Marriage stressed/failing/failed........PARENTING

[TerryJ2]

Yes, winning the lottery would help you immensely!

My heart breaks just reading your note. A husband who has to be told how to be a father, and who comes and goes as he pleases as though you are a casual roommate... plus, kids with-problems, constant fighting...

You are actually much stronger than you think you are. You are amazing.

Much support and caring. Good luck.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Let me share with you that I have been single parenting my difficult child for over 4 years now. The past 2 have been done while I have been unemployed, the past year has been while I have been very sick. DEX sends no child support. We've played the game "101 ways to make macaroni and cheese". There have been days where I did not eat so she could. And I am doing this while recovering from drugs and alcohol. I'm still not well, and am looking at 2 or 3 surgeries in the next couple months. But leaving my not-working, cheating husband was the most important thing for ME to do. Any stress I have with my difficult child would be compounded daily with interest if DEX were still here.



See, God finds all the strong mommies. And He blesses them with the difficult children.


Good luck.

 

[ME & THE BOYS]

HELLO TO SO MANY OF YOU.

I HAVE MADE MANY OF YOU MY NEW CARING KIND BEST FRIENDS (I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND).

A COUPLE QUICK THINGS. I HOPE WE ALL ARE O.K., NO BETTER THAN O.K! I HOPE AND PRAY OUR CHILDREN ARE WELL.

NOW, RUSHING...........

YOU WILL HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I LOCATED A DOCTOR, BETTER STILL........A FEMALE DR. MY AGE, WHO HAS A 'SPECIAL NEEDS' SON. SHE WASN'T TAKING ANY NEW PATIENTS, BUT I WALKED IN HER OFFICE AND ASKED TO SPEAK WITH HER. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD AND CHEATING HUSBAND. THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS COPING WITH ALL THIS (IN ADDITION TO THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA THIS WAS HAVING ON ME). THE ANXIETY OF NOT KNOWING HOW I WOULD FINANCIALLY PROVIDE FOR THEM. SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, " YOU HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS, YOU NEED NO LONGER LOOK FOR A DOCTOR. I AM YOUR DOCTOR". I AM SOOOOOOOOOO THRILLED. I WILL MEET WITH HER NEXT WEEK TO TALK ABOUT medications. I TOLD HER I FELT I NEEDED TO BE ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS. SHE WANTS TO KNOW MY ENTIRE HISTORY,,, FIRST. SECONDLY, I SAW A SECOND PYSCHOTHERAPIST YESTERDAY. I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WILL WORK OUT JUST YET. HE IS GIVING ME ALL THIS "SELF HELP" HOMEWORK TO DO, WHICH I HAVE NO TIME FOR. MY KIDS CONSUME ALL MY TIME AND ENERGY. LASTLY, I WENT TO SEE ANOTHER LAWYER YESTERDAY. THE INFO SUPPLIED WAS VAGUE (ALWAYS THE SAME CRAP), WHICH IN NO WAY ENTICES ME TO START SEPARATION ACTION. ANYHOW.............

MICHELEL - I KNOW ABOUT BEING BURNT OUT. THESE CHILDREN OF OURS ARE DEMANDING. MY TWO FIGHT, TEASE, TOMENT THE ENTIRE TIME TOGETHER. THIS IS WHY I PLACED THEM IN ALTERNATING WEEKS OF CAMP (LESS TIME SPENT TOGETHER THROUGHOUT THE DAY).

DREAMER - I AM NOT FAMIIAR WITH CATATONIA OR AGENT ORANGE
I WAS SO SO SORRY TO READ ABOUT YOUR LIFE CIRCUMSATNACES. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK?

SEQUOIA - AGAIN, I AM SO SO SO SORRY TO READ ABOUT YOUR SITUATION WITH YOUR SON. I DO WISH YOUR BUSINESS GREAT SUCCESS. CAN I SAY, THAT YOU ARE VERY FORTUNATE TO HAVE HAD THE FINANCIAL SUPPORT OF YOUR PARENTS. YOU ARE!

NVTS- GOD, YES......I KNOW ALL TOO WELL ABOUT BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED. IT IS AN AWFUL AWFUL FEELING TO FEEL SO TIRED YEARS LATER. I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I HAVE TRIED SIMILIAR SUGGESTIONS TO GET THE BOYS TO STAY IN THEIR ROOMS, OR NOT FIGHT (WITHOUT SUCCESS). THE OLDER IS HORRIFIED OF THE DARK AND BEING ALONE. THE YOUNGER IS JUST NOT WANTING TO BE ALONE BECAUSE HIS OLDER BROHTER DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ALONE (I AM GUESSING). THE FIGHTING IS OFTEN CAUSED BECAUSE OF MY OLDER SONS IMPULSIVENESS (THE ADHD). I WISH AND PRAY THIS FIGHTING WOULD STOP BETWEEN THEM. IT IS MENTALLY/PHYSICIALLY EXHAUSTING. THANK YOU FOR YOUR IDEAS HOWEVER. I DO APPREICATE EVERYONES SUGGESTIONS.

TERRYJ2 - I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR YOUR SHORT, BUT VERY KIND AND THOUGHTFUL WORDS.

BIG BAD KITTY - I HAVE TO ASK, IF NOT TOO PERSONAL........"HOW DO YOU MANAGE FINANCIALLY?" DOESN'T THE STRESS/ANXIETY WORRYING ABOUT BILLS, SURVIVIAL,,, HAVE YOU DEPRESSED? I WAS SO DEEPLY DEPPLY SADDENED READING YOUR MESSAGE. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.

I WILL PRAY FOR ALL OF US.

I MUST RUN. PLENTY TO DO. CHECK BACK LATER.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

 

[ME & THE BOYS]

I am rushed writing this.

I was just informed that my husband is going out WEST to visit his sister (who he is not close to). She has a son the same age as my youngest son. As it turns out, my husbands oldest sister is also making taking the trip with my husband.

They have decided to take my youngest son for company of his cousin of the same age, BUT NOT TAKE MY ELDEST ''SPECIAL NEEDS'' SON. How cruel is that?

I have been given every reason in the book from, there is no room, to, he will be afraid on the plane, to, he will be afraid in the parks. Yes, it is true, there may be some anxiety issues they may have to deal with, but heck, there are enough adults, surely they can care for my youngest son and leave husband to manage the "anxiety issues" as they arise with my older son. What I figure is he would be too much work and stress for everyone, even though there are several of them, so called ADULTS. I figure my two sisters in law will hang out with the two little guys and my husband will get to do his own thing. Bars, women,,,. ALWAYS HIS AGENDA..........ALWAYS HIMSELF!

Here I will sit at home, with our other son. I am so angry, that angry does not explain it. How might my other son feel, about not being included? He is loosing out on a huge opportunity to go on a plane, see the mountains (MAY BE HIS ONLY OPPORTUNITY FOR A TRIP EVER, BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES).

What might you say to this "selfish man"? How might you handle it? I am looking for feedback please if you will. I wanted to call his sisters so bad. I despise this family!

HELLLLLLLLP!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Deep breaths.

First, calm down. Then, write down his reasons, the good ones and the BS ones. Then write down why you are ticked. Include reasons that your child is being shunned as well as reasons that your husband might be getting a chance to fraternize. In other words, keep it real.

Then, see if he can take a "special" trip with just the 7 year old if he insists on not taking him on this trip. Or, don't let him take either one.

 

[witzend]

Honestly, I would be concerned about him leaving the state with your youngest. I know I am getting in on this post late, so I hope that I am wrong. I will read more and see where you are going with this. But I wouldn't let him take your youngest if I were you. Sounds like a move, to me.

 

[Steely]

Yea, I would be concerned too....especially because of all the marital problems that have been going on. Didn't he previously ask if he could move out and stay with his sister? (I could be getting stories mixed up.)

Because of the concern I would have with husband possibly not returning with the child, and because of the extreme unfairness of this issue, I think I would adamantly put my foot down, and tell him in no uncertain terms, NO. "No you are not just taking one child, it is either both, or none." I think there are times in a relationship you just have to pull out all the stops because what the other partner is suggesting is too dangerous, wrong, or inappropriate. Especially with kids. These are your kids too, and you have the right to refuse that this take place.

I will be thinking of you..........
And by the way..........you might get more people sharing with you if you start a new post with this question. Sometimes the question at the end of a long post like this gets lost because people have to scroll 5 pages to find the question.

 

[nvts]

:smile:

My answer would be "NO!!!". I wouldn't let him take either one. And while I was gone, I'd be at a legal aid attorney getting the papers drawn up that he's not to leave the area with either boy. Not only do I not trust him, but I don't feel comfortable with the older sister going too. There's something fishy about the whole thing.

Here's my question: how long is he planning to go? If it's for a week or two, this could be a great test as to how well you'd do without him around. It's amazing how efficient we can be when we have no one to fall back on!

It'd tell him to go on his own. And I wouldn't blink an eye!

Beth