Just need some opinions

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, Mar 28, 2019.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    I have been doing very well since I last posted on here. Things still aren't resolved with my Difficult Child. I havent been in touch with her going on almost 3 years now. It bothers me but I am so much happier not having to deal with her abuse. I have been engaged to a wonderful man for two years now. The problem I have now concerns my 7 year old grandson. When I was by myself I would pick him up and let him spend the weekend with me. Now that I am getting to go places and do things that I have never gotten to do,I cant see him as much. Well his dad gets really angry with me because I dont have him as much so he gets revengeful and wont answer my messages when I DO want to get him. It hurts me. I feel at 65 I have every right to enjoy traveling and having fun with my fiance. I tried to call yesterday to wish him a happy birthday and wanted to take him saturday to celebrate. Of course daddy is giving me the cold shoulder and wont return my calls. I havent seen my grandson for 6 weeks and his dad thinks that I am being a bad grandma. Im sure he tells my grandson stupid things like mama doesnt want to see you or doesnt have any time for you...cuzz thats how he is. I hate to lose contact with my grandson because he is the only one of my Difficult Child kids that I keep in contact with. I just have torn emotions.
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and nice to “see” you, ST.

    You have a right to enjoy your life, your retirement, and your fiancé in whatever way you wish, without getting the approval of your grandson’s father.

    His actions are selfish and self-serving, and you should not cater to him. He doesn’t control your life (unless you give your power to him, which would be a mistake). He wants to control you by withholding your grandson. What a creep.

    The only thing you could do that would satisfy your son-in-law would be to let him control your life and be at his beck and call. That would be a terrible thing for your fiancé and that relationship.

    It is very sad that he puts you in that position, but there is nothing you can do about it.

    Some things just can’t be fixed.
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi So, it's good to hear from you! I'm so glad you are doing well and enjoying life with your fiance.

    I know how much you love your grandson and that has to be so hard when the dad won't work with you on when you can see him.
    Would it be possible to just stop by where they live? If you know they are home, perhaps you could send a text and say "I'm in the neighborhood and will be stopping by in 10 min" but show up in 5.
    Something else you might try, when you call and have to leave a message, you could say something to stroke his ego, I don't know what that would be but you know him so maybe you could think of something. Perhaps, "I really appreciate all you do for grandson, he's lucky to have you"
    You could also send your grandson cards in the mail. I'm hoping the dad would let him see them.

    Never give up, keep trying. I believe your grandson knows how much you love him.

    Again, it's so good to hear from you!

  4. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    I love all you ladies....you have gotten me through some terrible times in my life and for that I am really grateful. The fact that I still let others intimidate me is my downfall. I could never stroke his ego cuz there is nothing he does right except barely keep a roof over my grandsons head. The house they live in is the biggest dump Ive ever seen. There is trash everywhere inside and out. He only works occasionally. I would never just stop in for fear my daughter might be there. I have tried to explain to him how busy I am. I am trying to move. Also helping my fiance pack and move down here from cleveland. It is so much work. He just dont understand. He says stuff like Jake thinks you have desserted him and he says that it is bull that I only take him for a day once in awhile and not for the weekend. I am finally having fun. My fiance loves to travel and do things and he treats me like gold. In my head I know Im not obligated but Jake and I have always been really close. I just feel like his dad will make him believe I dont care anymore and that hurts.
  5. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I completely understand. This is just so sad.
    I do hope he will let you spend some time with your grandson. I know how much you love him.
    I'm just so happy for you that you found someone who treats you well and is helping you to embrace and enjoy your life. You deserve to be happy.
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Tanya had some great suggestions, and if your son-in-law was a decent person they could really help.

    Unfortunately, he is a user and a terrible person. If he sees weakness in a person, he will manipulate it to his advantage.

    Stay strong.

    It is very sad that he has no problem with hurting his son to get back at you. The only thing you can do is to not play his game.

    Offer to take your grandson when it works for you, and maybe eventually, the father will realize you can’t be manipulated and he will back down.

    Very sorry it has to be this way, but you are a normal grandmother, not your daughter and son-in-law’s indentured servant (which is what they expect).
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am thrilled for you that you are getting out and about, traveling and seeing places that are new and exciting. And so happy for you that you have a fiancé who is caring and generous.

    Your son is acting mean and selfish. He is injuring his own child, using him as a tool to hurt you. While this is sad and troubling it really has nothing to do with you. You cannot control what your son does, even to his child. Staying out of the dynamic, I think, is the most healthy. I agree with the others. Invite your grandson when you can and want to, and try to keep blinders on as to his power plays. Meanwhile, your grandson knows how much you love him. It is not wrong to love yourself too.
  9. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    Thank you once again for helping me keep my sanity. This is the first birthday I have ever missed and he just turned 7. Why do people have to be so evil?