Just a thought: It is so much less busy now than it used to be here.

[svengandhi]

I finally had the chance today to read through this entire thread and, boy, does it bring back memories.

I first came onto the board Thanksgiving Night of 1999; the impetus was my middle child, then suspended from kindergarten! He is now 21, an Eagle Scout, VP of finance for his college's student government and STILL his own worst enemy... I read and participated heavily in those first few years, under a different name that I don't recall.

Then, my marriage suffered a trauma and I vented about it on the board. My anger and venting upset a long time regular and I removed myself from the board before I got banned. One thing that I will always hold dear from that time is how Fran reached out to me and actually spent two hours on the phone with me one day and just listened to me sob and cry. When I was able to post again without the anger I felt, I returned to the board.

I sometimes feel that I have not been the best poster because I am reticent to share (a trait that my son has inherited to an even greater degree than I have) but I have tried to give advice based on my experiences. I have learned so much from the board and its amazing members over the years and I do recall how much busier the forums were. For me, part of the issue is that I changed jobs a few years ago and can no longer access the board during the day. In the evening, my time is spent helping my youngest son with his HW (he's a junior in HS with pretty severe dyslexia).

I don't do FB or any other social media - that reticence to share popping up again, but I do love coming to this board.

As for the other issues mentioned, difficult child kind of bothered me because I'm Jewish and I felt like it was a Christian thing but I used it because it was the accepted terminology of the time. I don't really like the phrase difficult child because it implies a level of willfulness on the part of the child that I don't think all of them have. My son, for instance, isn't "difficult" as much as he is "guarded" to the point where he will fail a class rather than share a personal opinion. It's anxiety and perfectionism and I never would have figured it out had I not had the collective wisdom of the board to guide me.

As for the FOO forum, my parents are dead and I am estranged from my only sister and hope never to see or hear of her ever again. Although there probably are issues from my childhood that could stand dealing with, I don't really have the interest in doing so. I do read on the forum and find it useful but I don't feel anything I could say would be pertinent.

This is a long post, but what I have to say is that I hope that the board continues. It's the only forum of the 4 I used to belong to that I ever visit or participate in.

 

[svengandhi]

Edited - I used the former term for difficult child and it was edited to read Difficult Child, so that part of my post makes no sense.

 

[runawaybunny]

Hi Folks, I have always been grateful that runawaybunny was able to take over the site as my children had grown and my life was full of caring for elderly parents. My memories of how I administered the site are somewhat different. Deleted posts were only those with inappropriate language or topics or meant to inflame. I loved this site and nurtured it to the best of my abilities. I purposely stayed away since I no longer was the admin so that I didn't interfere with the current administration. It's always been a gift to us parents. I am grateful for the site, the members and all those who keep it going.

Hi Fran. Good to see you. Drop by more often.

Absolutely true. We were so busy in those days with how active the board was and with our families and GFG31s it would never have occurred to any of us to delete any posts other than ones that were inappropriate. As I mentioned to MM above, thank goodness for this site and the friendships we made here.

Suz

Hi Suz. Welcome back. Nice to see you.

Since you guys seem to be referring to my post (quoted below) about all of my posts being deleted please remember whoever was managing the server regularly deleted all posts that the mods had not moved into the archives. The way I understood it the archives existed so that posts that the mods thought were valuable wouldn't be deleted.

Not sure why this practice was established, but it was.

My observations. I registered here as a member after stumbling upon this community while struggling to find a way to help my child in 2006. I drifted away for a while searching for my previous posts to discover a message from the forum owner that this community was being shut down due to hosting costs and a drop off in activity.

At that time my posts had all been deleted. The admin policy at that time was to delete everything in the database that had not been judged to be valuable enough to be "archived". Everything else was to be deleted. None of what I had posted here after spending a lot of time and effort were considered valuable enough to be "archived". Had I of known that each of my posts made in earnest were to be judged for their value I would not have ever posted here. Thousands of posts were deleted. That practice stopped when I bought this site to prevent it from being shut down. That was in early 2007.

Fast forward to today. Social media is the thing now. If anyone cares about boosting this site's activity then post links from our site on social media somewhere. More importantly please continue to protect your privacy because that is and will be a concern as a parents. Our children's well being are our first priority. This site may or may not be relevant to parents in the future. I know for sure it was a sanity saver for me when I was all alone and I will do what I can to keep this online.

 

[Suz]

"Had I of known that each of my posts made in earnest were to be judged for their value I would not have ever posted here."

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/just-a-thought-it-is-so-much-less-busy-now-than-it-used-to-be-here.61943/page-9#ixzz47MisQd3l

RB, with all due respect, this sentence is (hopefully unintentionally) misleading. It makes it sound as if there was some kind of Kangaroo Court sitting in the mods forum making judgments and arbitrarily deciding whose posts should stay and whose posts should be deleted.

I recall that sometimes we needed to "prune" the board because there were so many posts that it would crash the server. So the question was whether or not to keep the board afloat and prune old posts or have it crash and let down all of the members at the time. But we certainly didn't sit around and "judge" posts. And they didn't "regularly delete all posts"- the posts that were deleted were old ones, not everything. No doubt thousands of my posts and thousands of Fran's posts were deleted during those pruning times as well.

It's really wonderful for current members that you are able to provide the computer support necessary to maintain all of the history. It's important to me that these loyal CD members also know that prior owners and mods and administrators had no less virtuous intentions, there were just different server/computer parameters and capabilities in those days.

And. we. did. not. "judge" like you stated.

Suz

 

[runawaybunny]

"Had I of known that each of my posts made in earnest were to be judged for their value I would not have ever posted here."

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/just-a-thought-it-is-so-much-less-busy-now-than-it-used-to-be-here.61943/page-9#ixzz47MisQd3l

RB, with all due respect, this sentence is (hopefully unintentionally) misleading. It makes it sound as if there was some kind of Kangaroo Court sitting in the mods forum making judgments and arbitrarily deciding whose posts should stay and whose posts should be deleted.

I recall that sometimes we needed to "prune" the board because there were so many posts that it would crash the server. So the question was whether or not to keep the board afloat and prune old posts or have it crash and let down all of the members at the time. But we certainly didn't sit around and "judge" posts. And they didn't "regularly delete all posts"- the posts that were deleted were old ones, not everything. No doubt thousands of my posts and thousands of Fran's posts were deleted during those pruning times as well.

It's really wonderful for current members that you are able to provide the computer support necessary to maintain all of the history. It's important to me that these loyal CD members also know that prior owners and mods and administrators had no less virtuous intentions, there were just different server/computer parameters and capabilities in those days.

And. we. did. not. "judge" like you stated.

Suz

I apologize if my wording was clumsy, misleading, or in any way offensive to you. You are a wise parent and have offered a lot of very valuable support here to other parents. Your wisdom has helped many parents when you participated here. We were lucky to have you participate here.

My post about having my posts deleted was made based upon spending many hours posting here only to return to review what I had posted to find it had been deleted. My own false expectation that anyone else would think that what I said here would matter. That is the premise I was coming from when I first posted here and when my efforts didn't get "archived" I felt demeaned and minimized.

I was posting on Parent Emeritus where you were an active mod at that time. None of my posts were moved to the archives and all were deleted during the "prune" of old posts. I understand my posts were probably too emotional and not at all well written. Considering the circumstances you were in I wouldn't have "archived" my posts either.

I'm better with the tech stuff. Not good at expressing myself. I'll continue to do what I am good at.

Sorry for my awkward clumsiness but it still bothers me none of my posts were good enough to be "archived". I see your point of view too.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sorry for my awkward clumsiness but it still bothers me none of my posts were good enough to be "archived".

Tech-head to tech-head: Perhaps the mods were sufficiently non-technical that they (as many of our users do) were not on top of moving stuff to the archives, and then one day... somebody down at the server level had to do some really fast clean-up to avoid a crash...

I've had to learn (over and over) that a lot of things that happen really have no deliberate logic to them.

 

[pigless in VA]

I agree that it is much less "busy" here that it was when I first joined around 2003. General was a hopping place then. I notice that now people that post there don't get many responses to their initial post.

This is simply my opinion, but I think when you are a parent, feeling raw with the emotion of having a child out of sorts enough to have you google "conduct disorder," that your very first post needs to be responded to with compassion, empathy, and a nugget or two of advice. I think that if you don't feel a connection with board members, immediately, that you are probably not going to bother to return.

This board, though, is still more visited that others that I have joined. When I discovered that Ferb had stolen my credit card and charged thousands of dollars on it for his Xbox, I joined a board for parents of kids addicted to gaming. That place was a complete ghost town. You can't have conversations with people who never post. That was a bust, so I returned here. At least here I could get some feedback.

Hi, Janet! Hi, Fran!

 

[Fran]

Hi pigless in Va.
RB, I never knew or heard of your disappointment. I copied and pasted my most important threads to save in a file for myself because they fell off once they were up for so long. I'm sorry you feel this way but there was no intent to decide whose posts were valuable and whose wasn't. This isn't how I roll. i am really sorry that your feelings were hurt. That kind of "stuff" festers for years.
I am definitely no techie. I admit to it being even more confusing than ever now. It's a good thing that the world has people like you who understand the tech world. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help on my end but please know I never thought of posts as unimportant ever. They were the life force of the site.

 

[BusynMember]

On the older busier board, I think the amount of various responses from different personalities envouraged people to stay around. General rarely gets a diverse list of answers now. One or two people. Thats just two opinions.
My own opinion is that people were looking for advice and responses. Kindness, of course, don't we all? But we had a lot of resources to share. And we did.

in my opinion It's less hopeful with an onslaught of mostly adult kids since we can't do much. It is more about how we can servive this, after the fact. So the board is very different now.

I dont mind on a personal level because my own kids got the benefit of tons of great advice and all are out and independent now, but I wish parents of younger kids, who can still be stopped from.trouble, felt comfortable posting
here.

I have long thought that the title conduct disorders should be changed to behavioral problems. But this is me. Just lil ole me.

 

[Ephchap]

Being one of the "oldies", I hate to hear that the board isn't as active. Although I am no longer a mod or present on the board, it literally helped save me during some very dark days with my son.

I remember like so many others, stumbling on here and reading and crying and reading and crying. It was like such a weight had been lifted that there were others feeling lost, hopeless, distraught and so many other emotions trying to navigate school and life with a son who was drugging.

There were so many of us whose kids were around the same age, and even though our stories and struggles with our "difficult child" were all very different, there was a true comradary among us. Fran, Suz, Nancy, Marcie Mac, Rita, Janet, slsh, Trish and on and on (my mind isn't as sharp as it was so names are escaping me at the moment) Kris and dear DDD. There were others whose kids were younger or came along a few years later and had different things going on, but again held our hands through so much and for that I'm eternally grateful. Julia, Wendy, Sharon, Sharon, Kathy, and again, many others.

Once my son finally no longer drugged, was working, became a father, I gradually found myself reading a post from a newbie and would feel numb as I sat and stared at the screen, unable to type a response as I just couldn't keep reliving those dark days. It wasn't fair to those reaching out for help to not have someone there pretty much 24/7, as others were for me when I needed a kind word or assistance in finding a rehab or counseling place that might help

My son that brought me to this site has truly turned the corner. He's married now, has an 8 year old son, and has been totally sober for 6-1/2 years. He's been away from the street drugs for about 12.

I'll forever be grateful for this site and have met some members either individually or at group get togethers and have made some life long friends

I hope it's just a cycle and the board can rebound and continue to be here to welcome those that stumble here in need of kind words and no judgment.

Deb

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Just want to say hello to Janet and to Fran -- what a lovely surprise to see the two of you here. I miss you both. I don't post much these days, but I come to "visit" more or less every day.

Love, Esther

 

[Copabanana]

My heart hurts that my own posts could be deleted and those of others were deleted.

Very much, my posts and threads are every bit or more to be than would be a journal or photo album. I confided to posts more than I did to any other person or even to myself. My posts are more a record of who I am as a person and a parent than any other existing thing. Let alone, this site has been a way to develop as a person and a parent more than anything else that I can think of in my life.

I have been a member for only a year. Hopefully with RB's way of thinking, my posts still exist in the main and I may access them.

I am grateful to all of you for maintaining and caring for and contributing here. Thank you.

 

[AnnieO]

I understand about deleting posts. Many of mine under my old name were hidden during a crazy time, since Belle knew of the board and appeared here with some very ugly posts. And then, of course, there was biomom.

I do wish I'd saved some of them. But, probably best not to revisit.

I've been here, off and on, for over 7 years. I did like the old forum style better, but that might be my own resistance to change! The thing I find myself missing is how to insert the emoticons. I guess, sometimes, and get it right (or not).

 

[InsaneCdn]

Above the box where we enter our posts, there's all the formatting stuff. About two thirds of the way across is a little smiley-face. Click on that, and the pop-up for emoticons comes up.

 

[AnnieO]

Errrrmmm... Not on mine... LOL