lovemysons
Well-Known Member
Rumpole,
At around age 24...I was seperated from my husband. He had cheated on me and was drunk one night while I confronted him and he started to choke me with a broom. He was "not there" as he was in a black out.
However...I took my 2 sons (I lived out of state at the time with husband's grandmother after returning from Germany/Army) and moved into a women's shelter. That was my son's Christmas time that year.
A few months later I let my husband briefly back into my life...and got pregnant with my daughter. In any event, while I had a job and my own apt, childcare, etc...I wanted to be closer to my mother in Texas. I was getting scared.
Just before moving back to Texas, I found my husband and asked him if he would come back to Tx with me. We got as far as Tennessee. We were at a motel and I reached over to find my husband was not there. I called police station next morning and found out he had "snuck out' gone to a bar, got in a fight and was arrested.
So...I called the rental truck place, had his car unhitched, my car put on the rental truck and drove onto Texas with my 2 son's and pregnant with daughter...I did not bail him out. I left him.
You know what my mother's response was when I got to Texas...to her home? LMS, "You have 6 weeks to get your life in order, find a job, and your own apt". I was also told how selfish it was of me to have a 3rd child when I could barely now take care of the two son's I already had. I was called by mother in law and other family members to tell me/suggest to me that I have an abortion. For me, abortion was not an option and so through my tears I began looking into adoption agency's. I was finally point blank told by one adoption agency that I did not sound like someone who could give up their child for adoption and so they pointed me in the direction of a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
I should back up and add that while I was still in Philadelphia, before moving back to Tx. I was reminded by my wonderful and wise Aunt that I come "from a long line of survivors" and that I would get through this time in my life and be stronger on the other side.
Upon getting help from the Crisis Pregnancy Center, I got a job, an apt, childcare, a Dr, etc and was on my own again. Sigh...I let husband back into my life once more. BUT, this time he had "hit bottom"! You see...He almost lost all the he had even an incling of love for...Me and his children. husband decided to put himself into a Rehab program at the VA hospital...He also decided to start going to AA. I went with him as I struggled with alcohol too but not as profoundly as my husband.
My point is...Mentally ill or not, Alcoholic/Addict or not...Did not matter to those who saw and treated us as fully capable adults. There were expectations. And if I had not met the expectation to get my life back together again, regardless of how painful it was, I might very well have ended up in a homeless shelter next.
The choice was mine. But no one treated me like a sickly child.
Today, I have a 23 yr old son in prison...his drugs were pain medications and alcohol. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children who are waiting for him. I think this will be his last chance with his wife. He will be released to our home in December. I also have an older son (25) who was once a Meth addict.
He is now married, father of 2 beautiful little girls and a hard working young man. Of great importance is the fact that he has been sober now for around 2 yrs. I think the threat by his wife of taking his first daughter out of his life...was a "bottom" for him.
Also want to add that my bio dad (from what I understand) Had Bipolar disorder and was an alcoholic. He died a couple of yrs ago...I really didn't know him very well at all.
My Mother in law was also an Alcoholic. She died from complications related to her alcoholism. She never did "hit bottom" so to speak. She never got help from AA or other outside sources. It's very very sad.
Just wanted you to get another "real life" perspective on handling a difficult child with addiction/mental illness issues.
They really can "rise to the occasion". I know it for fact even though my mommy heart has had a a tendency to want to play savior over and over again for my own sons, sigh.
I suppose along the way I thought my mother and others were too harsh as well, but honestly looking back today, they helped make me stronger.
I try and live in that place of gratitude on a daily basis now. That is where my happiness and peace can be found.
I hope I made a point "in there somewhere" smile.
LMS
At around age 24...I was seperated from my husband. He had cheated on me and was drunk one night while I confronted him and he started to choke me with a broom. He was "not there" as he was in a black out.
However...I took my 2 sons (I lived out of state at the time with husband's grandmother after returning from Germany/Army) and moved into a women's shelter. That was my son's Christmas time that year.
A few months later I let my husband briefly back into my life...and got pregnant with my daughter. In any event, while I had a job and my own apt, childcare, etc...I wanted to be closer to my mother in Texas. I was getting scared.
Just before moving back to Texas, I found my husband and asked him if he would come back to Tx with me. We got as far as Tennessee. We were at a motel and I reached over to find my husband was not there. I called police station next morning and found out he had "snuck out' gone to a bar, got in a fight and was arrested.
So...I called the rental truck place, had his car unhitched, my car put on the rental truck and drove onto Texas with my 2 son's and pregnant with daughter...I did not bail him out. I left him.
You know what my mother's response was when I got to Texas...to her home? LMS, "You have 6 weeks to get your life in order, find a job, and your own apt". I was also told how selfish it was of me to have a 3rd child when I could barely now take care of the two son's I already had. I was called by mother in law and other family members to tell me/suggest to me that I have an abortion. For me, abortion was not an option and so through my tears I began looking into adoption agency's. I was finally point blank told by one adoption agency that I did not sound like someone who could give up their child for adoption and so they pointed me in the direction of a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
I should back up and add that while I was still in Philadelphia, before moving back to Tx. I was reminded by my wonderful and wise Aunt that I come "from a long line of survivors" and that I would get through this time in my life and be stronger on the other side.
Upon getting help from the Crisis Pregnancy Center, I got a job, an apt, childcare, a Dr, etc and was on my own again. Sigh...I let husband back into my life once more. BUT, this time he had "hit bottom"! You see...He almost lost all the he had even an incling of love for...Me and his children. husband decided to put himself into a Rehab program at the VA hospital...He also decided to start going to AA. I went with him as I struggled with alcohol too but not as profoundly as my husband.
My point is...Mentally ill or not, Alcoholic/Addict or not...Did not matter to those who saw and treated us as fully capable adults. There were expectations. And if I had not met the expectation to get my life back together again, regardless of how painful it was, I might very well have ended up in a homeless shelter next.
The choice was mine. But no one treated me like a sickly child.
Today, I have a 23 yr old son in prison...his drugs were pain medications and alcohol. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children who are waiting for him. I think this will be his last chance with his wife. He will be released to our home in December. I also have an older son (25) who was once a Meth addict.
He is now married, father of 2 beautiful little girls and a hard working young man. Of great importance is the fact that he has been sober now for around 2 yrs. I think the threat by his wife of taking his first daughter out of his life...was a "bottom" for him.
Also want to add that my bio dad (from what I understand) Had Bipolar disorder and was an alcoholic. He died a couple of yrs ago...I really didn't know him very well at all.
My Mother in law was also an Alcoholic. She died from complications related to her alcoholism. She never did "hit bottom" so to speak. She never got help from AA or other outside sources. It's very very sad.
Just wanted you to get another "real life" perspective on handling a difficult child with addiction/mental illness issues.
They really can "rise to the occasion". I know it for fact even though my mommy heart has had a a tendency to want to play savior over and over again for my own sons, sigh.
I suppose along the way I thought my mother and others were too harsh as well, but honestly looking back today, they helped make me stronger.
I try and live in that place of gratitude on a daily basis now. That is where my happiness and peace can be found.
I hope I made a point "in there somewhere" smile.
LMS
