"Oh, good, that makes three times I can write you up."

Huge sigh.
This stereotyped Southern Italian needs to leave his Big Family Sarcasm at home, Know what I mean??
And Difficult Child needs to hand over his phone.

So ... I picked up Difficult Child and then had to call the assistant principal, and boy, he sounded hot. At the end of the conversation he said. "Difficult Child has a 504 Plan?"

I went to Starbucks, not because I wanted to reward Difficult Child, but because *I* needed a chai, and to not be in the house.
I left a msg for husband and to his credit, he showed up ... but the first thing he said was wrong. It was right, ethically, but wrong for Difficult Child in crisis. "If the teacher says something, he's in charge."
Not what you tell a kid who is at the end of his rope with all of his life mistakes, and who had mental illness and HF Asperger's. I gently told husband that he was correct, but that's not what we were here for. We were here because Difficult Child is exercising his new skill of calling for help when he needs it.

I am so glad that you did the right thing by calling me, I told Difficult Child. And he started to cry.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aaaargh! I left out things and my new note disappeared. Some of the note above will not make sense.
Whatever.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Makes sense to me, Terry... These complex kids of ours. AND those complex hubbies.

 

[TerryJ2]

Another treatment plan ... another failure. Difficult Child has to be a hs grad. Grrr.

 

[Lil]

Aw Terry...You are trying SO HARD to get this all done and him graduated as well as off pot and everything. I swear you are working harder on this than any other person involved. It exhausts me just reading these posts. Your son has no clue how much you are putting forward on his behalf. Is there no alternative to a traditional high school? He doesn't seem well-suited to it at this point.

Wish there was something I could suggest.

 

[ksm]

This may not be available in your community, but our HHS counselor said that my dtr can do a GED Plus program. She has enough credits, that the only thing she needs to do is... 1. Pass the classes she is taking this trimester. 2. Then she can leave school, 3. take a government/civics course thru The Learning Center. 4. Take a course at the local college and 5. get her GED. BUT, instead of being a regular GED, it will be a regular high school diploma, and she can still walk across the stage in 2016. Maybe it isnt all states that has this program, but maybe it would be worth checking. KSM

 

[pasajes4]

From the way you have described where you live, it sounds like you live in a smallish city or a large burb. Are there any charter high schools that might be a little less stressful.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ksm. Lil, and pasajes4, great ideas. I am meeting with his school counselor soon.
But one part of me wants Difficult Child to stay here because we keep telling him that he's going to end up working for people at least as bad as some of the teachers he's had so he's got to get used to dealing with it. Plus, he'll have his picture in the yearbook and he's got friends there.
I don't know if he should be shaken up again.

However, if he does it to himself, that's another story.

In regard to a special school, there is an alternative living place an hr away. A friend gave me a tour last year. But I think that Difficult Child is far too high functioning.

He's one of those "special" kids who falls through the cracks. He's too HF for the special programs, and not HF enough for the regular programs.